Back with the Buffalo

We're back in South Dakota after a two week trip back to Indiana to pack some at the house, see friends and lead worship for Impact Summit Camp for what we presume will be the final time. I'll write more over the next few days, but we definitely come back with a fresh sense of where we're headed and a hope that we will find rest in the time between now and starting a new job.

Highlights to look forward to include me breaking the van window trying to play Spiderman, insanity with a trailer from Uhaul, broken glasses, music (and lots of it), new job leads and general camp stuff. I'm also hoping to finish Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis book that I picked up while in Marion and will have quite a bit to say about it.

Pre-Camp Check-in

It's been a busy week of packing, visiting, eating, cleaning, visiting some more and getting ready to go to camp. We leave tomorrow and I'm not sure whether I'll get a chance to write again before August 1st.

We've seen a lot of people over the course of the week including Andrew Kessler who was born on July 4th while we were gone. You can tell you've been visiting a lot of people when you have to think long and hard about what you did for dinner the night before.

This week promises to be a blur as well with all of the activities of camp, a quick trip back to pick up and pack a trailer and the return trip to South Dakota. At that point I can commence the job search with a little more consistency than I've been able to from 1000 miles away.

We've had a few folks look at our house over the last week, but still no buyers. Hoping for the house and job stuff to take shape soon so we can get on with life in Sioux Falls.

Back in Marion

I'm sitting at the Marion Public Library typing my first ever blog entry from a public space. It's a little weird. I have a feeling my train of thought might be even more jumbled than usual with everything going on around me.

It's a little weird being back in Marion. My brain is confused about whether we're on vacation or just back from vacation. We had our cable, internet and phone all disconnected before we're left and our mail is going to South Dakota so everything that would be normal about a routine around here is off kilter. I walk in the door expecting to check phone messages, plop down on the couch and turn on the TV and look over the mail, but none of that's going to happen this week. Okay, I could turn on the TV, but all I'd see is static. I keep thinking I need to open the basement door to let the cats out even though they're living in the old chicken coop at Mom and Dad's. I keep thinking I need to walk on the least squeaky part of the stairs so I don't wake up the kids, but they're with the cats (just not staying in the chicken coop).

I told someone that in terms of our move, we're in the space between the period of the previous chapter and the start of the next. We were at Hanfield yesterday which was great. It was a little weird to have no responsibility and really no idea of what was going to happen in the course of a service.

A job, a house, normalcy... Things I'm praying for and hoping they don't hold off for too long.

Internal or External?

I went for an intermediate ride of about 40 miles this morning; long enough to not worry about having to go too fast, short enough to want to keep from going too slow. I've been riding fairly strongly of late and was very surprised when I didn't feel good on the bike today.

About the time I hit Crofton, Nebraska I began to wonder if the reason I was struggling today was internal or external. Was it the lack of a good night's sleep, mental fatigue or just a bad day physically, or was it the hills, the wind, the heat and bad roads conspiring to keep me on the bike for as long as possible?

I started thinking about Job. Not because I am feeling like Job, just because the book of Job is a study in internal causes vs. external causes for the difficulties of life. Job's friends are convinced that Job's problems are because of something inside him that is causing God to pass judgment on him. Job knows that's not the case and is trying to get those around him to realize that it is possible that our problems can be the result of something outside of our behavior.

Now, granted, there is definitely consequence to sin. When you have sex outside of marriage, you run the risk of unwanted pregnancy, venereal diseases, emotional hurt... But sometimes, through no fault of their own, a married woman becomes pregnant by an abusive husband, gets vd from an unfaithful spouse or a spouse that was sexually active before marriage or struggles with the emotional hurt of molestation as a child. I'm not necessarily speaking of sex for any particular reason other than that it came to mind as an easy illustration.

I've been wondering whether my job situation is being dictated totally by external circumstances or if there's a reason inside of me that is contributing to my inability to get a job. Could I be doing more? Is a fear of change causing me to hold back when I get close? Am I too picky in what I will accept as an acceptable job? I believe that God called us here, but sometimes the difficulty of trusting God is that you feel helpless when you have to wait for Him. I keep finding myself wondering what else I could be doing to jump start this whole thing and then find myself wondering whether God is testing me to see if I'll trust Him with everything if nothing comes up soon.

I don't know if any of this ties together or if it was just the wanderings of a tired mind in a suffering body. Turns out the ride was a little bit internal and a little bit external.

Back to Indiana

Now, before you get the wrong idea, it's not a move back to Indiana, just a few weeks to prepare for and lead worship at the Impact Summit Camp starting the 24th. We'll be glad to be back in the area to see friends and to be able to do some music again. It's a different thing when you're used to doing two rehearsals and a full Sunday with a guitar and then don't do it for a month at a time. I'm hoping that as we get to know some folks around here and get involved in a church we'll have a chance to get back into it in time.

I'm still jobless after another 12 resumes sent, some with personal contacts. There is a music store in Sioux Falls that does a lot of band instrument sales where the manager thought they'd be doing at least some part time hiring in the next month or so. Otherwise, I'm kind of at the will of the people that have my information in hand. I don't know how many of these folks I'll hear back from, but hopefully something will happen soon. I'm not looking forward to going back to Indiana and telling everyone that after nearly two months I'm still unemployed and we're really no closer to being settled here than we were when we were treating it like vacation.

Pride is a funny thing. It is the pride of pulling my own weight and my desire to not do a poor job representing Jesus that makes me want to find a job, but it's also pride that drives me to make something happen rather than wait for whatever God has in mind. My faith really isn't shaken by the way I feel. I am asking God more questions than ever, but I still fully expect to look back on this whole experience and see how God was at work in the midst of it. I am definitely thanking God for the family support which is making it much easier since I know my family will eat and that they have a roof over their heads while all of this is taking shape.

Soon, Lord. Please.

Job stuff

I got my rejection letter from the gallery the other day. I didn't really expect that I'd get the job, but it would have been a fun place for me to work and a natural place for me to develop relationships with artists. Oh well. I've got a few other feelers out, but may have to wait until we get back from our trip to Indiana on August 1st to solidify anything.

Tour de Kota Photo

Here's the photo I'd been trying to track down of me from the Tour de Kota in June. Thanks to The Argus Leader, photo by Stuart Villanueva. Used by permission.

War of the Worlds

-Warning- this post contains spoilers for the movie War of the Worlds. If you don't want any of the plot given away, stop reading now.

Went to see War of the Worlds yesterday with Amy, Rena and Dad. I wish I would have gone to Batman Begins instead. I was fairly disappointed. It's not that it was bad... it just really didn't live up to the hype for me. There were inconsistencies galore, multiple implausible escapes and moments that made me question how hard they really tried at times. It was fun like you expect a summer blockbuster to be fun with great special effects and moments that make your heart pick up the pace a bit, but I left thinking, "That was it?"

A few observations:
I read a review that questioned why the teenage son was even needed in this movie since he inexplicably disappears midway through. I think the son was important in order to fully understand the character of Ray (played by Tom Cruise). Ray is obviously a guy of some intelligence and ability given his proficiency at his job and the fact he can give advice on how to fix cars to an auto mechanic. Ray is a likeable guy who seems to know everybody and is on friendly terms with them at the movie's start (except for his ex and his kids). Ray is in a state of suspended adolescence which displays itself in a lack of maturity, responsibility and the inability to really get started on the engine that's sitting on his kitchen table. Ray's son is at a critical moment in his development. He seems to be intelligent, likeable (to everyone but Ray) and lacks maturity as evidenced by his inability to get started on the paper that he has due on Monday and the fact he took Ray's car out without permission let alone a license. Ray hauls the kid out back to play some catch against his will and seems to criticize anything in his son that doesn't resemble Ray even though Ray is a mess. We see the kid display maturity and compassion long before Ray does and the act of Ray letting his son go his own path is symbolic of Ray letting his own immaturity go so that he can be the man he has to be in order to survive the circumstances that he finds himself in.

Really, I thought Tom, Dakota and the rest of the cast did a pretty good job with what they were given. I just thought the screenplay was pretty weak. You needed Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning and Tim Robbins to pull off the extended basement sequence where the audience finally got a break from vaporization and explosions and traded it for the psychological thrill of watching a battle of wills between two great actors. My only complaint about the sequence is that it definitely had a been here, done that feel to it. When the probe first came in and they were slinking around the basement trying to stay undetected, it was a rehashing of the raptors in the kitchen from Jurassic Park. Because of that, it didn't grip me because it wasn't fresh.

I did appreciate the fact that the movie didn't try to explain everything that was going on. Misinformation was a major theme of the movie as refugees kept spouting as "knowledge" any report they had picked up from along the way even though others had different info they were sharing with their fellow travelers. It may be that the intention was to leave some things unexplained as a way of showing us that we don't always have, or need the answers and that sometimes, in our quest to feel important or knowledgeable, we create answers that are ill fitting and incorrect to what is really going on in the world around us. Maybe that's not what was intended, but at least it gives me something to think about.

I also appreciated the fact that they didn't make Ray the savior of the film who discovered the weakness of the aliens or contributed mightily to their overthrow. Amy verbalized that on the way home. She said that in a movie like Independence Day everyone in the movie had an area of expertise or played a part in some way to defeat the alien invaders. It was nice to be at a disaster movie where you pretty much recognized the main character was helpless to stop what was going on around him (with the exception of the exit of Tim Robbins).

One of the biggest plot holes (as in the book) was pointed out by Amy right after the movie and again echoed by my good friend Tim Tedder who wrote, "I mean, to think that these super-advanced creatures (who'd spent hundreds/thousands of years planning this invasion) had never thought to send at least 1 member of their species to "test out" the planet (or, at least, to take the required air & water samples) is a bit unbelievable. Heck, I even know to do that before invading a planet! Or, at least, wear a mask and bring along bottled liquids."

It was entertaining, but won't find a way into my DVD collection no matter how many deleted scenes, commentaries and other stuff they are able to throw together for it. I may rent it again in a few years, but then again, maybe not.

Nostalgic Ride

Today, I started the day off with a 50 mile ride from Mom & Dad's place, to my hometown and back (by a different route). I had been wanting to do this the last few years since Mom & Dad moved from Sheldon, IA to a place about 25 miles away but travel schedules, weather conditions and other things have prevented me from doing it. Today looked like the perfect opportunity with a little wind out of the northwest and an empty schedule.

A lot of the roads that I was on today are roads that I'm really familiar with. It struck me that these are actually the roads that birthed my love of cycling. These are the roads where I fought imaginary battles against other racers, inspired by Greg LeMond, Andy Hampsten, Davis Phinney and my other cycling heroes. These are the roads where I began to understand that while the wind was an enemy that preyed on your psyche, it could be turned into an unwitting ally when the road turned. These are the roads where I found solitude and discipline that have been reshaped into experiences with God that leave a marked change on my life.

There were a lot of moments along the way. I rode past the Evenson's fields where I rode beans and took advantage of the sonic cover offered by the steady roar of the tractor while I experimented with the art of scat singing. I rode past Tim B's house where I spent the night as a kid playing his mini pinball game and was transfixed by the first real life wiener dog I had ever come into contact with. I rode past Kim E's house and remembered plays we had done together and our senior year when we both made all-state in music and read scripts all the way to Des Moines to pass the time.

As I rolled west out of Archer I saw a sight I hadn't seen in probably ten years: the town of Sheldon from several miles away as viewed from a bike seat. I've been dealing with so much regarding my future and with my past in being back in the area, but I didn't anticipate the flood of emotion that I felt at that moment. Sheldon is not a big town, it's not an important town, it's not even a place that I would want to consider living again, but it is where my identity began to take shape.

I began to remember more of who I was and what I used to dream about and I began to wonder how it was I found myself a stranger to the person I used to be. Maybe I'm not really all that different, but just have a different sense of awareness of who I am and what my place in the universe is. Regardless, I feel like I'm reclaiming some missing pieces that I will need in order to move ahead with whatever it is God called me back here to do. I feel like today was an awakening, but I'm still too bleary eyed to see things clearly.

Where my dogs at?

Okay, this is going to seem insane, but I've now logged around 600 miles on the bike in South Dakota since 6.12 and I haven't been chased by a single dog. Yes, I have more hills to contend with. Yes, I have more wind to contend with. But is it too much to ask to get a little help with interval training from a farmhouse dog or two around here?