Tonight I finally made the transition from shop manager to part time service tech at the bike shop. After a couple of miss starts, I finally got to meet my replacement, Mark, tonight. Most of his night was taken up with orientation, but we got a little chance to talk. I'm definitely looking forward to just being one of the guys and hope that things work well with Mark and that I can be a help to him.
I will readily admit to a little bit of melancholy after my shift tonight. I've put in almost five years at the store and did my best to add value to whatever role I was asked to play. I think I did a decent job and left every area I worked better than when I started. My hope is that I'll be able to continue to add value to the shop in a part time capacity and can still be a valued part of the team.
Thankfully, now I am unencumbered to focus my energy more firmly on Embrace and the future of this church that God has called me to serve. I am really enjoying what I am doing and love the dynamic with the staff. I feel, again, that I have something to offer and hope that I bring something to the table that will help Embrace move closer to the vision that God has for her.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Intimacy
I returned yesterday from a retreat at Blue Cloud Abbey, a monastery in northeast South Dakota, with one of the guys from my small group and a group of men from Cornerstone UMC in Watertown. I really didn't know what to expect as I am not really a "men's retreat" kind of guy. I've always kind of shied away from the stereotypical male bonding, kill an elk, drum in a circle kind of activities that I might envision when I hear about such events. Thankfully, this was not one of those retreats.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a processor. It can take days or weeks for me to wrestle with the things I've been thinking before I have the ability to coherently state what it is that the Lord has impressed upon me. I'm still processing from this weekend, but feel that there is one area where processing out loud may actually help move the process forward.
One of the questions that we dealt with in groups on Friday night was along the lines of "Is there an area in your life where you need to come alive?" I was surprised at how quickly an answer came to mind. I really feel a sense that I am struggling in the area of intimacy with God. When God first called me into ministry it was a time of recommitment for me as well and, obviously, there was a great sense of the intimate presence of God. As is common, over time, God seemed to withdraw that closeness little by little so that I was no longer living out of the emotions I was feeling, but out of the faith that God was present and working, even when I didn't sense Him.
Fast forward several years and I almost feel like I need to relearn what intimacy with the Lord is like. I'm afraid that it's been so long since I've had a consistent intimacy with God that I almost don't expect Him to fill that need in my heart. I never thought that I was pulling away, but I believe I have done so over a period of time where God didn't seem to show up as I experienced disappointment, frustration and pain. The closeness we once had seemed so completely absent that I began to stop looking for it.
Durning my quiet time at the Abbey, I wrote the following:
Early on, fellowship was free between us. As time went on, You gave me more space and freedom, which I mistook for abandonment - loving abandonment with room for me to grow and learn to love and trust You without feeling the emotions of intimacy.
I have craved that intimacy again, but when I couldn't seem to find it with You, I began to seek it elsewhere, not even knowing I was doing so. I began to rely on that intimacy more and more when I wasn't finding it with You and, eventually, even the intimacy of wife, family and friends, being human and finite, failed to completely fill the hunger.
I began to seek intimacy through false substitutes; through finding a sense of worth in the eyes of others. I was looking for intimacy and validation anywhere I could find it, because I didn't seem to be finding it with You as in the beginning.
Lord, help me come to the root of it. Help me recognize what I'm searching for and to be patient enough and sensitive enough to find it in You. Reignite a vibrant, passionate relationship with You again. Help me be restored to healthy intimacy in all areas of my life and help me recognize when I begin to settle for false substitutes when all I really want is You.
Teach me to trust You again. Teach me that You are still intimately involved and close to me. When no one else seems to want to be close to me, teach me that You are. Take the fragments of my self destruction and make me whole again.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a processor. It can take days or weeks for me to wrestle with the things I've been thinking before I have the ability to coherently state what it is that the Lord has impressed upon me. I'm still processing from this weekend, but feel that there is one area where processing out loud may actually help move the process forward.
One of the questions that we dealt with in groups on Friday night was along the lines of "Is there an area in your life where you need to come alive?" I was surprised at how quickly an answer came to mind. I really feel a sense that I am struggling in the area of intimacy with God. When God first called me into ministry it was a time of recommitment for me as well and, obviously, there was a great sense of the intimate presence of God. As is common, over time, God seemed to withdraw that closeness little by little so that I was no longer living out of the emotions I was feeling, but out of the faith that God was present and working, even when I didn't sense Him.
Fast forward several years and I almost feel like I need to relearn what intimacy with the Lord is like. I'm afraid that it's been so long since I've had a consistent intimacy with God that I almost don't expect Him to fill that need in my heart. I never thought that I was pulling away, but I believe I have done so over a period of time where God didn't seem to show up as I experienced disappointment, frustration and pain. The closeness we once had seemed so completely absent that I began to stop looking for it.
Durning my quiet time at the Abbey, I wrote the following:
Early on, fellowship was free between us. As time went on, You gave me more space and freedom, which I mistook for abandonment - loving abandonment with room for me to grow and learn to love and trust You without feeling the emotions of intimacy.
I have craved that intimacy again, but when I couldn't seem to find it with You, I began to seek it elsewhere, not even knowing I was doing so. I began to rely on that intimacy more and more when I wasn't finding it with You and, eventually, even the intimacy of wife, family and friends, being human and finite, failed to completely fill the hunger.
I began to seek intimacy through false substitutes; through finding a sense of worth in the eyes of others. I was looking for intimacy and validation anywhere I could find it, because I didn't seem to be finding it with You as in the beginning.
Lord, help me come to the root of it. Help me recognize what I'm searching for and to be patient enough and sensitive enough to find it in You. Reignite a vibrant, passionate relationship with You again. Help me be restored to healthy intimacy in all areas of my life and help me recognize when I begin to settle for false substitutes when all I really want is You.
Teach me to trust You again. Teach me that You are still intimately involved and close to me. When no one else seems to want to be close to me, teach me that You are. Take the fragments of my self destruction and make me whole again.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Heaven
Our small group started a new study last night about heaven. It's from the Convergence DVD series hosted by Donald Miller, featuring insights from Randy Alcorn. Very interesting stuff and it sparked some good conversation. We spent a decent amount of time discussing what we thought heaven will be like, especially in light of Alcorn's assertion of it being a physical place in the "new heaven and new earth" as laid out in Revelation 21 and 2 Peter 3. Some of the discussion was light hearted along the lines of "will there be dogs there" and "will there be golf there" and others delved into issues of identity with the physical resurrection and whether we would even recognize each other.
The thing that I've been thinking through since last night is how quickly our thoughts turn to our comfort and our benefits when we discuss heaven. "What will I do? Will I see my loved ones? Will I get to ride a bike?" (that last one's for me). Since the hope of heaven is one of the greatest things that God has given us, I think He actually enjoys it when we dream about those kind of things. I think it's somewhat like when my kids start talking about their expectations for their birthday or Christmas. It's fun to hear about what they hope to receive when the day arrives, knowing some of what is in store for them. Most of the questions issued in the study sort of directed us to these types of topics.
As I've reflected more, I find myself praying that as we continue to explore this topic, that our hearts will become consumed less with our benefit and more with His glory. The glory of God far surpasses anything that we could hope for in this life or the life to come. As much as I enjoy thinking about joyous reunions, long awaited conversations and finally having a body mass index that meets the expectations of my WiiFit program, I believe we will be so overwhelmed and captivated by the glory and love of God that these will seem like trivial desires. I think God will still allow us the enjoyment and benefit of those things, but that we won't want them nearly as much when we begin to drown in the sea of His glory.
I'm definitely looking forward to further conversation and seeing how my thinking is shaped over the course of this study.
The thing that I've been thinking through since last night is how quickly our thoughts turn to our comfort and our benefits when we discuss heaven. "What will I do? Will I see my loved ones? Will I get to ride a bike?" (that last one's for me). Since the hope of heaven is one of the greatest things that God has given us, I think He actually enjoys it when we dream about those kind of things. I think it's somewhat like when my kids start talking about their expectations for their birthday or Christmas. It's fun to hear about what they hope to receive when the day arrives, knowing some of what is in store for them. Most of the questions issued in the study sort of directed us to these types of topics.
As I've reflected more, I find myself praying that as we continue to explore this topic, that our hearts will become consumed less with our benefit and more with His glory. The glory of God far surpasses anything that we could hope for in this life or the life to come. As much as I enjoy thinking about joyous reunions, long awaited conversations and finally having a body mass index that meets the expectations of my WiiFit program, I believe we will be so overwhelmed and captivated by the glory and love of God that these will seem like trivial desires. I think God will still allow us the enjoyment and benefit of those things, but that we won't want them nearly as much when we begin to drown in the sea of His glory.
I'm definitely looking forward to further conversation and seeing how my thinking is shaped over the course of this study.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)