If I could have stayed home today I think I would have written several songs. Instead, I started writing one and worked a full day. Again I'm wishing that time and inspiration would stop their flirtatious relationship and get together so that I could actually get something written.
The little bit of time that I did have this morning forced me to focus on getting the framework for one idea in place while others fought for my attention. I feel like I'm definitely entering a season where I can throw a lot of ideas out there in the hope that some of them will develop into something worth crafting. The only issue then becomes finding an outlet to share what comes out.
The song that I'm working on now is thematically linked to yesterday's post which makes two songs in a row that are not specifically worship oriented, which means I can't just play them for Bobbi in the hopes that they might serve for our corporate worship at Mercy. I'm hoping to do some rough draft recording so that I can at least post something online for those that are interested, but that will again require time that is already a little scarce.
Until that happens, I'm hoping to harness some of this creativity and collect as many ideas as I can so that I'll have things to flesh out for some time to come.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Waiting in the in between
A good deal of the last few months have been spent by trying to come to terms with my decision to step out of leadership in ministry and finding myself feeling somewhat lost and directionless in the process. Ministry in the church has been my highest priority in where I expend my time and energy for the last 13 years as I've served in either full time or part time ministry.
Thankfully, I've had a job change at work to give me something else to concentrate on or the mini spiritual depression that I've been suffering could have turned into something quite a bit more destructive. I am still finding it hard to let go of feelings of rejection and abandonment (from both men and God), but I am slowly waking to the hope that God is preparing me for the next thing.
In my flesh I want this pruning and refining to progress quickly so that I can move onto better days, but I know that there is value in waiting in the in between. Waiting between what was and what is not yet is one of the hardest things for me to do. I find myself dwelling on past successes and past disappointments one moment and then future dreams the next. Both are valuable as the past helps me remember the lessons I've learned and how I've seen God move while the future gives me hope and vision for what's to come.
The danger for me has always been that I want to move from vision to reality immediately instead of taking the time to allow God to cultivate in me the conditions that will produce fruitful living in its due season. In moving too quickly we leave ourselves open to settle for "the good" instead of God's best plans for the future.
So, I find myself waiting again and praying for peace and patience while I wait to see what God has in store.
Thankfully, I've had a job change at work to give me something else to concentrate on or the mini spiritual depression that I've been suffering could have turned into something quite a bit more destructive. I am still finding it hard to let go of feelings of rejection and abandonment (from both men and God), but I am slowly waking to the hope that God is preparing me for the next thing.
In my flesh I want this pruning and refining to progress quickly so that I can move onto better days, but I know that there is value in waiting in the in between. Waiting between what was and what is not yet is one of the hardest things for me to do. I find myself dwelling on past successes and past disappointments one moment and then future dreams the next. Both are valuable as the past helps me remember the lessons I've learned and how I've seen God move while the future gives me hope and vision for what's to come.
The danger for me has always been that I want to move from vision to reality immediately instead of taking the time to allow God to cultivate in me the conditions that will produce fruitful living in its due season. In moving too quickly we leave ourselves open to settle for "the good" instead of God's best plans for the future.
So, I find myself waiting again and praying for peace and patience while I wait to see what God has in store.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
More changes
2010 will probably go down as "The Year of Transitions" at our house. Not only have Amy and I both stepped out of staff positions at Mercy (more to follow), but I'm now a month into my transition from sales (where I oversaw bikes and men's cold weather clothing) back to the bike shop where I am now managing. I always liked the shop when I was back there before, but the money was better in sales. Managing the shop sees only a slight drop off in income, but the hours are significantly better for us. It's primarily a Monday through Friday gig with a few Saturdays thrown in when necessary which beats the every other weekend routine that I've been following the last four years.
The shop definitely has its challenges and I am slowly remembering things that I haven't had a chance to put into practice for three years and acquiring new skills as I try to grow as a mechanic. It is strange being the shop manager and knowing that we have several guys that are better mechanics than me, but I'm hoping to close that gap quickly. Besides, as Bryan (my supervisor) has pointed out, I was not hired for the position because of my mechanical prowess.
So, not only am I building and fixing bikes again, but I've taken on several other responsibilities that I didn't have to think about last time I was in the shop such as ordering, scheduling and implementing procedures to help us be more efficient and professional. I also get to have the "fun" conversations with guys who either make mistakes or just need a kick in the butt to get going in the right direction. Ah, the joys of management.
On the church end of things, we are certainly feeling a bit untethered. We had several people ask us when we stepped down whether we would stay at Mercy. It would be easy to leave, but Mercy is still our church family. Sometimes family is hard and we have conflicts, but beneath those conflicts is a deeper love that binds us together and makes it worth working through. We love the people and believe in the vision of the church. Yes, we've had to struggle through some rough patches emotionally as we've wrestled with roles and relationships changing. There are days I'm very at ease being there and other days where I really have to work to hold it together because I'm still mourning.
Our friends have been very supportive and I have played bass a few times and Amy's been asked to sing some in June, so we're getting a few opportunities to experience life as volunteers again. I still love making music with these guys no matter what my role is and consider myself very blessed to get to serve alongside them in a different capacity. I think that's been somewhat of a life line for me the last month or so as I've been processing through things. I don't expect things to ever be the same, but I'm hoping to be reshaped in the process and come out the other side of all of this with a better understanding of God and a more loving, patient heart.
The shop definitely has its challenges and I am slowly remembering things that I haven't had a chance to put into practice for three years and acquiring new skills as I try to grow as a mechanic. It is strange being the shop manager and knowing that we have several guys that are better mechanics than me, but I'm hoping to close that gap quickly. Besides, as Bryan (my supervisor) has pointed out, I was not hired for the position because of my mechanical prowess.
So, not only am I building and fixing bikes again, but I've taken on several other responsibilities that I didn't have to think about last time I was in the shop such as ordering, scheduling and implementing procedures to help us be more efficient and professional. I also get to have the "fun" conversations with guys who either make mistakes or just need a kick in the butt to get going in the right direction. Ah, the joys of management.
On the church end of things, we are certainly feeling a bit untethered. We had several people ask us when we stepped down whether we would stay at Mercy. It would be easy to leave, but Mercy is still our church family. Sometimes family is hard and we have conflicts, but beneath those conflicts is a deeper love that binds us together and makes it worth working through. We love the people and believe in the vision of the church. Yes, we've had to struggle through some rough patches emotionally as we've wrestled with roles and relationships changing. There are days I'm very at ease being there and other days where I really have to work to hold it together because I'm still mourning.
Our friends have been very supportive and I have played bass a few times and Amy's been asked to sing some in June, so we're getting a few opportunities to experience life as volunteers again. I still love making music with these guys no matter what my role is and consider myself very blessed to get to serve alongside them in a different capacity. I think that's been somewhat of a life line for me the last month or so as I've been processing through things. I don't expect things to ever be the same, but I'm hoping to be reshaped in the process and come out the other side of all of this with a better understanding of God and a more loving, patient heart.
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