Prayers

Ironically, like last year, I find myself praying for direction again at Christmas time. I don't really expect God to call us out and uproot us like last year, but I know better than to cling to expectations where God is concerned. His ways are not my ways, His thoughts not my thoughts and in the upside down Kingdom of God what seems to tear at us the most is for our mending. While I'm beginning to understand some of these things better, I know that my understanding is in its infancy and that my baby steps, while drawing me closer to the reality, will only help me accomplish a small part of the journey that is mapped out for me for eternity.

My prayers this morning found me in the familiar place of asking what I'm supposed to be doing. I believe it is the right question for the moment. The more important question is "Who am I supposed to be being?" because that question is nearer the heart of God and puts the dynamic of Christ-likeness ahead of good works. I am feeling at peace right now in my "beingness" which was a big part of this year's search for identity that came with being plucked from a place of comfort and self-assuredness and dropped in a place that demanded a serious identity check. Because of that peace, I feel it is time to begin to assess what I am supposed to be doing or I will run the risk of getting caught in the eat-sleep-work-get up and do it all again mode that is so prevalent in this area. I see a lot of people working to survive and completely missing the point of this life we've been given. I'm not crazy enough to think I'm above it, so I'd rather appear crazy by seeking what risks God would have us take so that I can truly live.

As I prayed this morning, I asked what we're supposed to be doing. God seemed to be saying to stay the course. I asked Him if that meant staying at the 9-5 (or 3:30-midnight) and staying at the church we're at or to begin to seriously pursue planting a church. The answer was a little less definite than I had hoped for, but about what I expected: "Yes." I feel like what He's saying is that we're on the right track and that the details are not for us to know yet, so we'll keep at it, keep dreaming and keep asking in the hopes that when our divine moments begin to appear, we'll be ready to seize them and pursue God with abandon, no matter the cost.