I had an interview in Sioux Falls today at one of our finer retail chains where I was offered a position in the fine jewelry department. I would probably earn more money than at the other job that I've been offered, but I might have more room to advance there than I would doing retail. I've given myself until Friday to decide which job I'll take. I figure that will give me a few days to bask in the feeling of being so wanted.
The reason I don't mention the places that I'm applying by name is that I'm hoping to maintain some anonymity, knowing there have been people fired from their jobs for being critical of their companies on a personal blog. It stinks that it's the case, but what are you gonna do?
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
One Week to a New Job
Next Tuesday I'm supposed to start a new job. I still have a few other resumes out though, so we'll see how things come out.
Three months of unemployment (without the unemployment benefits) has definitely been a challenge. We've tapped cash and the patience of family to the limits and aren't sure how we're even really going to be able to afford to start the next chapter. The Indiana house selling would be a good nudge in the right direction, but even with that, we're not totally sure of what we might be able to afford in housing around here with a more expensive market and a drop in salary.
The nice thing about being at this point is that we can't see how it's going to work out, and since we believe that God called us to this, that means He'll have to come through. I'm looking forward to that. My understanding of God has already been stretched this summer. I'm sure it will continue to be stretched as we watch what He's about to do.
Three months of unemployment (without the unemployment benefits) has definitely been a challenge. We've tapped cash and the patience of family to the limits and aren't sure how we're even really going to be able to afford to start the next chapter. The Indiana house selling would be a good nudge in the right direction, but even with that, we're not totally sure of what we might be able to afford in housing around here with a more expensive market and a drop in salary.
The nice thing about being at this point is that we can't see how it's going to work out, and since we believe that God called us to this, that means He'll have to come through. I'm looking forward to that. My understanding of God has already been stretched this summer. I'm sure it will continue to be stretched as we watch what He's about to do.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Tour de Corn
I got a chance to ride the "Tour de Corn" (unfortunate name) in Mitchell, SD yesterday. Mitchell is the proud home of the Corn Palace, hence the name for the ride. I rode it with Amy's brother Casey who lives in Mitchell.
I rolled into town shortly after 8:30 and parked at Casey's house. We rode over to the Corn Palace and got registered along with a few hundred other riders. They gave the option of a 15, 30 or 62 mile ride. Casey and I opted to go for broke and do the 62.
Casey's been training for a marathon in the Twin Cities and was a track athlete all through college. We grew up riding together with some of our friends and have had a few chances over the last few years to ride together. He wasn't sure how well he'd do since he's been running a lot and not riding much. I figured his fitness would be such that he wouldn't have any problems. I was actually a little worried about getting dropped by him even though I've got almost 2400 miles in my legs this year.
It was a gorgeous day, if a little windy (this is South Dakota after all). The wind was actually working in our favor as it would be in our faces for the first little bit, but behind us for most of the return trip. We rolled out easy as we got a police escort down Main Street out to the south end of the lake where we turned off to head out of town.
We lost the 15 milers almost immediately as they were riding around the lake, turning a corner that we would turn after about 50 miles. Casey and I were just kind of loping along having a conversation when we decided to move ahead of a pretty large pack that lagged behind a handful of riders that took off like a shot and we never saw again. When we got to the front of our pack, we picked up the conversation again. We rode like that for a few miles when we realized that we had a good sized group of about 20 riders drafting off of us.
We shared the love and let someone else take the brunt of the wind and began to share some of the work load with the whole group, occasionally going back to the front to do our turn. Drafting in cycling can save 20-25% of the effort you would need to ride that far that fast, so it's something that we were all looking to take advantage of.
We all stopped at a water station about 20 miles in for water, gatorade and a variety of foods. When everybody in our group had rested a little, we started back up. At this point a guy named Brian (related to Casey's wife by marriage) and I did most of the pulling. We would each take about a mile at a time with Casey and a guy named Matt from Sioux Falls taking the occasional, shorter pull. We got about five miles down the road when I decided I'd worked enough for awhile and planned to drift down the group aways. The only problem was that the four of us were the group by that point.
The four of us kept it up until we hit the turn that put the wind somewhat at our backs. We hit another rest stop, picked up a few more riders and kept on. Brian started complaining about cramping about 30 miles in and mentioned that 30 miles was his farthest ride for the year. I could tell by the way that he was talking that he overcooked it early and was going to have trouble holding us for long. Sure enough, the first incline (I refuse to call it a hill) we hit saw Brian cramp up and have to get off the bike. I felt bad for him, but there wasn't a whole lot we could do for him.
Matt, Casey and I continued on as we approached the lake, circled it and hit another rest stop. With only about 7 miles to go, we started on again. I knew from riding in the area with Casey before that we had a real hill ahead of us as we came back into town by the hospital. I was a little worried about whether I'd be able to keep a decent pace up it since both Casey and Matt have done or are preparing for marathons, both weigh at least 30 pounds less than me and both are just more naturally athletic than I am.
I hit the bottom of the hill and just rode a tempo like I have been riding on the hills around here for the last few months and just pounded it out until I reached the top. I was surprised to look back and see that I had gapped the guys by several blocks. I tooled along easily while they caught up by the time we made the turn to downtown and the finish.
I said, "I guess all that training I've been doing is working for me."
To which Matt replied, "Yeah, the King of the Mountains is safe for today."
We rolled the last several blocks in and had our free lunch of sloppy joes at a downtown bar where we also received our t-shirts and water bottles to commemorate the event. The sloppy joes weren't necessarily the ideal post-ride food, but it was food nonetheless. Brian joined us for lunch along with a couple of other guys we'd ridden with for various parts of the day. Afterwards, Casey and I rode back to his place where I was able to shower and visit with Heidi and their kids for a bit before driving home.
Our totals for the day: 64 miles (including the ride to and from Casey's house) with an average speed of 17.1 mph, four sloppy joes (between the two of us), about 5000 gallons of liquid, a lot of conversation and 1 good day on the bike.
I rolled into town shortly after 8:30 and parked at Casey's house. We rode over to the Corn Palace and got registered along with a few hundred other riders. They gave the option of a 15, 30 or 62 mile ride. Casey and I opted to go for broke and do the 62.
Casey's been training for a marathon in the Twin Cities and was a track athlete all through college. We grew up riding together with some of our friends and have had a few chances over the last few years to ride together. He wasn't sure how well he'd do since he's been running a lot and not riding much. I figured his fitness would be such that he wouldn't have any problems. I was actually a little worried about getting dropped by him even though I've got almost 2400 miles in my legs this year.
It was a gorgeous day, if a little windy (this is South Dakota after all). The wind was actually working in our favor as it would be in our faces for the first little bit, but behind us for most of the return trip. We rolled out easy as we got a police escort down Main Street out to the south end of the lake where we turned off to head out of town.
We lost the 15 milers almost immediately as they were riding around the lake, turning a corner that we would turn after about 50 miles. Casey and I were just kind of loping along having a conversation when we decided to move ahead of a pretty large pack that lagged behind a handful of riders that took off like a shot and we never saw again. When we got to the front of our pack, we picked up the conversation again. We rode like that for a few miles when we realized that we had a good sized group of about 20 riders drafting off of us.
We shared the love and let someone else take the brunt of the wind and began to share some of the work load with the whole group, occasionally going back to the front to do our turn. Drafting in cycling can save 20-25% of the effort you would need to ride that far that fast, so it's something that we were all looking to take advantage of.
We all stopped at a water station about 20 miles in for water, gatorade and a variety of foods. When everybody in our group had rested a little, we started back up. At this point a guy named Brian (related to Casey's wife by marriage) and I did most of the pulling. We would each take about a mile at a time with Casey and a guy named Matt from Sioux Falls taking the occasional, shorter pull. We got about five miles down the road when I decided I'd worked enough for awhile and planned to drift down the group aways. The only problem was that the four of us were the group by that point.
The four of us kept it up until we hit the turn that put the wind somewhat at our backs. We hit another rest stop, picked up a few more riders and kept on. Brian started complaining about cramping about 30 miles in and mentioned that 30 miles was his farthest ride for the year. I could tell by the way that he was talking that he overcooked it early and was going to have trouble holding us for long. Sure enough, the first incline (I refuse to call it a hill) we hit saw Brian cramp up and have to get off the bike. I felt bad for him, but there wasn't a whole lot we could do for him.
Matt, Casey and I continued on as we approached the lake, circled it and hit another rest stop. With only about 7 miles to go, we started on again. I knew from riding in the area with Casey before that we had a real hill ahead of us as we came back into town by the hospital. I was a little worried about whether I'd be able to keep a decent pace up it since both Casey and Matt have done or are preparing for marathons, both weigh at least 30 pounds less than me and both are just more naturally athletic than I am.
I hit the bottom of the hill and just rode a tempo like I have been riding on the hills around here for the last few months and just pounded it out until I reached the top. I was surprised to look back and see that I had gapped the guys by several blocks. I tooled along easily while they caught up by the time we made the turn to downtown and the finish.
I said, "I guess all that training I've been doing is working for me."
To which Matt replied, "Yeah, the King of the Mountains is safe for today."
We rolled the last several blocks in and had our free lunch of sloppy joes at a downtown bar where we also received our t-shirts and water bottles to commemorate the event. The sloppy joes weren't necessarily the ideal post-ride food, but it was food nonetheless. Brian joined us for lunch along with a couple of other guys we'd ridden with for various parts of the day. Afterwards, Casey and I rode back to his place where I was able to shower and visit with Heidi and their kids for a bit before driving home.
Our totals for the day: 64 miles (including the ride to and from Casey's house) with an average speed of 17.1 mph, four sloppy joes (between the two of us), about 5000 gallons of liquid, a lot of conversation and 1 good day on the bike.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Creation and re-creation
I alluded to the fact in a prior post that I feel as though I'm going through a period of re-creation right now. The process has been a struggle for me as I try to make any kind of sense out of what is happening in this season of life. In the midst of the struggle, I've found myself thinking a good deal about the creative process and about the creation story in Genesis 1.
We were at New Hope Family Church in Sioux Falls on Sunday (we are pretty sure it will be our new home church unless God opens up a ministry job that He wants me to take). The sermon was on creationism vs. evolution. Pastor Chip did a very good job at laying out the facts of the debate with a desire for objectivity so that people can decide for themselves. Obviously, he had a strong bias on the creationism side, but wasn't afraid to address the fact that there are a few issues with creationism that will probably remain a mystery such as literal 24 hour days in the creation story or figurative.
As he spoke, he read the account in Genesis 1. When we got to day 4, I really wished we had camped there a moment in the "literal vs. figurative 24 hour" debate, because on day 4 we essentially see God create time:
14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 God made two great lights the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning the fourth day.
I don't think it makes a literal 24 hour day for days 1-3 a certainty, but I loved watching the pieces fall into place in a new way. I was trying to read this chapter with less of a textbook mentality, without familiarity and to allow myself to be captivated by the events it described. I was trying to picture it in my mind's eye as though I was given a front row seat to the creation of the world and tried to see it as though I didn't know what was coming next.
Day 1 was amazing! First there was this dark, shapeless void and then... BOOM! Light. Something I'm still trying to wrap my brain around is the idea that we get from Revelation of God being so radiant that He is the source of illumination. If God was like that prior to His creation of light, this would seem to be the first time in eternity that a source of light, radiance, illumination existed other than God. Can you imagine that scene? Glory to God! He just did something never before seen, never before experienced and never before even thought of. This was an amazing day and should be enough for us to be captivated by His power and His glory forever. But then came day 2.
Day 2 God began making something out of the nothing of the void. He took it and separated it out. He created the sky! Again, glory to God! He didn't even need to do anything more with this to impress us with His power. He could have left it as is and it would have been an amazing thing to behold.
On day 3 God created the land and the seas. Now where there was nothing but this shapeless void on day 1 and this separation of sky and water on day 2, there is this new thing, this solid matter with substance and shape that occupied actual space without the fluidity of that which came before it. Wouldn't this absolutely blow your mind? I'm looking at it and I can't believe that anything like this would have been conceived of based on what was there before. This was an amazing work of art that was the only kind in its medium! Not only did He form land, but vegetation was courtesy of day 3 as well. Plants, trees and their fruit and seeds. The reproductive cycle of vegetation was already in place and we haven't been given any indication that it is for anything but its own continuation. At this stage in the game, it just seems like God is showing off. By the time night sets in on day 3, I've got enough to process about who God is based on His creation to last me the rest of my life.
On day 4 more definition is given to this creation. The sun, moon and stars are all created. Did you catch that? The earth exists in the story before everything else that we see from it. More mystery than I can handle, but there it is. Not only are we given this ever changing, amazing canvas stretched out across the heavens to give us light, warmth and to inspire us to greater worship, God also creates the seasons, days and years. Again, it's a day that will amaze us if we will dwell on it and drink it in as we witness the creativity of a God who speaks things into reality beyond the imagination of any other being.
Day 5 brings the creation of birds and wildlife in the waters of the new creation. My parents are naturalists who spend a great deal of time watching birds and are amazed by the slightest variations from one bird to the next. I have inherited some of that, without the expertise. This isn't just a day that God created some birds and fish. This is a day he created thousands of varieties of creatures never seen before; a day He created eagles and hummingbirds, whales and octopi. This is a day where he created red shafted and yellow shafted flickers with seemingly no more variation than a bit of color. I am overwhelmed at the scope and intricacy of what was created just on day 5!
Day 6 is the money day for us. God finally creates man as well as other living creatures and gives man dominion over the creation that He has made. This is the day that the purpose of the rest of the creation comes into focus. This is the day that we think the whole creation thing is finally getting somewhere, because now we're in it.
We are day 6 people. Here's what that means to me.
God is a God of logic and a God of mystery. Could He have created the world in a different way? Probably. He's definitely creative that way. Does it make sense that He did it the way He did? Yes. Light, sea and sky, sea and land, plant life to produce oxygen and serve as food for the fish and birds to come, fish, birds, animals and fruit and vegetation to serve as food for man who is given dominion over the creation. Very logical (although stated a little too plainly to capture the glory of God in it).
I am in the process of re-creation. God is making something new of me and, if that is the case, there must be a reason for the way that He is doing it. I recognize that He has shed some light where there was only darkness before. I recognize that He is beginning to separate things out of me to give clearer definition to my life; things like the identity I have created for myself vs. the one I was given when Jesus entered my life. I am even beginning to recognize bits of land starting to crack the surface of the seas where I can begin to set foot instead of always swimming.
Here's where the tension in this process is: I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle of day 3 and I'm griping and complaining that it isn't day 6 yet.
Instead of embracing what God is doing in me and trusting that what He is forming is beautiful at every point in the process, I struggle because I can't see the whole creation yet and know what exactly is being created. Like a person that knows the creation story from Genesis and takes day 1 through day 5 for granted, I fail to be captivated by what God has created now. In the midst of my struggle, now God has done something beautiful. In the midst of feeling torn apart, now God has done something beautiful. In the midst of grieving separation from a spiritual family that I prayed for and loved like no other, now God has done something beautiful.
The process doesn't have to reach its end for God to be worthy of being glorified in it. And just like I've been mystified and captivated by the creation story this week, I don't have to wait for the clarity of day 6 before I embrace the beauty of what God is still creating in me.
We were at New Hope Family Church in Sioux Falls on Sunday (we are pretty sure it will be our new home church unless God opens up a ministry job that He wants me to take). The sermon was on creationism vs. evolution. Pastor Chip did a very good job at laying out the facts of the debate with a desire for objectivity so that people can decide for themselves. Obviously, he had a strong bias on the creationism side, but wasn't afraid to address the fact that there are a few issues with creationism that will probably remain a mystery such as literal 24 hour days in the creation story or figurative.
As he spoke, he read the account in Genesis 1. When we got to day 4, I really wished we had camped there a moment in the "literal vs. figurative 24 hour" debate, because on day 4 we essentially see God create time:
14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 God made two great lights the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning the fourth day.
I don't think it makes a literal 24 hour day for days 1-3 a certainty, but I loved watching the pieces fall into place in a new way. I was trying to read this chapter with less of a textbook mentality, without familiarity and to allow myself to be captivated by the events it described. I was trying to picture it in my mind's eye as though I was given a front row seat to the creation of the world and tried to see it as though I didn't know what was coming next.
Day 1 was amazing! First there was this dark, shapeless void and then... BOOM! Light. Something I'm still trying to wrap my brain around is the idea that we get from Revelation of God being so radiant that He is the source of illumination. If God was like that prior to His creation of light, this would seem to be the first time in eternity that a source of light, radiance, illumination existed other than God. Can you imagine that scene? Glory to God! He just did something never before seen, never before experienced and never before even thought of. This was an amazing day and should be enough for us to be captivated by His power and His glory forever. But then came day 2.
Day 2 God began making something out of the nothing of the void. He took it and separated it out. He created the sky! Again, glory to God! He didn't even need to do anything more with this to impress us with His power. He could have left it as is and it would have been an amazing thing to behold.
On day 3 God created the land and the seas. Now where there was nothing but this shapeless void on day 1 and this separation of sky and water on day 2, there is this new thing, this solid matter with substance and shape that occupied actual space without the fluidity of that which came before it. Wouldn't this absolutely blow your mind? I'm looking at it and I can't believe that anything like this would have been conceived of based on what was there before. This was an amazing work of art that was the only kind in its medium! Not only did He form land, but vegetation was courtesy of day 3 as well. Plants, trees and their fruit and seeds. The reproductive cycle of vegetation was already in place and we haven't been given any indication that it is for anything but its own continuation. At this stage in the game, it just seems like God is showing off. By the time night sets in on day 3, I've got enough to process about who God is based on His creation to last me the rest of my life.
On day 4 more definition is given to this creation. The sun, moon and stars are all created. Did you catch that? The earth exists in the story before everything else that we see from it. More mystery than I can handle, but there it is. Not only are we given this ever changing, amazing canvas stretched out across the heavens to give us light, warmth and to inspire us to greater worship, God also creates the seasons, days and years. Again, it's a day that will amaze us if we will dwell on it and drink it in as we witness the creativity of a God who speaks things into reality beyond the imagination of any other being.
Day 5 brings the creation of birds and wildlife in the waters of the new creation. My parents are naturalists who spend a great deal of time watching birds and are amazed by the slightest variations from one bird to the next. I have inherited some of that, without the expertise. This isn't just a day that God created some birds and fish. This is a day he created thousands of varieties of creatures never seen before; a day He created eagles and hummingbirds, whales and octopi. This is a day where he created red shafted and yellow shafted flickers with seemingly no more variation than a bit of color. I am overwhelmed at the scope and intricacy of what was created just on day 5!
Day 6 is the money day for us. God finally creates man as well as other living creatures and gives man dominion over the creation that He has made. This is the day that the purpose of the rest of the creation comes into focus. This is the day that we think the whole creation thing is finally getting somewhere, because now we're in it.
We are day 6 people. Here's what that means to me.
God is a God of logic and a God of mystery. Could He have created the world in a different way? Probably. He's definitely creative that way. Does it make sense that He did it the way He did? Yes. Light, sea and sky, sea and land, plant life to produce oxygen and serve as food for the fish and birds to come, fish, birds, animals and fruit and vegetation to serve as food for man who is given dominion over the creation. Very logical (although stated a little too plainly to capture the glory of God in it).
I am in the process of re-creation. God is making something new of me and, if that is the case, there must be a reason for the way that He is doing it. I recognize that He has shed some light where there was only darkness before. I recognize that He is beginning to separate things out of me to give clearer definition to my life; things like the identity I have created for myself vs. the one I was given when Jesus entered my life. I am even beginning to recognize bits of land starting to crack the surface of the seas where I can begin to set foot instead of always swimming.
Here's where the tension in this process is: I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle of day 3 and I'm griping and complaining that it isn't day 6 yet.
Instead of embracing what God is doing in me and trusting that what He is forming is beautiful at every point in the process, I struggle because I can't see the whole creation yet and know what exactly is being created. Like a person that knows the creation story from Genesis and takes day 1 through day 5 for granted, I fail to be captivated by what God has created now. In the midst of my struggle, now God has done something beautiful. In the midst of feeling torn apart, now God has done something beautiful. In the midst of grieving separation from a spiritual family that I prayed for and loved like no other, now God has done something beautiful.
The process doesn't have to reach its end for God to be worthy of being glorified in it. And just like I've been mystified and captivated by the creation story this week, I don't have to wait for the clarity of day 6 before I embrace the beauty of what God is still creating in me.
Doing Better
Wow. I've received several emails from friends who've actually been reading what I've been writing. It's been a blessing to hear words of encouragement from people who know what we're going through and genuinely love us.
I am doing quite a bit better than the other day. I think the heart to heart that I had with God on the ride the other day helped me to deal a little more honestly with what's going on. The next day was still a bit depressing, but by Wednesday night I could tell that the winds were shifting. I haven't dealt with a depression like this in several years and was having a bit of trouble seeing where it would end. Thankfully, it has at least let up for awhile.
I spent the day yesterday in Sioux Falls where we nearly made an offer on a house before deciding that we need to get the financing in place before we get ourselves in trouble if our Indiana house doesn't sell for awhile. We're hoping for some movement on the house and have set up an open house on Sept. 11th which we're hoping will generate some interest.
The main reason I was in Sioux Falls was to take the Postal exam. I sat in a hotel convention room for about three hours with about 150 or so strangers ranging in age from probably 20-55 and representing a variety of social and ethnic groups. It was an interesting process. The test was easy (as far as I was concerned) and I'm not sure how I'll shake out in the screening, but we'll see. I also talked to a sporting goods store about working as a bike mechanic. They don't have anything full time right now, but have some part time positions. It might not be a bad thing for me to do if only for the employee discount. I've also got an interview at a well known retailer next Wednesday and hope to hear on a few other job leads next week as well.
I'm feeling less pressure on the job front, but am still hoping that something other than the position I've accepted will come through in the next week or so.
I've still got more to write about from the other day, but I'll save it for a time when there's a little more time to process through it.
I am doing quite a bit better than the other day. I think the heart to heart that I had with God on the ride the other day helped me to deal a little more honestly with what's going on. The next day was still a bit depressing, but by Wednesday night I could tell that the winds were shifting. I haven't dealt with a depression like this in several years and was having a bit of trouble seeing where it would end. Thankfully, it has at least let up for awhile.
I spent the day yesterday in Sioux Falls where we nearly made an offer on a house before deciding that we need to get the financing in place before we get ourselves in trouble if our Indiana house doesn't sell for awhile. We're hoping for some movement on the house and have set up an open house on Sept. 11th which we're hoping will generate some interest.
The main reason I was in Sioux Falls was to take the Postal exam. I sat in a hotel convention room for about three hours with about 150 or so strangers ranging in age from probably 20-55 and representing a variety of social and ethnic groups. It was an interesting process. The test was easy (as far as I was concerned) and I'm not sure how I'll shake out in the screening, but we'll see. I also talked to a sporting goods store about working as a bike mechanic. They don't have anything full time right now, but have some part time positions. It might not be a bad thing for me to do if only for the employee discount. I've also got an interview at a well known retailer next Wednesday and hope to hear on a few other job leads next week as well.
I'm feeling less pressure on the job front, but am still hoping that something other than the position I've accepted will come through in the next week or so.
I've still got more to write about from the other day, but I'll save it for a time when there's a little more time to process through it.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Where to Begin?
I've been a little quiet of late. Lots going on, I just haven't had the urge, energy and opportunity to write all line up. I have to admit that right now only the opportunity is there, but I'm hoping that writing something now may get the ball rolling again.
On the jobfront:
I accepted a position today that would start on Sept. 6th. I still have some other resumes out, but needed to get the ball rolling as we're still living in Yankton and our money has run out.
On the homefront:
We've put in an offer on a place in Sioux Falls and are waiting to hear back from the seller. We're needing to do a rent to own deal since our place in Marion hasn't sold yet. There is an open house coming up for our home which we're hoping will generate something. We dropped the price (again) a few weeks ago in hopes of generating some interest, but haven't heard anything yet.
On the ministry front:
We're beginning to get a clearer vision for a ministry to artists in Sioux Falls. It scares me. It's huge. It will take time. It will take effort. It will be beautiful. I may write more about it when I can talk about it with some passion. Right now I'm just running on fumes.
On the God front:
I have been dealing with a fair amount of depression lately that finally spilled out on my ride yesterday. I've gone from feeling focused and passionate, to feeling absolutely alone and hopeless several times in the last few weeks. It finally hit a low point on Sunday for me and I felt helpless to do anything about it or to talk about it. I think it was a combination of resignation, continued rejection, frustration and refinement coming to a head.
I took a long ride yesterday morning and took the opportunity to lament a bit. Do you know how hard it is to keep a decent rhythm going on the bike when you are sobbing? I do. I had a Psalmist's prayer session trying to deal as honestly with God as I knew how. I told Him that I've just been trying to do what He has told me to do and that I'm depressed, confused and frustrated with what has been happening. I have felt isolated from Him as I've sought direction on jobs, houses and everything else over the last few months. I sensed Him telling me, "I am with you." I felt reassurance even though I'm struggling through this process. It gave me great opportunity to reflect on the fact that I'm being recreated (more on that process later).
I am just beginning to realize that I'm beginning to grieve the death of who I've been as God recreates me. I have grieved friends, the loss of a job and so many other things, bit I hadn't given any thought to the fact that I would mourn the loss of identity, certainty and clarity that I had before this whole adventure started. I'm no longer hoping for the "rainbows and lollipops" version of the story of this new calling. I'm just hoping to be on the other side of the story soon.
On the jobfront:
I accepted a position today that would start on Sept. 6th. I still have some other resumes out, but needed to get the ball rolling as we're still living in Yankton and our money has run out.
On the homefront:
We've put in an offer on a place in Sioux Falls and are waiting to hear back from the seller. We're needing to do a rent to own deal since our place in Marion hasn't sold yet. There is an open house coming up for our home which we're hoping will generate something. We dropped the price (again) a few weeks ago in hopes of generating some interest, but haven't heard anything yet.
On the ministry front:
We're beginning to get a clearer vision for a ministry to artists in Sioux Falls. It scares me. It's huge. It will take time. It will take effort. It will be beautiful. I may write more about it when I can talk about it with some passion. Right now I'm just running on fumes.
On the God front:
I have been dealing with a fair amount of depression lately that finally spilled out on my ride yesterday. I've gone from feeling focused and passionate, to feeling absolutely alone and hopeless several times in the last few weeks. It finally hit a low point on Sunday for me and I felt helpless to do anything about it or to talk about it. I think it was a combination of resignation, continued rejection, frustration and refinement coming to a head.
I took a long ride yesterday morning and took the opportunity to lament a bit. Do you know how hard it is to keep a decent rhythm going on the bike when you are sobbing? I do. I had a Psalmist's prayer session trying to deal as honestly with God as I knew how. I told Him that I've just been trying to do what He has told me to do and that I'm depressed, confused and frustrated with what has been happening. I have felt isolated from Him as I've sought direction on jobs, houses and everything else over the last few months. I sensed Him telling me, "I am with you." I felt reassurance even though I'm struggling through this process. It gave me great opportunity to reflect on the fact that I'm being recreated (more on that process later).
I am just beginning to realize that I'm beginning to grieve the death of who I've been as God recreates me. I have grieved friends, the loss of a job and so many other things, bit I hadn't given any thought to the fact that I would mourn the loss of identity, certainty and clarity that I had before this whole adventure started. I'm no longer hoping for the "rainbows and lollipops" version of the story of this new calling. I'm just hoping to be on the other side of the story soon.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Restoration
Yesterday's ride left me with a word to meditate on: restoration. I really feel as though God is doing a specific work of restoration in me through this season. I'm not sure exactly what He is restoring, whether it's a simple faith and trust, a connection with family (with all that family brings) or a reconnection with my roots to help me understand what has shaped me over almost 33 years. It's probably a bit of all of them. I definitely sense something taking place in all of those areas and more that are probably not as obvious and even more that I am not even aware of right now.
I can't help but be amazed by the fact that restoration is woven so deeply into the fabric of life. None of us are what we were created to be. God began the work of restoration before any of us knew that we were meant for something more. An emptiness was placed within us when Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in rebellion against God. Relationship, as God intended it between Himself and humanity, was fractured beyond our natural ability to heal it.
There's a reason that religions are so prevalent and have found so many different expressions in so many cultures over the entire history of humankind. It is an attempt to tap into that emptiness and find something to occupy that space. We try to fill it with everything we can think of; with money, family, accomplishment, pain, love, good deeds, lust, social consciousness, creativity, sex, entertainment, food, education... and find that none fit quite right and that no matter how much of it we try to cram in there, it's never enough and only brings a temporary reprieve which leaves us feeling more... emptiness.
All the while, God has raised His voice and said, "I'm right here." He has raised His voice by telling people about Himself through the Bible, by giving some rules to live by in the Ten Commandments, through the warnings of the prophets when people were living outside the rules, and ultimately, He has raised His voice through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The blood of Jesus speaks more loudly to our need for restoration than anything in all of human history. I believe that Jesus was the Son of God and the Son of Man. I believe He was fully God and fully human. I believe that He was tempted in every way (not necessarily with every individual temptation) known to man and that He lived a perfect, blameless, sin-free life.
I know some people don't believe in sin, but guess what, if you've ever done anything selfish in your life at someone else's expense, you are guilty of it. The Bible tells us that the wages of sin is death. A wage is something you earn. If you have sinned, your payment is death. But... I love that word in a case like this. After something hopeless has been laid at your feet, you love to hear the word "but." But, the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. A gift is something that is undeserved. It is something that someone else has paid for that is being offered to you.
There are those that say, "If God is a loving God, then how could He just sit around waiting to judge everybody? How could He send people to Hell if He loved them?" My response? The blood of Jesus is a gift offered that pays the penalty that we deserved. It is God's ultimate act of love for us. The death of His own Son, for the life of those that have rebelled, done their own thing and ignored Him. He's not sitting around waiting to judge. He's waiting for people to receive His gift and be restored to Him.
I don't know if anybody will read this that doesn't already believe all of this, but if you are one of those people, please feel free to comment or ask questions. Seriously look at it without prejudice or an outcome already in mind and see if it isn't true.
I can't help but be amazed by the fact that restoration is woven so deeply into the fabric of life. None of us are what we were created to be. God began the work of restoration before any of us knew that we were meant for something more. An emptiness was placed within us when Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in rebellion against God. Relationship, as God intended it between Himself and humanity, was fractured beyond our natural ability to heal it.
There's a reason that religions are so prevalent and have found so many different expressions in so many cultures over the entire history of humankind. It is an attempt to tap into that emptiness and find something to occupy that space. We try to fill it with everything we can think of; with money, family, accomplishment, pain, love, good deeds, lust, social consciousness, creativity, sex, entertainment, food, education... and find that none fit quite right and that no matter how much of it we try to cram in there, it's never enough and only brings a temporary reprieve which leaves us feeling more... emptiness.
All the while, God has raised His voice and said, "I'm right here." He has raised His voice by telling people about Himself through the Bible, by giving some rules to live by in the Ten Commandments, through the warnings of the prophets when people were living outside the rules, and ultimately, He has raised His voice through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The blood of Jesus speaks more loudly to our need for restoration than anything in all of human history. I believe that Jesus was the Son of God and the Son of Man. I believe He was fully God and fully human. I believe that He was tempted in every way (not necessarily with every individual temptation) known to man and that He lived a perfect, blameless, sin-free life.
I know some people don't believe in sin, but guess what, if you've ever done anything selfish in your life at someone else's expense, you are guilty of it. The Bible tells us that the wages of sin is death. A wage is something you earn. If you have sinned, your payment is death. But... I love that word in a case like this. After something hopeless has been laid at your feet, you love to hear the word "but." But, the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. A gift is something that is undeserved. It is something that someone else has paid for that is being offered to you.
There are those that say, "If God is a loving God, then how could He just sit around waiting to judge everybody? How could He send people to Hell if He loved them?" My response? The blood of Jesus is a gift offered that pays the penalty that we deserved. It is God's ultimate act of love for us. The death of His own Son, for the life of those that have rebelled, done their own thing and ignored Him. He's not sitting around waiting to judge. He's waiting for people to receive His gift and be restored to Him.
I don't know if anybody will read this that doesn't already believe all of this, but if you are one of those people, please feel free to comment or ask questions. Seriously look at it without prejudice or an outcome already in mind and see if it isn't true.
A Great Day
Today was a day I was looking forward to for some time. It was the first opportunity we've had to lead worship for a church service since May as we led for the Calvary Baptist Church in Yankton. We had been talking with the Pastor for a few weeks about what we could do to help out. We submitted song ideas, rounded up resources, rehearsed and finally got to lead just like we used to.
The day started early, but not quite as early as we've done before. The goal was to get out the door by 7:15 and most of us managed it. Jim and Marilyn's alarm didn't go off, so they were a few minutes behind us. As I was on the computer at about 6:45, this is what I saw...
The day started early, but not quite as early as we've done before. The goal was to get out the door by 7:15 and most of us managed it. Jim and Marilyn's alarm didn't go off, so they were a few minutes behind us. As I was on the computer at about 6:45, this is what I saw...
The picture doesn't do it any kind of justice. It was a full rainbow with one end directly across the lake on the south side from the house and the other end disappearing into the trees to the west. It was breath taking.
We got out the door with the kids and our gear and headed for the church to slight sprinkling when the next great thing happened: our windshield wipers worked on the first try. Our wipers haven't worked when we've needed them for the better part of a year. They kick on and off when they feel like and we turn them on when needed on the off chance that they will actually start sometime before the next day's driving occurs. When they worked the way they were supposed to, I was shocked.
On the way in to town we got to pass directly under a hot air balloon that was less than 100 feet off the ground. Xander thought that was a rather exciting thing to see on the way to church since he got to see them fire it up a few times as well.
The early service at the church went fairly well with most of their older congregation members there. It really was a joy to lead them in worship and do something that we love to do. We felt useful and they didn't run us out on a rail, so I would consider it a success.
After the service, we packed everything up and headed to the lake for the second service. They were having service in the park complete with baptisms in the lake and a picnic afterward. I'm not sure how well we did musically, but we had a good time with a congregation that was pretty responsive and were blessed to be a part of a special day for the eight who were baptized.
We ate too much, then came home to rest. I was hoping to see the end of the PGA Championship, but I guess I'll have to wait 'til tomorrow due to rain. If that's the only disappointment for the day, I'll take it.
Friday, August 12, 2005
House Hunting
We went house hunting today in Sioux Falls. We went even though our house in Marion has shown no signs of moving. Without it selling, we're going to have a hard time buying anything. Especially since the housing market is about twice here what it is in Marion.
The first place had a good deal of promise, although it lacked a big "hang out" space on the main floor. It did compensate with a finished room in the basement that would do the trick. I think it would suit our needs now while still giving us an opportunity to grow into the space over the years through remodeling. Amy and I talked about some of the things that we might do on the trip home, including a kitchen redo and shifting some of the space downstairs to expand family room type space into the existing dining room.
The second place was a bit of a dump. It had some nice character with built in sconce lighting and some good downstairs space, but everything needed to be touched up and the neighborhood was not so good.
The third place was a bit of a surprise to our realtor as it was only two bedrooms. It was a nice little house with some great features and existing decor, but it was too small for us to really consider. The neighborhood could have been better as well.
The fourth place looked great from the outside, but had some serious cosmetic issues inside. We're still not sure if the graffiti was intended as decor in the upstairs bedrooms or if it was the result of a break in due to the loud colors painted on the walls. The bedrooms were also quite small and, again, the neighborhood wasn't the greatest. I also had a pretty quick response to the house in my spirit. It definitely was not the place for us.
The fifth place was half a block from the first place we looked at. The realtor was a little embarrassed, but we thought it was funny. She was great; a lot of fun to be around and she has young kids as well, so she was really looking at the houses from a parent's perspective. The house was really nice downstairs, but a little squat upstairs and the only bathroom in the place made the one we had in Marion seem spacious. There also was no backyard at all. It is on a corner lot and if we wanted room for the kids to play we would have to fence in the rest of the yard to secure it.
It was nice to get out of the house for the day and to at least think about the next phase even if we're not quite able to step into it yet. Hopefully something will happen soon that will allow us to make the move before too much longer.
The first place had a good deal of promise, although it lacked a big "hang out" space on the main floor. It did compensate with a finished room in the basement that would do the trick. I think it would suit our needs now while still giving us an opportunity to grow into the space over the years through remodeling. Amy and I talked about some of the things that we might do on the trip home, including a kitchen redo and shifting some of the space downstairs to expand family room type space into the existing dining room.
The second place was a bit of a dump. It had some nice character with built in sconce lighting and some good downstairs space, but everything needed to be touched up and the neighborhood was not so good.
The third place was a bit of a surprise to our realtor as it was only two bedrooms. It was a nice little house with some great features and existing decor, but it was too small for us to really consider. The neighborhood could have been better as well.
The fourth place looked great from the outside, but had some serious cosmetic issues inside. We're still not sure if the graffiti was intended as decor in the upstairs bedrooms or if it was the result of a break in due to the loud colors painted on the walls. The bedrooms were also quite small and, again, the neighborhood wasn't the greatest. I also had a pretty quick response to the house in my spirit. It definitely was not the place for us.
The fifth place was half a block from the first place we looked at. The realtor was a little embarrassed, but we thought it was funny. She was great; a lot of fun to be around and she has young kids as well, so she was really looking at the houses from a parent's perspective. The house was really nice downstairs, but a little squat upstairs and the only bathroom in the place made the one we had in Marion seem spacious. There also was no backyard at all. It is on a corner lot and if we wanted room for the kids to play we would have to fence in the rest of the yard to secure it.
It was nice to get out of the house for the day and to at least think about the next phase even if we're not quite able to step into it yet. Hopefully something will happen soon that will allow us to make the move before too much longer.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Missing my fellow sports fans
Terrell Owens gets the boot from Eagles training camp and I'm isolated from anyone that I could carry on a two hour rant session about it with! Amy at least knows who T.O. is and has an understanding about what makes his situation so deplorable, but she'd probably only be into the conversation for about 30 seconds. Tim Lehrian and I would have carried on an entire lunch discussion on this one topic (with the Bucs and Steelers thrown in, I'm sure). Kyle Hufford and I would have wasted at least 15 minutes of productive work time on it. Tim Helm and I would have bored everybody else during the first part of a worship planning meeting due to news of this magnitude.
Instead I sit in South Dakota unable to carry on a sports conversation.
Instead I sit in South Dakota unable to carry on a sports conversation.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
A Day of Thanks
I had a great ride of about 42 miles this morning on a cooler, sunny day. The best part was that the wind was out of the east which prompted me to ride some places I hadn't been yet.
I met another rider named Barb on my way back into town. She had done day 1 of the Tour de Kota and day 1 of RAGBRAI into Sheldon (my home town), both with her husband, and rides a fair amount. Her riding partner, Jane, broke her neck in June so Barb has been doing a lot more solo riding this year. Marilyn (Amy's mom) knows Jane and I knew about her accident, so Barb and I had quite a bit to talk about.
I usually do a fair amount of praying on the bike and today was no different except for the fact that my prayers were different then they've been of late. I've been doing a lot of "I need" praying lately (somewhat spurred by the unemployment and all), but today I found myself in a day of thanks. No "I needs," no"Would You pleases" no "Are You sure You know what You're doings." Just thanks.
It's probably a combination of the endorphins and the shift in prayer focus, but I feel pretty good this morning.
I met another rider named Barb on my way back into town. She had done day 1 of the Tour de Kota and day 1 of RAGBRAI into Sheldon (my home town), both with her husband, and rides a fair amount. Her riding partner, Jane, broke her neck in June so Barb has been doing a lot more solo riding this year. Marilyn (Amy's mom) knows Jane and I knew about her accident, so Barb and I had quite a bit to talk about.
I usually do a fair amount of praying on the bike and today was no different except for the fact that my prayers were different then they've been of late. I've been doing a lot of "I need" praying lately (somewhat spurred by the unemployment and all), but today I found myself in a day of thanks. No "I needs," no"Would You pleases" no "Are You sure You know what You're doings." Just thanks.
It's probably a combination of the endorphins and the shift in prayer focus, but I feel pretty good this morning.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Current State of Mind
It seems like most of my thinking on the job hunt and house selling has turned rather pessimistic. I tend to consider myself more of a cynical optimist, so I find myself somewhat depressing to carry on a conversation with when my mind turns to those subjects. I really just want to find something, get started and see what happens from there, but then when something is presented, I'm not all that sure that I want it.
I have been offered a job with a large financial institution and I'm really hoping something better comes along before I'm forced to take it. I wouldn't start until Sept. 5th, so I have a brief window where an employer could sweep in and rescue me, but I have a feeling I'll be reporting to the large financial institution without much enthusiasm on Sept. 5th.
We're pretty much tapped out moneywise, we're living on the rather extended good graces of our family and really could benefit by having something happen soon.
Praise God for what we have. We have a great family support system, loving friends and the assurance that we're where we are supposed to be. I just wish I knew why we are here instead of already employed and living in Sioux Falls with no property in Indiana hanging over our heads. God is good and I know that this experience will not be wasted. Nothing I've ever done has been with Him.
I have been offered a job with a large financial institution and I'm really hoping something better comes along before I'm forced to take it. I wouldn't start until Sept. 5th, so I have a brief window where an employer could sweep in and rescue me, but I have a feeling I'll be reporting to the large financial institution without much enthusiasm on Sept. 5th.
We're pretty much tapped out moneywise, we're living on the rather extended good graces of our family and really could benefit by having something happen soon.
Praise God for what we have. We have a great family support system, loving friends and the assurance that we're where we are supposed to be. I just wish I knew why we are here instead of already employed and living in Sioux Falls with no property in Indiana hanging over our heads. God is good and I know that this experience will not be wasted. Nothing I've ever done has been with Him.
Xander's first camping adventure
Xander and I went camping last night with my sister Rena and her girls Cassie and Lexi at the campground near where we've been staying. It was Xander's first night in a tent. When Amy and I had been talking earlier this summer about camping out during the Tour de Kota, Xander had said that he wanted to go camping too. Of course, we weren't going to take him on the bike tour with us, so we had been talking about camping with him at some point this summer for the better part of two months. The perfect opportunity presented itself when Rena and the girls said they were going to come over.
Unfortunately, it is August in South Dakota and the temps were well in the 90's yesterday with a heat index of over 100. The only possible places to escape the heat were at the beach or at the house, so our family met Rena's down at the beach where we cooled off for a couple of hours. Lexi wanted to leave almost immediately, but soon hit her stride. Xander is an old pro at the beach by now and had a great time. Cassie found a clam, named it "Freddie" and was determined to take it home with her. Amy took Maia back up to the house after awhile and we joined her later and did dinner in the a/c with Jim and Marilyn.
At about 8:00 Rena, Lexi, Cassie, Xander and I headed back down to the campsite. I set up the tent for "the boys" while Rena got a fire going. She kept commenting on how it didn't make sense to light a fire when it was still so hot, but that's what you do when you go camping isn't it? I was glad for the fire, because the bugs weren't nearly so bad around it. We had been chewed up almost as soon as we got there and setting up the tent was an exercise in concentration with gnats buzzing right in front of my eyes.
We hung out around the fire for a bit and had smores while Lexi and Xander kept finding new games to play and ways to keep themselves entertained. Those two can play for hours in any setting with anything they find. It's been great that they've had so much time together this summer.
I think we were all a bit tired from the beach and the heat and turned in shortly after 9:30. Xander and I got into the tent and I showed him his spot, blankets and pillow and we said goodnight. It was still pretty hot and the breeze we had enjoyed earlier in the day had deserted us, so sleep was elusive for awhile. Every once in awhile I would open my eyes to check on Xander. The kid was all over the place trying to find a comfortable spot. He's used to having a good sized bed all to himself, so he is usually able to move around to find a comfortable spot until he falls asleep. At one point he was completely off of the sleeping bags that we were using as a pad and was all the way over at the side of the tent. A little later, his head was right next to my thigh and he was sleeping perpendicular to me in the tent. We were sharing one queen sized bed sheet which was made difficult by this sleeping configuration and when I pulled the blanket back onto me, he stirred enough to go back to his original sleeping position with his head on his pillow.
The breeze finally kicked in again sometime in the middle of the night which brought a little bit of relief. We each had a throw blanket that we could use if it cooled down which I finally went for at about 6:30. Xander was curled up in the middle of the tent, so I covered his legs with his blanket and we managed to sleep more or less until about 8:00.
We got up and sprayed the bug spray again before heading down to the bathroom. By the time we came back, the girls were up and the bugs were buzzing again. We had breakfast and Xander and Lexi ran around a tree for awhile before Xander and I headed back up the hill to the house.
Rena called a little later and said that she and the girls were going to head for home. The bugs, the heat and the prospect of another long night convinced them that they'd had enough "fun" for this trip.
Xander seemed to enjoy himself. I was hoping that he'd have a good time after thinking about going for a couple of months, but there was a part of me that was hoping he wouldn't enjoy it too much for fear that he might make me go again and again. I'm not much on camping, but I'm huge on my son enjoying life and being there to enjoy it with him, so if he wants to go again, heat, bugs and all, I'll be there with him.
Unfortunately, it is August in South Dakota and the temps were well in the 90's yesterday with a heat index of over 100. The only possible places to escape the heat were at the beach or at the house, so our family met Rena's down at the beach where we cooled off for a couple of hours. Lexi wanted to leave almost immediately, but soon hit her stride. Xander is an old pro at the beach by now and had a great time. Cassie found a clam, named it "Freddie" and was determined to take it home with her. Amy took Maia back up to the house after awhile and we joined her later and did dinner in the a/c with Jim and Marilyn.
At about 8:00 Rena, Lexi, Cassie, Xander and I headed back down to the campsite. I set up the tent for "the boys" while Rena got a fire going. She kept commenting on how it didn't make sense to light a fire when it was still so hot, but that's what you do when you go camping isn't it? I was glad for the fire, because the bugs weren't nearly so bad around it. We had been chewed up almost as soon as we got there and setting up the tent was an exercise in concentration with gnats buzzing right in front of my eyes.
We hung out around the fire for a bit and had smores while Lexi and Xander kept finding new games to play and ways to keep themselves entertained. Those two can play for hours in any setting with anything they find. It's been great that they've had so much time together this summer.
I think we were all a bit tired from the beach and the heat and turned in shortly after 9:30. Xander and I got into the tent and I showed him his spot, blankets and pillow and we said goodnight. It was still pretty hot and the breeze we had enjoyed earlier in the day had deserted us, so sleep was elusive for awhile. Every once in awhile I would open my eyes to check on Xander. The kid was all over the place trying to find a comfortable spot. He's used to having a good sized bed all to himself, so he is usually able to move around to find a comfortable spot until he falls asleep. At one point he was completely off of the sleeping bags that we were using as a pad and was all the way over at the side of the tent. A little later, his head was right next to my thigh and he was sleeping perpendicular to me in the tent. We were sharing one queen sized bed sheet which was made difficult by this sleeping configuration and when I pulled the blanket back onto me, he stirred enough to go back to his original sleeping position with his head on his pillow.
The breeze finally kicked in again sometime in the middle of the night which brought a little bit of relief. We each had a throw blanket that we could use if it cooled down which I finally went for at about 6:30. Xander was curled up in the middle of the tent, so I covered his legs with his blanket and we managed to sleep more or less until about 8:00.
We got up and sprayed the bug spray again before heading down to the bathroom. By the time we came back, the girls were up and the bugs were buzzing again. We had breakfast and Xander and Lexi ran around a tree for awhile before Xander and I headed back up the hill to the house.
Rena called a little later and said that she and the girls were going to head for home. The bugs, the heat and the prospect of another long night convinced them that they'd had enough "fun" for this trip.
Xander seemed to enjoy himself. I was hoping that he'd have a good time after thinking about going for a couple of months, but there was a part of me that was hoping he wouldn't enjoy it too much for fear that he might make me go again and again. I'm not much on camping, but I'm huge on my son enjoying life and being there to enjoy it with him, so if he wants to go again, heat, bugs and all, I'll be there with him.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Common Summer Scenes from Yankton
I was at the beach (South Dakota style) with the family this morning and while they played, I talked with my friend Keith Conner on the phone. I tried to describe where we'd been living this summer to him and was doing a poor job of it, so I decided to take a few pics to post.
The first one is from the beach where I called Keith from. It's my daughter Maia and Amy's Mom Marilyn, who we've been staying with this summer.
The second one is from the deck at the house looking across the lake at the Nebraska side of the Missouri River at about 8:00 pm. There are certainly worse places to call home when you are unemployed!
Friday, August 05, 2005
All I Need...
On my ride this morning I had some time to think about where things are headed and how things seem a little stalled right now on the job front. I've had contact with a few churches about worship positions but get discouraged when they don't want to enter into immediate courtship. Granted, they are Baptist churches and I'm coming from a Methodist background which can mean any number of things but is usually not a positive association in this area of the country, so I can understand their hesitation. I'm just not finding much else to apply for that I'm qualified for or interested in. I had sent 16 applications out the week before we left for Indiana, but I'm having trouble finding much of anything to apply for right now.
As I was working through all of this in prayer this morning, I got the sense that God was saying that I needed to stop trying so hard and to trust Him more. Now, I've already trusted Him to the point where I've left my job, moved my family 1000 miles and pretty much tapped out our bank account so that we're having to live off of the goodwill of friends and family. That's pretty trusting, but God wants to teach me more.
One of our songs at camp last week was "All I Need is You." I have an idea of what that means, but I think God wants to get me past the idea and into the reality of it. I think He wants to get me beyond the "Okay, I know all I need is You, so I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing and trust that You're going to open the right door" stage that I find myself in. I think He wants to bring me to a new point of reliance on Him that I've only gotten glimpses of through Scripture and the lives of some of those that I've done life with but have never experienced for myself.
I realize right now that I am completely at His mercy. I've been given opportunity to walk away from this calling but haven't wanted to. At the same time, I've been unwilling/unable to trust fully and embrace this calling with everything I have. My pride as a husband and son-in-law finds me wanting to make something happen to prove to everybody that I can provide for my family and that I wasn't a complete lunatic for making this move. I find myself saying that I am willing to take just about anything in order to get into the community of Sioux Falls so we can begin to pursue the calling, but then find that I am unable to get some of the jobs that I thought I'd have no problem at least getting an interview for.
God, I need You to build in me that which I am lacking. I can't quite see exactly what it is You are trying to teach me. Give me the 101 course on trust if that's what is needed. I'm hearing what you're saying, but like the disciples, I need You to tell me what it actually means. Soften my heart, open my ears, open my eyes and remake me. Amen.
As I was working through all of this in prayer this morning, I got the sense that God was saying that I needed to stop trying so hard and to trust Him more. Now, I've already trusted Him to the point where I've left my job, moved my family 1000 miles and pretty much tapped out our bank account so that we're having to live off of the goodwill of friends and family. That's pretty trusting, but God wants to teach me more.
One of our songs at camp last week was "All I Need is You." I have an idea of what that means, but I think God wants to get me past the idea and into the reality of it. I think He wants to get me beyond the "Okay, I know all I need is You, so I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing and trust that You're going to open the right door" stage that I find myself in. I think He wants to bring me to a new point of reliance on Him that I've only gotten glimpses of through Scripture and the lives of some of those that I've done life with but have never experienced for myself.
I realize right now that I am completely at His mercy. I've been given opportunity to walk away from this calling but haven't wanted to. At the same time, I've been unwilling/unable to trust fully and embrace this calling with everything I have. My pride as a husband and son-in-law finds me wanting to make something happen to prove to everybody that I can provide for my family and that I wasn't a complete lunatic for making this move. I find myself saying that I am willing to take just about anything in order to get into the community of Sioux Falls so we can begin to pursue the calling, but then find that I am unable to get some of the jobs that I thought I'd have no problem at least getting an interview for.
God, I need You to build in me that which I am lacking. I can't quite see exactly what it is You are trying to teach me. Give me the 101 course on trust if that's what is needed. I'm hearing what you're saying, but like the disciples, I need You to tell me what it actually means. Soften my heart, open my ears, open my eyes and remake me. Amen.
Velvet Elvis
I just finished Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell last night and can't wait to read it again. I entered the first round just wanting to read it straight through and enjoy it, but it didn't take me long to realize that I'd want to dig a little deeper and pick it apart on the next trip through. It doesn't hurt that we worked with Matt Carder, an Associate Pastor at Union Chapel in Muncie, who had just been at a thing with Rob Bell and is obviously influenced by Bell's teaching style and content.
For those who don't know Bell, he is the founding Pastor of Mars Hill in Grand Rapids, Michigan which is one of the fastest growing churches in American history. His teaching is very grounded in the historical and cultural context of Scripture in order to get to the heart of what the Bible intended to teach the culture it was presented to, which also gives it greater meaning for us today. It goes beyond the "This is what the Greek word is and this is how it is translated" kind of thing to "This is the setting it was spoken in, this is who it was presented to and this is what they would have understood it to mean." It takes some commonly taught Scriptures and gives them entirely new meaning by teaching us the original meaning for the first time.
Velvet Elvis is a great read with some interesting perspective on our identity in Christ, the life of the Church and how we need to be constantly re-evaluating our thinking. I highly recommend it.
For those who don't know Bell, he is the founding Pastor of Mars Hill in Grand Rapids, Michigan which is one of the fastest growing churches in American history. His teaching is very grounded in the historical and cultural context of Scripture in order to get to the heart of what the Bible intended to teach the culture it was presented to, which also gives it greater meaning for us today. It goes beyond the "This is what the Greek word is and this is how it is translated" kind of thing to "This is the setting it was spoken in, this is who it was presented to and this is what they would have understood it to mean." It takes some commonly taught Scriptures and gives them entirely new meaning by teaching us the original meaning for the first time.
Velvet Elvis is a great read with some interesting perspective on our identity in Christ, the life of the Church and how we need to be constantly re-evaluating our thinking. I highly recommend it.
Hey, look! A dog!
I finally got chased by my first South Dakota dog while riding this morning. Unfortunately, it was a bitty little thing that didn't offer much of a challenge, but I am choosing to take heart that dogs do exist here and that they are sometimes inclined to offer a cyclist a little bit of extra-curricular activity. I hadn't been chased in about two months and was disappointed when riding back in Indiana a few weeks ago since I chose some of my favorite routes with some of the fastest dogs I've encountered and didn't even get a nibble. Hopefully, this morning just served to prime the pump and I'll be in for some serious interval work over the next month or so.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The irony of our summer
If you've been reading this, by now you know that we are in the midst of moving from Indiana to South Dakota to pursue what we believe is a God-given call. Our last day of employment was May 31st and we are still on the job hunt. Hanfield (our church) was extremely generous in sending us off and we've been very thankful. Even so, we've experienced a slew of atypical incidents that have required extra funds that we really probably could have used elsewhere. The following is a list of those items that we have broken or replaced this summer (as best as I can remember). I don't list these to complain or to plead for financial help from anybody. I list them because I find it ironic and humorous.
New muffler- the tail pipe on our van fell off on the first leg of our journey near Kankakee, IL.
New bike wheels- when we stopped to get the tailpipe looked at, the van was backed into a sign at the garage we stopped at. My bike was on the back of the van and my rear bike wheel was destroyed three days before beginning a bike tour in South Dakota. I did get a great deal on new wheels!
Cracked windshield- in a moment of stupidity, I climbed up the front of the van (a Pontiac Transport, you know, one of those dustbuster looking things) to put one of my bikes on a rooftop carrier and stepped in a spot on the windshield that gave under my 210 pounds. The resulting spider web is at eye level on the driver's side, but we're going to try to wait it out.
Broken front running light- again, the van. I was getting ready to drive up to the auditorium at Epworth Forest where we were leading worship for a camp last week and in picking my route failed to see the cement reinforced drain with menacing iron grate. Stupid. Truly stupid. No plans to fix it as yet.
Electrical for trailer- the electrical wiring that we had running on the van was too corroded to get a signal to the Uhaul trailer that we rented last week so that we could move some more of our stuff to South Dakota. Surprisingly, the Uhaul guys let me drive off the lot with the trailer from Peru, IN to Marion, IN where we were able to get the wiring replaced for about $50.
Broken glasses- In trying to get the trailer reattached to the van after getting the electrical fixed, we had a few issues to overcome. It was a hot afternoon and I had just finished helping a friend move a ton of stuff into the trailer, so I was sweating like a chubby Elvis. In order to keep my glasses from slipping off my face, I took them off and set them on a cinder block while I kept working. It wasn't the wisest thing to do and learned that the glasses were not made to withstand being sat upon by a six year old when our friends' son started to sit on them. Thanks to Mom Lofflin for purchasing new frames for me. Don't worry about it Scott and Jeanette.
That's all I can remember for the moment, but we've come to expect things to fall apart or be broken this summer. We half expected the van to fall apart like the Blues Mobile in front of the Cook County Building in The Blues Brothers when we arrived at the house on Sunday. We were pleased that it did not.
New muffler- the tail pipe on our van fell off on the first leg of our journey near Kankakee, IL.
New bike wheels- when we stopped to get the tailpipe looked at, the van was backed into a sign at the garage we stopped at. My bike was on the back of the van and my rear bike wheel was destroyed three days before beginning a bike tour in South Dakota. I did get a great deal on new wheels!
Cracked windshield- in a moment of stupidity, I climbed up the front of the van (a Pontiac Transport, you know, one of those dustbuster looking things) to put one of my bikes on a rooftop carrier and stepped in a spot on the windshield that gave under my 210 pounds. The resulting spider web is at eye level on the driver's side, but we're going to try to wait it out.
Broken front running light- again, the van. I was getting ready to drive up to the auditorium at Epworth Forest where we were leading worship for a camp last week and in picking my route failed to see the cement reinforced drain with menacing iron grate. Stupid. Truly stupid. No plans to fix it as yet.
Electrical for trailer- the electrical wiring that we had running on the van was too corroded to get a signal to the Uhaul trailer that we rented last week so that we could move some more of our stuff to South Dakota. Surprisingly, the Uhaul guys let me drive off the lot with the trailer from Peru, IN to Marion, IN where we were able to get the wiring replaced for about $50.
Broken glasses- In trying to get the trailer reattached to the van after getting the electrical fixed, we had a few issues to overcome. It was a hot afternoon and I had just finished helping a friend move a ton of stuff into the trailer, so I was sweating like a chubby Elvis. In order to keep my glasses from slipping off my face, I took them off and set them on a cinder block while I kept working. It wasn't the wisest thing to do and learned that the glasses were not made to withstand being sat upon by a six year old when our friends' son started to sit on them. Thanks to Mom Lofflin for purchasing new frames for me. Don't worry about it Scott and Jeanette.
That's all I can remember for the moment, but we've come to expect things to fall apart or be broken this summer. We half expected the van to fall apart like the Blues Mobile in front of the Cook County Building in The Blues Brothers when we arrived at the house on Sunday. We were pleased that it did not.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Thoughts about our trip
I wasn't sure how I was going to react to being back in Indiana over the last few weeks. At first it seemed like we had just returned from vacation, except for the fact that we did none of the normal, routine things and all of our stuff was in boxes. Camp sort of threw us off the scent as that's a week that is always a little different for us from the normal routine.
Looking back, I think it seemed like a bit of vacation in the midst of all of the nothing we've been doing in South Dakota this summer. When we arrived back in Marion, I felt weird and out of place. When we got back to Yankton the other day, it seemed like we were home again.
It certainly is not that we didn't enjoy the company the last few weeks in Indiana. We saw a lot of friends and only managed to eat three meals at the house all week, but it definitely felt like we were visitors even when we were surrounded by all of our own things.
We have started moving our stuff to South Dakota. We rented a 5'x8' trailer which Scott Hoeksema helped me load with over half of the possessions that we had already boxed up. We managed to bring things like clothing, books and kids' toys, you know, the important stuff. We still have some things to clear out, but without employment, we could go back almost any time that we want. Cash flow is becoming an issue though, so a job may need to happen before we can think of bringing anything else back.
Well, it's late, I'm tired and I'm beginning to wonder whether anything I've said makes sense, so I think I'll post this and then worry about editing it in the morning if it is just incoherent babble.
Looking back, I think it seemed like a bit of vacation in the midst of all of the nothing we've been doing in South Dakota this summer. When we arrived back in Marion, I felt weird and out of place. When we got back to Yankton the other day, it seemed like we were home again.
It certainly is not that we didn't enjoy the company the last few weeks in Indiana. We saw a lot of friends and only managed to eat three meals at the house all week, but it definitely felt like we were visitors even when we were surrounded by all of our own things.
We have started moving our stuff to South Dakota. We rented a 5'x8' trailer which Scott Hoeksema helped me load with over half of the possessions that we had already boxed up. We managed to bring things like clothing, books and kids' toys, you know, the important stuff. We still have some things to clear out, but without employment, we could go back almost any time that we want. Cash flow is becoming an issue though, so a job may need to happen before we can think of bringing anything else back.
Well, it's late, I'm tired and I'm beginning to wonder whether anything I've said makes sense, so I think I'll post this and then worry about editing it in the morning if it is just incoherent babble.
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