Praying and processing

There are some posts that I just don't know how to begin. Amy and I had a particularly hard meeting with Shel this morning at church. As hard for him as for us, I'm sure, especially since he's beginning a six week renewal sabbatical this week. I'm sure he'll probably wrestle with what we talked about almost as much as we will. He has been our biggest critic and greatest support over the last two years and I love him for both.

Some of what was addressed today was how I have not been quick to grow into the charismatic style of worship leading that Mercy needs in order to be true to the identity that Mercy had as a church plant. There are times where we see glimpses, but the consistency isn't there yet and I wonder if I'm able to grow into it or not.

Issues of calling and anointing come into play. I've wrestled with my understanding of calling for the last four years and this just continues to prove that I don't have it figured out yet. How much of what is going on is due to my lack of ability and understanding of charismatic expressions of worship and how much is a simple lack of anointing from God for the task? How is it that we've experienced success in the past, but seem to struggle so much now? The last time I felt like a truly anointed leader for an entire Sunday service was possibly the Sunday that we interviewed with Mercy. There have been some good mornings since then, but that one stands out as a full on, completely abandoned act of worship that I don't think we've experienced to that level since.

One of the prescribed courses of action for the season ahead is to have Amy lead from the congregation in the 2nd service instead of from the front. That's a particularly hard thing for us to do for any number of reasons, but something that we will do in the hope that God will teach us through it. One reason that it's hard is that we've always done this together. Amy is not only the love of my life, but a musician that I trust to provide a framework for transitions and color for the sound of the band. Not having that will be a challenge and I can only begin to grasp how the change in roles makes her feel. I know she feels rejected. It's hard to have music be such a large part of your identity and have it taken from you and have it not be personal. At the same time, the first service, which she leads in a traditional style, is growing and she gets a lot of positive feedback about the job she's doing there, but it doesn't make things any easier for her.

While I have experienced a lot of "applied growth" in areas of evangelism that I never had in full time ministry, I am struggling to grow in areas of worship and general theological understanding when I don't have ministry as a full time vocation. I would say that this lack of development is a large contributor to the current situation and I'm at a bit of a loss as to where to begin to address the issue. Conferences, continuing ed, reading, praying...?

Ultimately, we'll seek to continue to be faithful in the roles we are called to at this time and diligently seek after the heart of God to see if I can finally grow into the kind of leader that Mercy needs or if I need to love the church enough to step aside and allow God to work through someone else. We will definitely not make any hasty decisions, but something's gotta give.

Ready for some down time, and some tropical temps

I must admit, I had it easy last month. My schedule at the store made it so that I rarely worked more than three days in a row and really didn't have a lot of extra stuff to worry about. This month, my men's cold weather shop has taken off, I had to do pre-orders for the bikes we'll get in January-May (which historically has been a November thing rather than a week before Christmas thing) and I've had to work a normal schedule. Tomorrow will be my first day off since last Wednesday when I spent three hours at the store working on the bike program.

Fortunately, things fall somwhat in my favor over the next few days with Wednesday/Thursday off (heading to Yankton), work on Friday before heading to Mom and Dad's, and home again Saturday night with Sunday service at Mercy and the rest of the day off. After that, it's back to the normal schedule with the advantage that I will go back to having to work only one Sunday a month. They don't let me do that during the holidays which is not an issue for me.

I've talked to a few people going on trips to warm places over the next few weeks and will have to patiently wait for our trip to Jamaica in March. I won the trip through the store by making my "trip goal" in sales. My bike shop also qualified me for a trip, but I get a bonus in lieu of a second trip which means we'll have enough cash to pick up some t-shirts for the kids and maybe go on a few excursions while we're there.

Jamaica seems like a dream with as cold as it's been. Between fresh snow and blowing snow, I have been outside with the shovel every morning for the last week clearing something and the temps have been anywhere from 14 degrees to -15 with a -49 wind chill factor. It's not been pleasant, but what do you expect in South Dakota. Every day the weather gives me an excuse to day dream about all inclusive, tropical bliss with my baby poolside. Less than three months to go.

Mitchell Christmas

Seems we cannot have a normal Christmas outing. We were just a few miles from Mitchell when Maia started throwing up. Amy pulled over on the interstate and we did the best we could to help her throw up in the trash can and not all over herself, her seat and her clothes. We did the best we could to get her cleaned up, but needed to stop at Kmart to pick her up some new pajamas that she could wear.

We arrived at Casey and Heidi's 15 minutes late, but luckily we didn't have to suffer through any more sickness. We had snacks, gifts and conversation in a too brief evening. It was good to see everybody, but we weren't able to leave until I was done with work and had to get back in time to put the kids down, so we were definitely a bit tight with the schedule. Maia got her first Hannah Montana Barbie from Rylie, Xander got a Bionicle from Chase and we each received the gift of green from Dave and Marie. Thanks to all!

We arrived home safely and Maia seems to be on the mend, so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for her.

Hoping to be a bit more communicative

I had coffee with Aaron this morning and he mentioned that he hadn't checked out my blog in awhile. I told him that I hadn't posted anything in awhile and that I thought it might be awhile before I actually have much time to do it. I finally decided to look into mobile posting options and should be able to text stuff to my account which might prove to be a better time killer than the video games that I've got on the phone now. I could have written a couple of posts while waiting for the car to be serviced this morning or while waiting to pick up Maia from pre-school.

Now that I have this option, we'll see how much I actually use it.