Old journal entry

Here's something I came across in a journal of mine from eight years ago:

"You don't light a candle and then put it under a bowl. Is the church that bowl? What are our people doing to carry the light that is in them to the world? If their light isn't even shining in the church, how can we expect it to be shining elsewhere?"

Ouch. This is something I think we as a church need to ask ourselves more often than we do. Are we really loving each other? Are we coming to each others' rescue when everything is falling apart? If someone in the body is hurting, do they believe that anyone hurts with them or do they feel only isolation? Church should be a place where it is safe for us to practice the art of love and where we do so frequently so that we are better suited to practice the same love in places where it is more difficult. By doing so, we become the light of the world.

Reflections on Gungor's "Ghosts Upon the Earth"

This is a reflection exercise that I did in listening to Gungor's "Ghosts Upon the Earth" on vinyl. It's not meant to be a complete, critical analysis of the work, just impressions and thoughts on it as I listened and took time to see what it brought to mind for me as observer. A few songs from the full album were not included on the LP, so they are not represented here, though I may revisit those at a later date.

Let There Be Light
The story of creation-
Chaos, formless, dissonant at the beginning speaks of the formlessness and mystery of the void.
The first occurrence of “Let there be” brings the first sense of form and harmony. Order begins to be established as God speaks His word.

As things begin to form, the fall of angels is spoken of in disharmony again, but things begin to take a more rhythmic, purposeful shape and as creation begins to take more form it grows in volume and definition.

The Word of God is left at the end of the crescendo as one of understated authority as “Let there be light” is finally uttered. God’s word does not have to be loud in order to establish His will. Even as chaos and disorder are apparent and conflict in the creation builds, God is working toward His purposes.

After the Word is spoken, tremors grow and eruption brings to full display the power, beauty and grandness of God’s power displayed through the act of creation.

Retelling the creation story in this way is possibly the most ambitious album opening that I have ever encountered. So, so powerful. When I still myself to listen, I am moved to tears every time I hear it.

Brother Moon
I almost see this as expressing the feelings of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It begins very light, playful and natural (organic) through the use of acoustic instruments, especially flutes and strings which have a pastorale association in a lot of music.

Speaks of how the creation partners with us to reveal God’s beauty and character and how we are moved to worship. The moon, sun and all of creation speak to who God is and how He is at work in the world. The response is one of satisfaction and joy in the expression of God as everything good and beautiful.

That expression continues to grow in it’s joy and complexity as more of God is revealed to us through the act of worship. Sometimes, understanding God more is less of a head thing and is better suited to experiencing Him in what He’s given.

The ending begins to become a little disjointed as though it points to the disunity that is to come between God and man, as well as between individual people.

Crags and Clay
The first noticeably electronic sounds. Possibly the awakening of the realization of human potential in God’s story.

Rhythmically very complex undercurrents to a simple melodic expression. Perhaps an awakening to creation being more complex than previously understood bringing about a more reflective awareness of our place in God’s created order. The reflective counterpart to joyful, exuberance of Brother Moon.

The last expression of worship is left to the female voice as though to symbolize Eve’s voice as the last that is heard before the Fall.

The Fall
Mournful, cinematic setting as if from an old, French film signifying the loss that has come at the expense of our fellowship with God. The first verse expresses an understanding of how irrevocably broken we are through the Fall.

The first call of “How long?” signifies our inability to make things right and our need of God to rebuild that which is broken.

“Turn your face to me” is God’s response. The first calm, re-establishment of connection as we are invited back into His presence. The relationship may not be the same as it was, but we have not been rejected as would have been His right.

The oboe interlude seems a moment where the invitation to turn is received, but the recognition that things can’t return to how they were sinks in and leaves us still wanting.

The second verse speaks of how the light was gone and night established in our hearts- the light was gone, the life within us with it.

Again, God offers us return by turning our face and the invitation seems more to be received this time. Hope begins to echo as we release our struggle with life to the Giver of life.

When Death Dies
Opens in a minor key, with a similar instrumentation to The Fall. It’s almost as if this is the counterpart to The Fall where God begins the active phase of the redemption story and answers the “How longs?” of life.

The vocal effects in the first verse have an almost ghostly feel to them as though being sung by those dead in their sin. After the first chorus and the declaration of “When death dies, all things live.” the effect is no longer used and we are brought back to the life and hope of life in reconciliation with God.

There is a different intensity to this part of the redemption story. There is still the struggle of the minor key, but a sense of partnering with God in expressing the hope of this resurrection life. The instrumental with the violin and cello trading parts back and forth plays as an illustration of the relationship between God and his children of this partnership.

“Flowers grow, lions sleep, gravestones roll...” such great use of natural and Biblical imagery to convey the fullness of what God will do for us through the Cross and the Resurrection. This is the prophetic part of the Gospel story.

Church Bells
“Let church bells ring. Let children sing. Even if they don’t know why, let them sing.” Don’t resent the joy experienced by those who have not experienced the burdens of life like you have. Don’t rob them of their joy just because you’ve lost yours.

This is a prayer for cynicism and jaded hearts to be healed.

“Let old men dance, lift up their hands. Even if they are naive, let them dance. You’ve seen it all, you watched them fall, wash off your face and dance.” Again, don’t resent those who haven’t experienced your level of burden. You’ve been through the battle, but it’s behind you now. It’s time to be healed of those wounds and cleaned of that which still clings to you so that you can find the freedom and joy again that God offers.”

“May your weary hearts be filled with hope, amen.” This is a prayer for those who have experienced the heartbreak of the Fall to walk into the joy of resurrection.

Wake Up Sleeper
Begins with the words of Jesus to rejoice. This is almost the beginning of the New Testament portion of the album as Jesus is actively on the scene.

“Woe to you religious teachers”- seen not only through the words of Jesus, but as a call for the Church now to recognize the spirit in which we are active in the world today. In many cases, we’ve become the Pharisees reborn and this is a call to actively confront that spirit where it may be found. It’s a call to wake up to the reality of your broken religion and wake up from death to life.

The second verse is an invitation to the disenfranchised to be included in the Kingdom life who many in the Church would seek to exclude. The “sinners and freaks” mentioned include even the religious teachers.

“Wake up.” becomes both an invitation and a battle cry for the confrontation of all that which we allow to keep us in bondage to sin and death.

“Open our eyes”- a call for all of us to recognize those things and for the church to come alive.

Vous Etes Mon Coure (You are My Heart)
A simple, plaintive recounting of God’s pursuit of us as a lover and our reply to that love. This is a song of reconciling where new intimacy is born. This is an invitation to receive the love that God has for us despite our imperfections and to step into the fullness of who we were created to be.

This is Not the End
The instruments indicate a building of hope and celebration as the first great declaration of “This is not the end.” is stated.

“This is not the end, this is not the end of this. We will open our eyes wider.” As we embrace the love of God and the promise of eternal life with Him, we embrace the truth that we will see greater things than this. Life with God is an ongoing revelation and we will not reach the end of knowing Him as He is limitless.

“This is not our last, this is not our last breath. We will open our mouths wider.” Physical death will not bring the end of us. We will have new life, new breath through the power of the Resurrection and we will open our mouths wider with the declarations of the goodness and the love of God.

This is a song of hope rooted in the promise of God. It is strong declaration of our value in God’s eyes above all of His created works. A culmination of the restorative work of God in our lives.

Small Group Culture Design

I've been thinking, studying and praying about developing a coaching structure for our small groups at Embrace for several months now and have zeroed in on something that I think may allow us to take some first steps into a new culture for our small groups while still leaving a lot of flexibility for future adjustments.

First, it helps to understand a more traditional small group coaching structure. In a traditional structure, a coach is responsible for connecting with 3-5 groups on a regular basis for encouragement, direction and prayer. The logistics of how it happens (face to face, email...) and how often (weekly, monthly) can be adapted to fit the structure of the ministry or the unique needs of each individual group.

For a lot of churches, this means recruiting coaches which can prove challenging because your primary pool of people with an understanding of small group ministry are... current group leaders. For a lot of small group pastors, the thought of losing some of their most effective leaders from groups to focus on coaching is a hard pill to swallow. I've heard of structures using coaches as group leaders as well, but one of the biggest hurdles in ministry is over stretching volunteers to the point where they are either ineffective in ministry or they simply exhaust themselves until they need to step away. I would make exceptions based on an individual's strengths and availability, but would be more inclined to have coaches who are not current group leaders whenever possible.

I had been playing with the idea of starting with coaches for new groups and other groups that could simply use a more hands on approach and organizing a peer structure for the rest of the groups at Embrace. In this strategy, we would partner three groups together to encourage and pray for one another and set up something to encourage peer to peer learning as well. I've been calling these partnerships "pods." The initial idea was that all of the groups would be assigned to a pod as more coaches were recruited until we had a coach for every pod.

While I felt like that strategy gave us a good direction to move, I'm now feeling as though a long term hybrid of coaches and pods may actually fit us better as a church and build the kind of connectedness that we'd like to see our small groups have. So, what we will begin to implement is a structure where all of the groups are placed in pods and only the groups that are just getting started or that need a higher level of attention will be matched with coaches.

There are a few reasons why I feel this is preferable to a full out coaching structure. First, I think that the potential of peer training and support may actually make for a healthier dynamic down the road. I think we underestimate how much we can learn from each other and how much we have to offer to others that are engaging in similar ministry. My hope is that it will empower our leaders and make them more thoughtful about the types of things they could be doing in their groups instead of simply implementing the ideas that are handed down to them by a coach. Second, it reduces the number of coaches that are needed and allows more of our best and brightest to stay involved in group leadership where they will still be coaching (while receiving coaching from) their fellow podmates. Finally, this structure gives us a place to start that can easily be adapted if we decide that we do need coaches for all of our groups whether filling in the gaps of the pod strategy or transitioning to a more traditional coaching model.

It's been a lot to process through and I am still working out the details, but I am excited at the potential for this to provide our group leaders the kind of support they need and deserve as they give of themselves in ministry to the people of Embrace. I will be sure to give updates as things progress and adapt.

Goodbyes and Hellos

Tonight we go to celebrate and hang out with our small group of the last year as they kick off a new season and we embark on a new season of our own. This has been one of the most unique groups that I have ever experienced. It is the only group I have seen where everybody that was invited to the first meeting came and stayed.

Most of us were new to Embrace last year when we first met. I think the longest anyone had been at the church was six months and we were all needing to make a meaningful connection with someone else. It was beautiful to watch trust begin to grow, conversations become more personal and life begin to happen between the meetings. There were no difficult people, there was growth and It was a textbook group that made Amy and I feel like we had won the lottery.

We also realized fairly early that there were several other potential leaders in the group and that it probably wouldn't be long before the group was ready to reproduce. It almost made more sense for us to hand things over to someone else within the group than to send them out instead of us. It was an opportunity for us as well to set an example of what it means to love people so much that you are willing to leave a close group that you love in order to provide the opportunity for someone else to experience the kind of belonging that you have found.

So tonight they start their new journey and we say goodbye to a group that will keep a piece of our heart. My hope is that leaving never becomes easy. Just like a family, relationships may change, but we will always belong to each other.

Seminary

Yeah, so seminary... Adam had really encouraged me to do a program called Discipleship Sioux Falls last year that winds up being an overview class with each session on a different study area (NT, OT, missions, spiritual formation...). It's almost like the Cliff Notes version of an M Div.

The money was there and it worked with my schedule, so I did that from September-May on the first Monday night of each month. One of their parting gifts to us was to let us either audit a class for free or take one for credit for half price this year. I was planning on auditing Spiritual Formation (a topic of interest that probably best fits what I'm currently doing in ministry and fits the schedule nicely) but in talking with Nate (Director of Enrollment and Financial Aid) I expressed a desire to eventually do more and it wasn't hard to let him talk me into starting something for credit.

For right now, I'll be starting a Certificate in Christian Ministry which will at least get me some core courses that can help me grow in the role I am in now. There's the possibility that I'll be able to roll those credits into a Master's level course of study, so there is a chance that if things continue to progress I could move in that direction. Really the biggest hurdles to doing a Master's now is that we're still paying for the degrees that Amy & I earned in Colorado and our budget is really tight. It's not completely by choice that I'm working three part time jobs right now and taking on more debt does not seem wise at this point in time.

So, we'll ease into things and see how God might lead. I don't necessarily have any vocational interests tied into the decision, so we can afford to take our time. Tomorrow begins a new adventure.

Musicals and Community

Our family is in the midst of one of the busiest weeks of our year as Amy directs the all school musical at our kids' elementary school (All City). Every kid from K-5th Grade (around 125 kids) is involved and many of the parents have put in countless hours to help make it happen. It is a huge undertaking and another example to me of how much can be accomplished in community. If Amy had to do it all on her own it would kill her, the parents would be more negative about the process and the quality of the production would suffer greatly. Instead, it winds up being one of the most unifying events of the entire school year where we all celebrate the final product as a victory for the entire All City community.

I've been thinking of how this is also true of our spiritual walk. When we do it on our own we have a tendency to give up when it gets hard or to simply slip into a complacency where our walk loses priority as it is slowly squeezed out by whatever other activity, task or external demand screams at us the loudest. In the process it slowly chokes the life out of our relationship with God.

We also will find ourselves lacking the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) in such a way that it is highly unlikely that we will be a blessing to others. In the process, we will become less grace-filled and loving in the way we respond to the world around us and our words and actions will be more critical which will leave us much more open to the criticism of others.

I'm so glad to get to serve in an area that helps people realize how desperately we need each other. My hope is that community becomes infectious and that as we experience life together, God is glorified in each of us.

The Wisdom of Stability

As someone who has been serving vocationally in the local church, in one capacity or another, for 14 years, one of the dynamics that I've been burdened for has been the church-hopping mentality that seems so common place in American Christianity. The issue is rooted in a number of factors which, I believe, include cultural conditioning, social and vocational climbing and a society in the throes of rampant consumerism.

I was recently given the opportunity to read and review The Wisdom of Stability: Rooting Faith in a Mobile Culture by Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. Part autobiography, part sociological study, part theology of community, Wisdom is a very accessible call to deeper commitment to place and relationship

As the title would indicate, Wilson-Hartgrove does an excellent job of establishing how a commitment to place can be of great benefit, especially in a society that always seems to be looking for "the next thing." Our society conditions us to a nomadic lifestyle where opportunities for education and employment early in life establish a pattern of mobility that can make it difficult to feel connected to a particular place.

Wisdom's greatest strength is in Wilson-Hartgrove's call to connect and develop roots in order to connect with the community around you in order to allow depth of relationship to temper us to be more Christlike. Much time is spent reflecting on personal examples and on things that can be learned from monastic tradition to develop an attitude that makes contemplative engagement with God a more present reality. The rooted and timeless topics are such that Wisdom will stand up in content, if not style for years to come

Unfortunately, this timelessness is also probably one of the book's greatest weaknesses as much of the content could have been written fifteen years ago. The world looks remarkably different now and our mobility is no longer just confined to our location, but also in how we interact with each other in light of social media, self help checkouts and pay at the pump gas stations. By the title, one would have expected larger sections devoted to those dynamics and I think the book would have benefitted greatly from having a bit of a forward focus rather than being content with a nostalgic one. The area of social media is an especially glaring omission for a work so concerned with the dynamic of relationship.

The other area where Wisdom falls short is in repetition. A number of ideas continued to be recycled and revisited throughout the text where a broader scope of issues could have been addressed instead. This repetition allowed for more of a storyteller's approach to the topic, but did little more, at times, than pad the book's content. One is left to wonder what could have been accomplished if the themes addressed had only been given half the space in order to dig a little deeper into a broader study of the subject.

Overall, I would recommend Wisdom to people that are wondering why they are feeling disconnected and restless in their current environment as a way of recognizing the potential for long term growth and meaning that can be found by making a conscious decision to engage in the place they are in. However, this book will probably disappoint you If you are looking for a study on the effects of mobility and a hyperactive society on relationship and community.

1 on 1 accountability and sin

We're getting ready over the next few weeks to make a push at Embrace to give people a chance to engage in 1 on 1 accountability as a way of going deeper in their relationship with God. I've been involved in accountability for about ten years now and have found it to be one of the most important components of my walk.

The reason I believe this to be true is that I am an expert in performing and hiding where sin is concerned. I am quite good at performing one way when in the spotlight of life's stage, but am quite capable of sinful behavior when the curtain is drawn (not to mention what lies hidden in the dark corners of my mind). I suspect that most people, if they are being honest with themselves, know exactly what I'm talking about. The Apostle Paul certainly did as evidenced in the struggle he speaks of in Romans 7. The person I am in public is usually the person that I desire to be, but the sinful nature working within me keeps me from always being that person.

The hiding happens when I try to deny to the world around me that I am struggling and I conceal the carnage that sin unleashes in my spirit. And the problem is, when I get too good at hiding my sin from the world around me, it begins to be hidden from me as well. When that happens, I can no longer continue to keep up the outward performance effectively. Either that or I have to become two people, one public and one private, who become more and more distanced from each other.

Every once in awhile, the kids will play hide and seek. I'm a really good hider and I'm patient enough to outlast the most determined seeker if my hiding place is good enough. When the kids were younger, it was my goal to hide somewhere that made it easier to find me. I knew that hiding too well would frustrate them and make them not enjoy playing with dad. Like most people, I am an expert on hiding the things that I am ashamed of in my life. In a sense, accountability is my attempt at making myself easier to find.

I know that, for many, the biggest reason not to seek out accountability is the fear that, once they are found, they will be rejected. That is always the risk that we run when we enter into deeper relationship. The thing that surprised me the first time I entered into an accountability relationship was that instead of being rejected for my struggles, I learned that my struggles were not unique to me. Sure my sin may manifest itself in a different way than the other guy, but my stuff resembles his stuff and vice versa. 1 Corinthians 10:13 came alive to me in a way it hadn't before:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

Being freed from the lie that I was in this alone gave me a new courage to be honest about my struggles and I finally began to find freedom from habitual sin that I had struggled with for years. My hope for these next few weeks is that we will have a great response and that the Lord will lead us through the process of helping people experience freedom and a newfound strength to face their struggles knowing they no longer have to carry the burden alone.