Anne Rice's Jesus Book

I just read an article that our friend Angie sent our way from Newsweek about Anne Rice's return to faith and her upcoming book about Jesus. Should be interesting. In college, I read anything of hers I could get my hands on. She's always been a compelling, almost classic style writer with a vivid imagination and a way of drawing you deeply into the characters that she's created. I'm not necessarily endorsing the book for anybody else, but I'll be reading it.

The book brings up some interesting discussion about faith and art. Amy told me that she had looked at a few blogs that were more or less writing Rice off because once an artist becomes a Christian they spend all of their energy defending their newfound faith and the art takes a back seat. An interesting perspective, but a poor stereotype of artists of faith.

It is true in a great many cases that an artist's popularity after coming to faith is less than they experienced prior to making that declaration, but it is not always the case. Guys like Johnny Cash and C.S. Lewis seemed to do alright. I think the way artists are judged in the before/after mentality is unduly harsh. They tend to suffer the inevitable comparisons between their latter work and their former work with a pronouncement of faith as a clear dividing line. It is unfair because we are not before/after people. We are people in transition. Yes, we have defining moments, but those defining moments are most often the culmination of other moments, not a black/white encounter unrelated to all that has come before.

The before/after comparisons will certainly be the challenge that Rice faces. I've read a lot of the Vampire Chronicles, the Mayfair Witch books and a lot of her other works and this will almost certainly put her in another genre. I have a great deal of respect for her as an author and artist though and believe that her style, descriptive narrative and engaging character treatments will continue as long as she's an author. Do I think she'll still be as popular? Probably not. Do I think she'll continue to strive to make great art? Absolutely. Many artists take some time to find firm footing when changing mediums. My hope is that her effort will be rewarding for her as an artist and a sister in Christ.

Missing Ministry

I've said it in a few different ways over the last several months, but this week really has me missing vocational ministry. Sunday we were at Hanfield after loading the last of our possessions into the truck on Saturday. It was a creative service that made me proud and sad. Proud because I felt that the planning was a continuation of the direction that we were headed while still on staff there. Sad because we weren't able to be a part of that continued journey. I'm sure that it was a combination of missing the creative process and missing the people involved, but it brought to light just how keenly I miss being an integral part of a creative process.

On the plus side, Amy and I had a meeting with Chip and Hal from New Hope and Tom Henderson who will be guest speaking on Nov. 6th because Amy and I get to take responsibility for the music on the Nov. 6th service while Chip and Hal are out of town. I'm looking forward to getting to lead again, even if it's only for one Sunday. It was nice to be in a planning setting again, to talk about different options and try to make the elements of the service flow together again. You'd think after doing that week in, week out for eight years that I'd welcome the break, but I miss it a lot.

I still don't have a handle on what God is doing in this season, but I find myself thinking about ministry more and more often. I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to do it in a vocational setting, but I'm thankful to get to stretch those muscles a little every now and then.

Extended Absence Explained

Okay, I've been a bit delinquent. I'm sure the literally handful of you that will ever read this have been waiting in rapt anticipation. We have been moving this week and are finally starting to feel at home in our place in Sioux Falls.

We left one week ago and drove overnight from Sioux Falls, SD to Marion, IN. Amy and Xander picked me up after work (Maia was with my folks) at midnight and we arrived shortly after 1:00 the next afternoon at Keith Connor's place. Keith had a gig over the weekend and told me to stop by if we got there before he left. We then picked up the truck, dropped it off at the house and went over to Brent and Kathy Williams' place where we enjoyed tremendous hospitality. It isn't everywhere that you can show up after sleeping just a few hours on the road and grab a shower and a nap before socializing with friends you haven't seen in months! We had great chili (not a soup, for the record) and had fun hanging out and catching up.

Saturday was moving day. We met at our house at 10:00 and started loading the truck. It was primarily furniture with some boxes and odds and ends to boot. We weren't too far in when we realized we didn't have enough truck to do the job. We continued to plug away anyway and made plans over lunch to add a 5' x 8' trailer to the equation. A little while into loading truck and trailer, we still weren't sure we had enough truck, but when the doors were pulled shut at 7:00 pm, we had everything that was going with us.

Sunday morning was hard. We went to Hanfield and got there a little bit before the end of 1st service, attended 2nd service and hung out into the 3rd service before starting the drive. It was great to see so many friends and enjoyed the service a lot, but it felt like we spent the entire morning saying goodbye again. We crammed as much catching up as we could into the conversations we did have, but we wished we could have spent more time talking to everybody. I was especially sorry that I missed my friend (and new dad) Tim Lehrian who I waved at down the hall, but never actually got to talk to. I'm also sorry to have missed guys like Ryan Fox, Keaton Whitehead (and his wonderful family), the Hoeksemas and so many others that have been such a huge part of our lives over the last eight years.

We drove to West Branch, IA after services (Amy and Xander in the car and me in the truck & trailer) and stayed with friend and fellow Sheldon HS alum Margaret (Oosterhuis) Duhn. Amy and the kids had stayed with Margaret and Brian last month, but I hadn't seen them in about three years. It was a great chance to catch up some and, again, we were blessed by the hospitality.

We arrived back in Sioux Falls on Monday night where my folks, Amy's Dad, Mom and Step-Dad and a handful of folks from the church here helped us get things off of the trucks and into our new digs. We pretty much decided that if we didn't have a definite place for an item, that it was going to the basement. Well, the basement looks like our truck threw up all over it. We've been getting things put together and organized since Monday night and we're beginning to make some decent headway.

I want to give special thanks to Brent and Kathy for their love and hospitality (wish we'd have had more time to just hang out), Kent & Melissa for watching Xander, LJ, Bryon, Dave, Luke, James, Mr. Brown, Kent, Jack and the piano movers for their help in Marion, Margo, Brian and their beautiful kids for letting us disrupt their lives for a night, our family and church family from New Hope Family Church for their help on the final stretch. We definitely felt loved, supported and encouraged through the entire weekend. Can't wait to head back to Marion for a visit without physical labor!

The Best Laid Plans...

We're getting ready to head to Indiana to pick up our furniture. Not that we've minded living out of boxes and not knowing where anything is, but our place has felt less settled than a college apartment since we got here.

Today was a day of preparation to leave as I was going to drive to Sheldon, IA to meet my folks and drop off Maia. Last night at the park, our plans changed a bit when Amy and the kids were at the park. Amy was going down a bumpy slide with Maia in her lap when Maia's right foot caught behind her and she hurt her ankle. Amy called me at work and said she wasn't sure if it was broken or sprained. After conferring with her mom, Amy decided to let Maia sleep it off and reevaluate our options in the morning.

This morning we decided we'd best be cautious and have her checked out rather than just pass her off to Grandma and Grandpa not knowing what her status was. We took her to the doctor where they did x-rays and confirmed that it is only a sprain. She'll be tender on it for several days and needs to have it iced a bit, which is a near impossibility with a 16 month old. We worked it out with my folks to meet in Rock Rapids, IA this afternoon to send her with them while still giving me time to get back for work at 3:30.

Tomorrow we pack, return a few used furniture items, exchange cars in Yankton and after I get off work at midnight we will begin the overnight drive to Marion, hopefully arriving in time to pick up our rental truck before the office closes.

At least I'll get a few days off from work.

Our Weekend

We got back today from a weekend at my Mom and Dad's "helping out" with an art show. This was the second year for the "Artisans Road Trip" which featured over 50 Iowa artists from 11 different counties. This tour is interesting in the fact that instead of having all of the artists gather in one place, they are allowed to set up shop wherever they happen to be and the crowd comes to them. In Dad's case, this meant that people came to the farm and saw his pieces exhibited in the "Corn Crib Gallery." Mom and Dad painted and decorated it in anticipation of last year's show and it winds up being a very unique gallery space. Outside is a full view of the Waterman Creek valley and people drive past Dad's prairie restoration project to get to the house.

Things were down in numbers from last year, but it was an enjoyable weekend nonetheless. My contribution was to talk to people during the course of the two days, which I loved. We had conversations ranging from the weather to worship theology, so I was pretty much in my element. I also got to see several family members including my grandparents, my Mom's cousin Nancy and my Uncle Marv and Aunt Shirley. I also got to hang out with my sister for a good part of the weekend, so it was great for me.

I also enjoyed watching my father, the artist, get to be the center of attention. I enjoyed seeing people respond to his work as his photos, drawings, paintings and silk screens grabbed their attention and imagination. Dad does a great job at capturing an experience through his impression of it, something lost by a great number of more profitable wildlife artists (like Terry Redlin and every Redlin wanna-be). Dad's pieces allow you to breathe, interpret and explore everything presented in a way that respects the observer's intelligence and ability to grasp the subject. I love the fact that Dad has his own style that continues to evolve as his perception and technique have changed over the years.

For more on Dad's work, visit http://www.morrisons-studio.com/.

Forced Commute

I'm on my lunch break at work which is at a different time than all of my teammates, so I've got a little time to kill before I get back to it.

Amy and the kids left for Yankton this afternoon. I was going to take advantage of their departure and go for a decent ride of about 20-25 miles before work. Before they left, I wanted to pump the tires up on the Neon with the compressor in our van. By the time I finished with the tires, I figured I'd best check the van to see if it would start since we've been having trouble with it. It didn't. We tried to jump it before they left, but it didn't seem to want to take a charge.

I decided that rather than hold Amy up (she was already running a little behind) I would forgo my long ride and ride to work instead. I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to try again tomorrow morning before Amy and the kids get back. My new job has definitely put a kink in my ride routine. Even so, I have logged more miles this year than in any other calendar year in my life. Taking three months off work will do that to a guy.

Sunshine & Lollipops?

The discontented wife chimes in. I'm not supposed to do this. This is Matt's blog, not mine. But I've found it interesting that this is the only way I know what's going on in my own husband's head much of the time. For the most part, you get the news the same way I do.

The birthday party last night was fun. The drive- not so great. I had ONE thing to do yesterday, and I messed it up (typical). I forgot the present. I was over halfway to Mitchell when I realized it, and was about 45 minutes ahead of schedule, so I turned around and went back. Why did I go back? I don't know. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. The kids really enjoyed the extra hour or so in the car. By the time we got to the party, we were 45 minutes late, and I was a little jittery from driving -let's just say a little faster than normal to get there. I left Sioux Falls at 5 minutes until 6 and walked into the party at the Pizza Ranch in Mitchell at 6:45. Let's just say, I may have beat a land-speed record.

But hey! At least all 4 wheels stayed on the car this time!

So we got a letter from our new & improved realtor yesterday. She's recommending that we drop the price of our house, based on a comparative market analysis, to less than we bought it for. WHAT?! This would absolutely negate the already slim possibility of buying a house in Sioux Falls, possibly ever. I guess there's a bright side. Maybe we could sell the lawnmower.

I am doing Beth Moore's study, "Beloved Disciple" and this week, we studied the passage in John about Jesus being the vine and we are the branches. She asked the question, "Do you ever feel like God is picking on you?" The thought behind that being, that He may be pruning me. Great. I love pruning.

I don't think I have the right attitude about all this this morning. (Is it obvious?)


Amy

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my Dad's birthday and last day of work at a job that has held him hostage for over two years. It's a day that we've all been praying for for a long, long time. He's been counting down the weeks to this day since he started the job and I'm thrilled for him that he gets one last hurrah Wednesday night before he takes early retirement. The road he's been on for the last two years has paved the way for me to deal with what I'm going through with employment with much more patience and understanding. He and Mom have been able to understand our situation much more clearly since it has been their story for the last two years.

There is nobody that I identify with more strongly than my Dad. We are so similar in so many ways, from sense of humor to temperament. The comparison brings up the whole nature vs. nurture thing, but I know that I am who I am because of my Dad. Much of his temperament found a natural home in me and much of my outlook on life and living is in direct response to the example that he has set throughout his life. I probably understand his struggles more deeply than he realizes, just as he probably understands mine more deeply than I realize. Because of that realization, I don't idealize him, but I respect him much more because I know him as he truly is. He is a man I am proud of and a man whose influence I am deeply grateful for.

Happy birthday, Dad with my undying love and thanks,

Matt

10/11 update (on 10/12)

I will not concede that a day has ended until I've gone to bed...

Things around here continue. That is to say, we continue to exist and take what life is giving us with the best of humor and utmost patience (at least as much as we can muster). Since I wrote last we've: missed a wedding due to a sick child, played for church (my first time, Amy's second), worked, played and dreamed of better days. I find myself looking for the first hints of the vision becoming reality and wonder whether I'll have the patience to even see the thing begin.

I told Amy today (yesterday) about an idea to get us a little more established in the church arts community in the area by hosting a vocal workshop. The idea is that if we can do a workshop on a topic or two with fairly wide appeal, we can begin to develop some relationships with people in the area from other churches, in the hope that word of mouth will spread and allow us to begin to explore more specialized topics on a more regular basis with more people involved. I'll probably mention this at lunch tomorrow (today, okay, I've got to stop that) with Hal, our worship leader at New Hope Family Church, to get his take on it. Amy and I are having to look at this as a personal investment with mailings, flyers and other expenses coming out of our already empty pockets. I'll be looking into some grant opportunities in the months to come, but hope we can get the ball rolling on something soon.

It was good to play again on Sunday. We thought we were going to be out of town at Amy's cousin's wedding, but Xander woke up Saturday morning at 3:00 by throwing up. Instead of heading to Minnesota, Amy and the kids came back here from Yankton and we stayed put. Since we were around, we gave Hal a call to see if we could sit in. I was a bit nervous since I haven't played electric in almost three months and we were doing songs I hadn't heard and others that I knew, but in different keys and/or with different chord progressions. I hacked my way through the sound check/rehearsal and felt embarrassed. I told myself that I wasn't playing to impress anybody, just to worship, which seemed to help quite a bit as the service itself went much better. Any time you play with new people it takes a little time to get comfortable and to know how you fit in. It will still take us some time. I just wish I was able to be at the mid-week rehearsals since that would expedite matters a great deal. That would require either a job change on my part or a schedule change on the church's part. Neither is likely, so here we are. We'll make the best of it, but I hope to prove, over time, to be a consistent, reliable contributor to the team. Sunday I just felt like a warm body for most of the morning.

Amy and the kids got to go to a birthday party in Mitchell for our nephew Chase today while I went to work. Everybody was in bed by the time I got home tonight, but I see balloons hovering at ceiling level, so I'm going to assume that they made it there and back and went to the party.

Today (literally) is my Dad's birthday, an occasion that deserves its own post...

U2 on Conan

Okay, I intended to watch it and then head off to read and go to sleep, but I'm too juiced now. First, a disclaimer: I believe U2 to be the most important musical act on the planet. Argue all you want, but here's a band that's making music that packs as much of a punch in the marketplace now as ever, consistently shows growth artistically and matters outside of music. Tonight's show was a fan's dream.

They not only sounded good, but they enjoyed the total experience and were given an opportunity to continue to promote social justice issues on a stage most politicians and activists will never get to. They took the comedic parts of the show with a great sense of humor, not taking themselves too seriously and even had fun with it. Musically, they pack a punch that shows the singer, guitar, bass, drums combination can produce a thick sound that rivals much larger groups.

The part that really stirred me up was Conan's interview with Bono on the Nobel Prize nomination, the One Campaign and other social justice issues. Whether Bono wins the Nobel Prize or not, his impact on our culture's perspective of global responsibility is unmatched in this generation. He helps us to realize better how interconnected we are, how we can't just ignore a problem because it seems far away if we have the means to help bring relief to human suffering.

I'm pleased that he's caught the attention of the church in America as well. I believe the church has begun to awaken to the fact that we've abdicated social justice to a great extent and allowed others to fill a role that is mandated to the church through scripture. My hope is that people like Bono will continue to challenge us to be active in providing relief where we can, knowing that it is in the providing of basic needs that many will allow an audience for the Gospel of Christ.

Stuff and things like that

I'm home from work, Amy and the kids are in Yankton, I may as well write.

Today was a great day. I woke at 10:05am to the realization that we were supposed to meet some friends from college between 10:30 and 11:00. Amy had forgotten totally, so we barely managed to make ourselves presentable and arrived right at 11:00. We hung out for the next few hours with Tom and Julie Green and Tom's sister, Debbie Green-Kuchta at Debbie's house on the west side of Sioux Falls. It was the first time any of us had seen each other since Tom and Julie's wedding in 1995!

We have traded some emails over the years and were able to fill in some of the details that often get missed in emails. Debbie's home was beautiful, Tom and Julie's kids were too and it was great to hear what they've been up to since we saw each other last. It was another opportunity to share stories of how God has worked in each of our lives since college. We are different people, but have more in common because of the brotherhood and sisterhood that we share in Christ than we ever have.

I'm also nearly done with my first week of work in my desk, doing what I'll be doing as long as I work at this place in this department. It's been okay with some good days and a few killer ones to boot. Tonight was great. We've been doing on the job training which means we get to ask a lot of questions. When one of our trainers came to me tonight, I actually got to tell him that I didn't need any help for the first time all week. I took a few more chances on getting things wrong, but figured since they are checking all of our stuff to make sure we get it right, I still have a bit of a safety net.

Since Amy and the kids are gone, I'm hoping to do a little recording tomorrow. Nothing new, just wanting to revisit and rework a few songs that I've written over the last few years with my new preamp recorder on the computer. I bought this thing in August and tested it out but haven't had a chance to actually work with it on anything real yet. I'm excited, but know that opportunities are going to be few and far between since Amy, the kids and our upstairs neighbor all need to be out of the house before I can actually record. That's a lot of conditions placed on a process that demands inspiration. Oh well.

U2 was on Conan O'Brien tonight, so I think I'll watch that, finish my Ludlum book and go to bed.

Who am I?

I've been finding myself thinking about a song I wrote a few years ago that I've had a few chances to perform this summer. The song is "Who am I?" and is eerily prophetic to me now as it speaks much more to my current situation than it ever did at the time it was written. Here's the text:

I can't escape the feeling, there's something here that I am simply missing.
I've worked awhile to reconcile what I know is real and what I see around me.
The promise of peace and the presence of pain,
leading me to wonder just how I fit in again.

And who am I that I would even matter?
And who are You making of this human clay?
My mind is full of questions,
My favorite word is "Why?"
Knowing You won't show me everything.
Help me ask the questions just the same.

Though I say I want the answers, I wonder if what I really want is time.
Time to dodge the issues I'm sure that You are leading me to find.
In my comfort there's discomfort, in my peacefulness, no rest
My solitude is shattered as I wrestle with myself again.

And who am I that I would even matter?
And who are You making of this human clay?
The questions I have scare me, but the answers scare me more,
knowing they could cost me everything.
Help me ask the questions just the same.

For the sake of the Father, Who tells me He loves me,
For the sake of the Son, Who proved it with His very blood,
For the Spirit inside of me, Who sheds light on this mystery
of who I am, and who I am longing to become.

Uncertainty assails me as I seek a place in the world that is around me.
I'm fighting the tension between this life and truly living.

And who am I that I would even matter?
And who are You making of this human clay?
Who am I?

(text copyright 2003 Paco Daddy Music)

What the song means to me now:
"The promise of peace and the presence of pain" - when I look back on things at Hanfield, I probably tend to idealize things a bit. Yeah, we had our problems, but most often, it was a joy. When God called us to this new thing, I wasn't aware of what the struggle was going to be. I can still sense the certainty of the call, but I feel like we're investing in everything but the call right now, just so we can get started. I was so focused on the birth of this new ministry, that I didn't think of the pain of it or the gestation period that would precede it.

"Leading me to wonder just how I fit in again" - if you've read much of what I've written over the last few months, you know I'm dealing with the loss of identity. With that goes the uncertainty of what my role is, where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do.

"My mind is full of questions..." - I have lived this more this year than any other year in my life. My lament has been more pure, which is a good thing. I'm just wishing that I was as sure of things as I used to be. I am kind of living by the thought that a question unasked is a question unanswered. I haven't liked a lot of the answers that God has given lately, but I recognize that I have an incomplete understanding of what's going on. I also know that not asking the hard questions won't clear up the confusion any more than asking and receiving more questions in return.

"Though I say I want the answers..." - there was a point this summer where I really began to wonder if I was just stalling in getting to Sioux Falls. I think the argument could be made either way, but I do believe that God has often let me stumble into the situation that He wanted me in or has used my bad decisions to accomplish what He desired in the first place. I'm not sure where my current situation is going to lead me, but I believe that God is sovereign and will accomplish what He will through my circumstances.

"In my comfort there's discomfort..." - I have always been good at relaxing and finding time to recharge. I'm finding that those times of peace and solitude are less frequent and when I try to carve them out like I used to, I am consumed by the pressures of life in a way that will not allow me the rest I need.

"The questions I have scare me..." - probably the most prophetic part of the song for me. When I finally came to the end of it last Christmas and laid all my cards on the table, the answer that I got from God cost us tremendously. It cost us our jobs, our home, our friends and everything that we had built around ourselves to help us feel secure. We moved here with only a sense of calling and family nearby. We've also had the prayers of friends and a sendoff that still brings me to tears anytime I think about it. There is that part of my weak, human self that just wishes we had something more tangible than we have now.

"For the sake of the Father..." - the linchpin on which this whole thing hinges. Even in my current state, I find myself drawn to the call for the sake of the Father, the sacrifice of Jesus and the leading of the Holy Spirit, knowing that these are the things I have staked my life on. I can only hope that if I am a miserable failure by every other account, that I will have done something of merit in their eyes.

"Uncertainty assails me..." - that's fairly to the point, isn't it.

I feel like I'm growing into this song more by the day. I keep hoping that we've hit bottom, but I know there might be farther to go before God is finished bringing me to the point that He wants me at. I prayed this weekend that He'd just keep tearing things down brick by brick until all that is left is a foundation that He can build something on. I'm just hoping there's something left when He's done.

Can't sleep, may as well write

Tonight's my last night of the weekend to get some "real sleep" (i.e. sleep on my preferred schedule), but I can't quite settle in. I've had a good weekend of reflection, service and worship and feel like I need to strike while the iron's hot.

I did finally get the chance to do something at the church this weekend. I helped out with setting some equipment back up after an event on Saturday and hung out to learn the ropes of the sound board this morning. It wasn't the usual level of involvement that I'm accustomed to, but it was a start. Amy got to play piano this morning. She's been fighting a cold and had no voice this morning, so I think it was better for her to be playing since that was the only way she could be actively participating this morning.

We got some loaner furniture from Hal and Martha (the worship leader/youth pastor and children's ministry director, respectively). They loaned us a few chairs, a small kitchen table (the perfect size for our place) and a real bed. The air mattress hasn't been horrible, but there's something to be said for sleeping on a real bed. After Hal and I hauled the furniture here yesterday, he and Martha had us over for dinner. It was nice to be able to get to know them still better as they are still fairly new to the church as well.

Worship this morning was good as I actually felt like a contributor even though I only made a few suggestions to the sound guy during the sound check. I didn't do it in an unsolicited manner, so it's not like I was being pushy, I just suggested a few minor things that gave the sound guy a little better chance of getting things to sound the way he wanted them. I think he was also somewhat relieved that he might not have to run it every Sunday as well.

It was a start to service that I hope will grow me as a servant. It's humbling to be in familiar situations and not be the one who is in charge. Just another step in the process that I feel God taking me through.

Done with training

We had our last night of training tonight and will be starting work on Monday in the cubicle farm that will be our home from this day forth. It was a nice, relaxed evening and we were even let go a half hour early. We got to see where our individual desks are and it looks as though I'll have a little room to bring some personal items. I'll spend a little time this weekend deciding what to bring, but it won't be nearly as much stuff as I had in my office at Hanfield.

The rest of the day was a bit interesting. Amy had been in Yankton last night with the kids and had a tire blow on the van on the way back to Sioux Falls this morning. Yet another expense with a van that we expect to give it up pretty much any time now. Everybody was fine and AAA got Amy back on the road with the donut on the van.

When Amy got back, we went to buy a $30 dryer that we had seen advertised in the local shopper. We picked it up, got it home and are now waiting to see if it was worth the $30 or not. The thought of being able to dry clothes in a dryer instead of hanging everything on lines in the basement is a beautiful thing. Hope it works out.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I don't have much planned but will get to learn about and possibly run the sound system at church on Sunday. I nearly got to play guitar, but the regular guy was actually available this week. He's apparently about to move, so I may get a chance to play some in the months ahead, even though I'm not available for rehearsals because of my work schedule. I'm looking forward to getting back in the game some.

It's late, I'm catching a cold and I'll have to be up with the kids when they get up in the morning, so I'm off to take some medicine and hopefully get a good night's sleep.