Give to the Wind Your Fears

I've had a few requests recently for a song I wrote a few years ago that was inspired by the song "Give to the Winds Thy Fears" which I came across in an old hymn book I picked up about 10 years ago from 1898 called "Hymns that Have Helped." The hymnal contains text only which I've found helpful as I've been able to use a few of the hymns I was previously unfamiliar with to inspire new songs without having to untether the text from a familiar tune. Being able to approach them fresh allows me to set them to whatever meter and harmonic structure seems to fit best and allows me to edit any of the text that might feel a little dated.

I wrote this song over the course of a week or so with a good deal of writing and rewriting until I came to the conclusion that while it might be a decent song, it was never going to morph into something that would really resonate with a lot of people. While that could have been disheartening, I still felt as though it was a song that God could use to minister to people that are struggling and need a word of hope, peace and healing. With that in mind, I did a simple version of it here in 2009 which is where the recent requests have come from. In hindsight, I might simplify and shorten the intro and interludes, but I think it serves well enough as a reference for anyone that might want to use the song.

If the song resonates for you or if you'd like to use it with your church, feel free to copy and paste the lead sheet from here. I'd also love to hear from you if you do use it, so feel free to leave a comment and let me know how you used it and how it went over.

Blessings,
Matt

Give to the Wind Your Fears

Vs 1 by Paulus Gerhardt, translated by John Wesley

All other text by Matt Morrison

verse 1

D

Give to the wind your fears

A

hope and be not dismayed

        G

God hears all your sighs and He counts your tears

       Em

and God will lift up your head

              D

Through waves, through clouds, through storms

     A

He gently clears the way

G

Wait for His time, so shall the night

        Em

soon end in glorious day

       G

and God will lift up your head

chorus

          D                 A

When all is falling all around 

            G                                            A

He has promised to be near you and hold you closer

     D                         A

As He restores your broken heart

         G

He is taking all that’s shattered

       A                          D                A      G      A

and making You more beautiful

verse 2

        D

This river washes clean

       A

and fills the thirsty soul

     G

as grace overflows and sweet mercy rolls

Em

God will lift up your head

     D

As peace begins to rise

        A

with sunlight’s warming glow

       G

cast your fears aside and open your eyes

       Em

see you are never alone

       G

and God will lift up your head

©2009 Paco Daddy Music/Matt Morrison

Musical Sensitivity & the Worship Musician

What do jazz ensembles, choirs, orchestras, show choirs, rock bands, wind ensembles, and polka bands have in common? All of them have helped form me as a worship musician. 

That may seem like a rather absurd statement, but I’ve been in ensembles of one type or another for 30 years (over half as a worship leader or worship musician) and in all that time, one of the most important things I’ve learned is that even more important than how well you play, is how well you play with others.

While a lot of the ensembles above have prescribed parts, it takes a fair amount of musical sensitivity to play well in the context of the entire group.

On a worship team, each band member’s contribution is often much less defined, which makes the need for sensitivity even more essential. Musical sensitivity is as much a skill as musical technique and it can make or break our effectiveness in leading God’s people in worship.

Now, here’s a disclaimer: God can use anyone of any skill level to accomplish His work in worship. God is not dependent upon our abilities to draw people to Himself, but we have a responsibility to join Him in His work by doing all we can to grow in our calling as worship musicians so that He doesn’t have to work in spite of us. 

While I think most of us can agree that musical sensitivity is important for a team leading a congregation in worship, we have to acknowledge that there are many different paths to growth in this particular area. While certainly not an exhaustive study of the subject, the following are some of the things that have proven helpful to me.

1. Probably the thing that has impacted my musicality the most is also the simplest place to start: listening.

Listen to bands who express a wide range of dynamics and have a strong sense of how to make a song flow. Listen to how your instrument is used in the context of the rest of the ensemble. What types of parts do they play? When do they play? When don’t they play?

I’m not suggesting that you copy them exactly, but whether you are listening to recordings of songs your team is playing or simply songs in a similar style, there are lessons to be learned from others who play with the very sensitivity you hope to develop.

2. The second thing I would recommend is also incredibly simple: practice.

Learn how to play different types of parts by modeling what you’re hearing in a recording. Learn interesting chord voicings. Learn how effects pedals or different synth and keyboard sounds help you achieve different moods and atmospheres. Sing harmonies to develop your ear.

I know some worship musicians worry that preparation will get in the way of what the Spirit may want to do in the moment, but it has been my experience that the more familiar I am with my instrument and with the style of music that I’m playing, the more equipped I am to follow the Spirit no matter what might happen in the course of worship.

Planning and preparation are not antithetical to being Spirit led. 

The Spirit can lead you in your preparation as easily as He can lead you in the moment. By preparing ahead of time, you ensure that however He leads, you’ve got the skills to follow.

3. Finally, I would encourage you to understand your band and your role within it.

Realizing that you don’t have to play all the time can bring a great deal of freedom, and fights a natural tendency to overplay a lot of us have. When you understand how all of the pieces of the puzzle are supposed to fit together, it is much easier to ensure that you are not just adding to the noise, but are contributing something that will help produce a dynamic, cohesive whole.

Similarly, understand how what you play relates to what others are doing.

When I play rhythm electric, I am paying attention to what the lead guitar player is doing to make sure we’re not duplicating a part, and that what I’m playing either supports his or her lead line or is in a different register if we’re both playing a rhythm part.

When I play bass, I am paying attention to the bass drum pattern so that my rhythm can lock onto it and together the drummer and I can provide a more unified drive.

When playing as a multi-instrumentalist (guitars, percussion, trumpet, vocals all in the same service) I listen to what everybody else brings to the table, then I add instruments that support what others are doing or that provide some texture or tonal interest.

If I’m not aware of what everybody else is contributing, anything I do will be either distracting or redundant and unnecessary. 

Again, these are only a few of the things I have found useful in developing a sensitivity to serve effectively in a worship environment. What are things that have helped shape you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and continue the conversation as we seek to grow in our musicality, leadership, and worship.

This originally appeared as a guest post for the \'shift\115 Worship Collective. Check out their other articles and resources at http://www.shift115.com/ .

Derek Webb I Was Wrong, I'm Sorry & I Love You Review

There are few artists that I've found myself drawn to over the last ten years as much as Derek Webb. Where most artists find their audience and do their best to either cater to their tastes or to try to determine how far they can push their artistic boundaries within acceptable limits so as to maintain their following, Derek has unapologetically shifted the boundaries stylistically to continue to explore new territory seemingly from album to album. He also has a lyrical sensibility that can wander from painfully confessional to cuttingly prophetic (with more than just a touch of a cynic's perspective) and has some detractors who find his use of poetic ambiguity too vague while others cringe at his no holds barred directness.

While not all of these things find their resting place in Derek's new album I Was Wrong, I'm Sorry & I Love You, this is his most accessible album in several years and contains many of the elements of Derek's best work. As the title would imply, it is (in part) an olive branch from an artist to an audience that may have left the conversation at some point in the journey. That is not to say that he is apologizing for past statements or previous works. In fact, Derek has stated that when performing the songs from his first solo album She Must and Shall Go Free earlier this year, that he was pleased to find that the songs rang just as true now as they did when he first wrote them. Derek has said that in the past he has not felt the need to restate things he has previously said, but instead has used those things to build upon. His intent with this album was to revisit the same questions that he asked 10 years ago when he wrote She Must and Shall Go Free and to answer those same questions 10 years farther along on the journey. What emerges serves more as an invitation back into dialogue with echos both thematically and stylistically of previous works.

It is fitting then that the invitation is issued at the start with a verse from the title track that recaps Derek's previous work as a way of reflecting on the journey he's been on as an artist and also as mile markers reminding listeners of where they may have left the conversation. The apology that follows is part clarification ("But over all these years, these three things I've tried to say") and part confession ("I've loved too much and not enough in the same breath") and show a man ready to make amends for both things deserved and things presumed by others for the sake of maintaining a relationship moving forward.

Ultimately, it's a collection that works very well and represents some of his best work. Derek writes with his typical eloquence and there are multiple songs that continue to linger including the title track, Eye of a Hurricane, Heavy, Everything Will Change, Nothing But Love, and The Vow. There are certainly other standout tracks and even those that will be less likely to earn earworm status are purposeful, well written, and deserve their fair share of attention.

While stylistically, there is little here that Derek hasn't explored before, the ability to echo styles from previous recordings and to weave them into one cohesive whole is an act of artistry all its own. Also evident is Derek's growth as a producer and lessons learned in the area of composition from his Feedback project which provide musical elements that are both subtle and purposeful that help the songs connect.

You'll find a more detailed analysis of each song posted soon as I continue to digest them, but this is easily one of my favorite releases of the year so far.

The album is available for pre-order with immediate digital download at http://www.derekwebb.com/WSL/ in several different package forms. If you are unfamiliar with Derek or haven't listened to him in awhile, my recommendation would be the "Welcome Back" package which includes all of Derek's solo albums (8 in all) for $25 in digital format or $35 for digital plus physical copies.

More Room

Life has rarely been dull for me since starting in ministry in 1997 and my nearly three years at Embrace Church have certainly not been the exception. It seems like all we have done for the last three years (and probably much more often than that over the full seven year life of the church) is make decisions about how to continue to make room for the people that God is bringing to Embrace.

In the fall of 2011, we moved into our current space with two Sunday morning services. A third service followed the next fall and we added our 605 Sunday night service in February. All of these moves required additional staffing and volunteers, but nothing pushed us beyond our capacity to keep moving forward.

On Easter we saw our largest service in Embrace's short history. Now, a spike in attendance at Easter is not an abnormality for any church, but the trend at Embrace over the last several years is that the spike we experience at Easter becomes the new norm for us by the third Sunday in September at the latest. This set off alarm bells for us as leadership because we recognized that for the first time, we were in danger of having no more room for first time guests.

Almost immediately, senior leadership and our Lead Team began discussing options to make more room. Everything from building another sanctuary on site to heavily modifying the current sanctuary to multi-site satellite campuses to creatively squeezing every ounce of use out of the full building were considered as we looked for more room for Embrace to be able to reach the next person for Christ.

In order to communicate the heart of Embrace and start a discussion as a church about the road ahead and the need to do something, Adam (our Lead Pastor) gave a message titled "More Room" based on the parable of the great dinner in Luke 14 (to hear the message go here and go to about the 5:40 mark). In that message he spoke very well about the heart and vision of Embrace and the challenge facing us if we do not do something to make more room. 

At the end of that message, Adam announced an all-church meeting to discuss a proposal to make some significant modifications to the current building. It was to be a meeting where the proposal would be laid out, discussed, and voted on as a church to set us up for the road ahead. Everything seemed to be moving forward until we got a call from the bank. The initial financing we discussed with them would have required us to raise $500,000 to secure a loan to do the work which, while significant, was something we were willing to pursue. The remainder would have come from Embrace's budget. The aforementioned call was to let us know that the initial amount we would have to raise would instead be $1,000,000. 

Now, Embrace has grown to be a big church, but it's also a young church both in its history and its constituency. Most of our congregation consists of young couples and singles in their 20's & early 30's (with a few of us older folks to add spice and variety). As such, the majority are not in their prime earning years, are starting with school, home, and other debt, may just be re-engaging in their faith, and may have never given to a church as a regular spiritual discipline. $1,000,000 did not seem like a wise commitment for us to make at this point in time, so the purpose of the meeting changed from one that would require a vote to one that would consist primarily of information and vision casting.

The meeting was held last night and Adam again outlined the dilemma that we're facing, the potential cost of different proposals, the change in plans, and the road ahead. Early on, Adam made it clear that "Doing nothing is not an option. We are the hope of the world" (the Church universal, not just Embrace). The idea that just because we opted not to pursue the original plan, we wouldn't do anything in the short term was put to rest immediately.

Adam started with the recognition that there were four primary areas of concern for us to address with any proposal: seating, children's areas, parking, and lobby space. In order for a good solution to be found, the impact to those four areas had to be considered.

One option would be to build a new sanctuary. When Gloria Dei owned the building, they had blue prints that showed the long term plans for an additional worship space, so we knew it was a possibility. The price tag (somewhere in the ballpark of $5 million) was not a possibility and would have only addressed one of the four areas of concern. 

A second option would have been a complete overhaul of the current sanctuary, primarily through additional seating in expanded balcony space. While providing additional seating, most of it would be in the balcony which would have been less accessible and less likely to be used. It also would have created some unique challenges for sound design and line of sight underneath the balcony seating. The price tag with that would have been over $3 million. Getting closer, but still not addressing all of the needs in each of the four areas. 

A third option that we've been discussing for some time is starting a second campus. In all honesty, it's something that Adam has talked about since I first started at Embrace, so it has never been an "if," but a "when" on starting to go multi-site. The initial cost would be much less, but ultimately, we would anticipate around 10-12% of our current congregation to make a switch to a proposed site in Tea. While the thought that it would give us a sustainable presence to get something started there, it would not do enough to relieve the space issues in the current space without some work and still wouldn't address all four areas of concern.

A fourth option would have been to add Saturday night services or additional Sunday afternoon services. The issue there is that it is an enormous strain on staff and volunteers and very rarely winds up being a good return on investment that frees up space in the prime visiting hours of 10 & 11:15. It also wouldn't address all four areas of concern and would create a couple in the meantime.

Another option would have been to look for land to build something else. This is problematic on several fronts as that would mean needing to sell the current space and wait for a new space to be built or located and modified. There simply aren't that many spaces of a large enough size that would be available, let alone cost effective. In fact, Adam half-jokingly said in order to buy land we'd probably have to relocate to south of Canton (25 miles away).

The proposal that we were hoping to pursue would have meant some big changes to the current space, but within the original financing quoted, would have been doable with a total cost of around $2 million. It would have involved increasing the parking lot by 160 spaces at a cost of $300,000, developing what is currently the staff offices to become the early childhood wing, taking over the education wing (currently leased by Snicklefritz daycare, whose lease is almost up) and revamping that to include new worship spaces and classrooms for (e)Kids, overhauling the current (e)Kids space (which was the original sanctuary for Gloria Dei) and using it as a second sanctuary for Sunday services, and making significant improvements to the amount of lobby space to allow for a less congested experience on Sunday morning. Because this proposal would have meant some modifications that would have been impacted by building codes, we would have to install a sprinkler system for an estimated $130,000 and increase the bathroom space in the building. Included also would have been investment in improving the quality of the cameras so that the sermon could be done on video in the second sanctuary which is a move we were already considering as a part of any move towards additional campuses.

This proposal would have hit on all four areas, given us the ability to add an additional 2-3 services with nearly 900 chairs available, set us up with additional parking, additional children's space, additional foyer space, and given us the tools for the next steps in being able to establish additional campuses. The only problem was that the funding didn't work out the way we had initially planned.

Adam made it very clear that even though this could be looked at as a set back, this is more opportunity for creativity as we look at the road ahead. He has a peace about not being able to move forward with the proposed changes at this time, though they remain a possibility for further down the road. He also said that the team's response to this setback wasn't a dejected "What do we do now?" It was more of a "What do we do know?" that you would hear from a group of problem solvers who believe there is a solution still undiscovered.

I appreciate this a great deal as waiting on God's timing to make changes is extremely important. The right move at the wrong time can be a disaster and vice versa. The change in terms from the bank was simply taken as a sign that we shouldn't move ahead as planned, but should continue seeking solutions.

Obviously, there are still some things that need to happen yet this summer and other changes may follow in the months ahead along the lines of the ones mentioned above. We will still be making some changes to the space currently leased by Snicklefritz to prepare those spaces to better serve our kids. We will also move forward on putting some pieces in to improve the tech needed to start a second campus and do the presentation of the message well. This also probably means that a Tea campus will be happening sooner rather than later if things progress. Finally, there are some slight modifications that we can make to the current sanctuary to add an additional 100 seats to the space. While none of these are overarching, fix all solutions to things, they do buy us some additional time while we consider what and when to move next.

Adam also encouraged us to consider modifications that we might make to help us through in the short term. He made it clear that as soon as we make a commitment to be a part of Embrace that it is no longer about us anymore. We can't continue to come and consume and ask to be catered to because it is not a reflection of God's heart, it is not our vision, it is not healthy, and it does not allow room for those who do not yet know Jesus to find him at Embrace. 

He also talked about how the idea of reaching the next person for Christ can be a bit abstract until you think about it being the person you most want to see come to Christ. Whether it's your sister, your coworker, your spouse, your cousin who just got out of rehab, your brother whose wife just left him... Think of the person you believe needs Jesus the most. Now think of them showing up and there not being a place for them. My heart breaks to think of this and my hope is that the same would be true for all of us that call Embrace home.

As a part of the challenge to think about others before ourselves, Adam gave a few simple action steps. The first would be that if you attend the 10 or 11:15 services, to consider making a move to 9:00 or the 605 service where there is more room available. He suggested moving to the front and sides during services which are often seats that are left open. He added that if volume is a concern for people that those spots are actually among the most quiet in the room and might help them to find a more comfortable level. Lastly, he suggested parking farther from the doors or even on the side streets in the neighborhoods around Embrace so that people might be able to find parking spots. All of these are simple ways to contribute to our ability to continue to have room for the next person.

I've always been a fan of talking about vision. Vision is what compels people forward. Vision is what keeps them focused on what needs to be done to accomplish the tasks we've been given. Vision is what determines the when, how, and what of ministry to keep us aligned with the heart of God. 

While the meeting took on a different purpose than what was originally intended, I loved that vision was breathed into the life of Embrace and people were invited into the conversation. I honestly have never been more excited for the future of Embrace and can't wait to see what God does to exceed our hopes, dreams, and expectations in the years ahead.

Amy Update- Starting Treatment

Amy had her first visit with the oncologist yesterday and the short version is that things are looking favorable. Amy will be starting chemo next Thursday (the 11th). The time table is dictated more by our calendar than any sense of urgency in the treatment, so things still hold at stage one with a very solid treatment plan. Our desire to keep our plans for a full family trip for Xander's team's First Lego League world championships in three weeks made chemo prior to surgery the preferential route to take and sets Amy up to finish chemo in late July, undergoing surgery in mid-August, and hopefully being fairly healed as the fall semester starts up at USF in September. The visit with Dr. Krie (her oncologist) was very reassuring and helped to fill in a lot of the gaps in our understanding of the process and gave us a timeline to focus on.

Prayers would be appreciated for her healing (always first and foremost), for the nausea associated with the chemo to be minimal (she is fairly sensitive in this area), that the chemo would prove effective against her type of cancer, and for her peace as we navigate through the other physical effects of the chemo.

She is doing incredibly well, given the circumstances, and I couldn't be prouder of her strength and how she continues to use this to point to God as her source, center, and light. We have the greatest support team we could hope for and believe that God will use this to strengthen and shape our family and to draw people closer to Himself as well.

If you'd like to read about all of this from her perspective (i.e. "the full story"), go check out her latest blog entry here. 

Haiti Trip 2013: Thursday

I know it's been awhile since I posted the last entry about the trip I took with a group from Embrace to Mission Haiti in February and it's because 1) I am still journaling about the trip (yes, a month later) and 2) we've sort of been preoccupied with Amy's cancer diagnosis. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about both in the weeks to come, but while we are in a lull waiting for Amy's treatment plan to take shape, I figured I would take some time to resume the recap of the trip.

Thursday, February 21, 2013- Ti Rivier, Haiti

A few things about sleeping at Mission Haiti: earplugs are a must and roosters are plentiful. The sleeping arrangements are such that the men were in one room with five bunk beds and the ladies in one with three or four (I'm not sure how many because I am a gentleman and covered my eyes every time I walked by there. Okay, not really. Turns out I only have a detailed memory for things that directly effect me). Troy & Rachael got the honeymoon suite (a storeroom with a few single beds) and we all shared an entry room that is part foyer, part pantry, and part first aid area.

After falling asleep the first night, I slept fairly soundly with a bit of tossing & turning because of the heat and the roosters. I know there are at least two roosters on sight and the neighbors have several within crowing distance as well. Once everyone is sound asleep though, they multiply and amplify to the point where sleeping without earplugs would be an effort in futility. I'm not sure what time they started crowing that first night, but it was an endless cock-a-doodle-drone all night.

I was pretty much awake by 5:00am (after going to bed at 7:30 the night before), but stayed in bed until 6:15 before venturing out for my first bucket shower. Our showers consisted of two stalls with a bench that holds a bucket of water that is filled from barrels that get filled once a day from the well that is on site. Most of the team preferred showers at the end of the afternoon or before bed because the water is warmer, but I opted for mornings because 1) I am a creature of habit and 2) it was the coolest I would be the entire trip. The only thing I was uncertain about was shaving since it would have to happen in the shower and there was no mirror present. I opted to take my phone in and used the front facing camera as a makeshift mirror (an idea that proved quite effective for the duration of the trip).

Breakfast was at 7:00 and consisted of instant oatmeal and instant coffee, both of which were quite appreciated. Breakfast for the full week was more a form of function than cultural immersion and alternated between the above and variations on the theme along with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on days that required something with a little more substance. Each morning also began with a team devotional. On Thursday I gave a one that I had written from Isaiah 55 about our expectations and submitting them to the plans that God had for us for the trip.

After devos, we marched to the first school of the day which is less than a quarter mile from the mission. We were there to take pictures of the kids that have school sponsors through Mission Haiti that help pay for supplies, uniforms, & lunches for the students for a sum of only $75-150 per year depending on whether they are in elementary or high school.

One by one, each child was marched down to the photo area in the former courtyard of the pink school (the wall to the courtyard was destroyed at some point in time, though portions remain). Each student had a plastic sleeve with a sheet of paper with their name and a copy of their picture from the previous year which they got to keep. They each had one photo with the name card and one without (to make sure we had the right child's name for each packet) before being given a sticker, a piece of candy, smiles from all of our team (because they were absolutely adorable), and were finally sent back to class.

The kids were excited to have us there and they looked sharp/cute in their blue & white uniforms with the girls' hair done with barrettes & ribbons. It was interesting to see kids come late or go early, but apparently the teachers in a lot of these schools may or may not show up and things often wrap up by noon or so. No education is needed to be a teacher. All you have to do is buy a certificate, so the quality and commitment level of the teachers are often low to say the least.

We saw about 300 kids at that school before packing up and heading back up the hill. One of the highlights of our first excursion for me was Scott Johnson. As we started at the school, Scott was grabbing pictures left and right and continued to do so as the kids began to have their pictures taken. At one point, he asked if there was anything he could do because he felt like he wasn't really helping. I told him that taking pictures for us was huge because it allowed everybody else to do what they were doing while still knowing that things were being documented so that we could remember the experience and better communicate the opportunities for future trips. His face lit up and he unofficially took on the role of team photographer. It was a joy to be able to affirm him in his gifts and to give him permission to do what comes so naturally to him. He does an amazing job of making people feel comfortable (kids and adults) and takes a simple, beautiful joy in showing the people of Haiti their beauty through his lens. All of the photos in this post (with the exception of the first and last) are courtesy of Scott.

It wasn't long before we headed back out to the next school which was just a stone's throw around the bend from the first school. Replace the pink building with a blue one, blue for red in the uniform, and the broken wall for a hillside ocean view and the rest played out in a similar fashion to the first school.

At the first school, I found myself shifting roles from helping kids get from check-in to the photographers, to helping with the name cards, to handing out candy. At the second school, the set up was such that I quickly found myself jobless. I opted to spend the time praying, taking pictures of the team, and having conversations with other team members.

We returned from the second school and settled in for beans, rice, chicken, and fried plantains that had been prepared for us. Conversations were good as we unpacked our first morning of work and lunch was followed by a little trip to the home of one of Gretchen's friends. A handful of us visited Robert who was quite hospitable in showing us the boat he was building, his garden, and his home. His home is a simple Haitian home with a few small rooms and an amazing beachfront view. We wandered down to check out the beach and it was unlike anything I'd ever seen. The water and the view of the far side of the bay are breathtaking until you look at your feet and see the massive amounts of trash that you are standing on.

Haiti is, without a doubt, the most littered place I've ever been (in my admittedly limited travels). What garbage is not burned is simply left where it lies. It is not a stretch to say that we didn't walk more than ten feed on any roadway that we traveled without seeing a menagerie of trash including wrappers, plastic bottles, parts of old shoes and any number of other things. The beach at Robert's was almost more garbage than rock and seemed a surreal framework for the view that it surrounds.

Robert's home was both simple and warm with one special, notable piece of decor that was of interest to us as a team. It was a picture of Mike, Pam, and their family that was at least ten years old. It was a beautiful testimony to the time that they have invested in the people of Ti-Rivier and the family that they have made in this community.

When we got back to the mission, we were able to sit in on some teaching by Pastor Jeff Stam. Jeff was accidentally brought on the trip by Pam as she thought she was contacting someone else, but Jeff proved to be a blessing as his ministry (Set Free Ministries) is focused on spiritual bondage and teaching about things pertaining to spiritual warfare. It was a little unclear what Jeff's purpose on the trip was to be and as he started his session, he wasn't even certain whether it should be directed at our team or at the Haitians that had come to hear him. Pam was not around, so I encouraged him to focus the teaching toward the Haitians knowing we would have other opportunities of our own to hear from him.

Jeff began by recounting the spiritual history of Haiti and discussing the prevalence of voodoo and how, even in cases where people tried to follow Christ, their lives were still impacted by voodoo in a variety of ways. It was very interesting to get a bit more perspective on the issue of voodoo which is a daily reality in the daily lives of many that would encounter in the days ahead and helped to inform my prayers for the remainder of the trip.

After Jeff's teaching, we had the chance to go hang out with Pam's kids at the orphanage. Aubrey, Julie, Rachael, Gretchen, Troy, Taylor, Seth and I went and delivered the crosses that the Embrace kids had made for the Haiti kids and gave Pam's kids the chance to make some for us to bring back with us. There are currently ten kids at the orphanage (four boys and six girls) all probably aged 12 or younger. Some of the older kids remembered Aubrey from past trips and wanted to know how the other Scarlet Letter boys were doing (a band Aubrey sang for for a few years) and if Aubrey had married Art (her guitar player, friend and former boyfriend). It was sort of fun seeing Aubrey try to navigate the questions and to realize just how much has changed for her in the last two years.

Before long Lucy & Aubrey had slipped away to play basketball while the rest continued to press on with the craft. Things eventually wound down, cleaned up, and moved on to other things. Some of the kids played hopscotch while others of us moved to the basketball court to join Lucy & Aubrey.

Pam had shared with us the day before that there was a strong possibility that Lucy would be taken from the orphanage while we were there. Lucy's mom and dad had been heavily involved in gangs before her father died and Lucy had been at the orphanage for several years because her mother didn't want her. Pam has all of the legal paperwork to be Lucy's legal guardian, but in Haiti her mother could easily tell a judge that she wants her back and Pam's paperwork wouldn't matter a bit. Her mother had expressed a desire to do exactly that and Pam was scheduled to meet with Lucy's mom Thursday morning. We were all praying that she would have a change of heart and decide to let Lucy stay because the situation with her mom would not be a healthy one.

For the time being, we played ball. The teams naturally took on a boys vs girls vibe as we began our play on a rim at about eight feet in height on a concrete slab that was sloped and uneven. It was clear early that Lucy was a sharp shooter, Julie was fiercely competitive, and Rose, Lucy, and Schneider (all orphans) were fierce defenders who used every ounce of energy to harass, harangue, and foul each other to get the ball back.

Lucy's scoring potential quickly made us abandon our initial soft defensive approach. I started by simply making sure I kept my hands up to make her shoot over me, but it quickly escalated to actively attempting to block her shots (much to my shame, or not so much). I was heckled mercilessly after my first block, but I protested that I had to play her tough since she'd already scored 80 points on me (a bit of hyperbole). Julie finally had to quit giving me grief after blocking one of 4'0'' Schneider's shots.

We finally ended a hard fought contest to head over to the other side to eat. Turns out that we were not only late to dinner, but late to youth as well as several young men in their teens and early 20's were already on hand. Supper was macaroni & cheese that the medical crew had made and was greatly appreciated, if belatedly enjoyed.

After the evening meal, it was finally time for youth group. Patricko led worship on guitar in both Creole and English and it was definitely a blessing to get to hear familiar songs in another language and to hear the voices of so many of the area youth lifted in praise. Aubrey followed that with the first of a two part lesson on Esther for the youth and she taught using an interpreter for about five minutes before we continued on in worship.

After youth had wrapped up and things had quieted a bit, we gathered our team in the dining area and had our team time where we discussed our plans for Friday and also shared our highs and lows for the day. For the most part, the highs flowed easily from just about everybody and the lows were few and far between. It had really been a fun day of seeing the team come together and begin to form an identity.

Pam then gave a brief update about where things stood with Lucy's mom who was still determined to take Lucy. The expectation was that she would arrive with a court order, or the police, on Friday to do so. Obviously, this was a major topic of the prayer time that followed the sharing that capped off the night.

After that, it was finally time to settle in, grab some rest, and let the rooster chorus serenade us 'til dawn.

An unwelcome guest

Some things do not go according to plan. Instead they sneak up, sucker punch you, move into your house, and refuse to leave. Cancer is like that.

We received a diagnosis on Wednesday that flipped our world upside down. Amy has breast cancer. I still can't say it with any sense that the statement is based in reality, but there it is. If you haven't read Amy's story, take a minute to read it here and then come back.

Obviously, I am blessed beyond reason to be married to this woman. Her outer beauty still stuns me after 20 years of marriage, and it can only be eclipsed by her heart, character, spirit, and the depth of her faith. Her beauty has grown over time as I've watched Jesus transform, refine, and redeem her. I hate that she has to go through this and hurt so badly for her as we consider what may be on the road before us. At the same time, just when I didn't think I could possibly love her more, God gives me an opportunity to experience that love in an entirely new way.

We have both had our moments over the last few days as fresh emotions and new fears have washed over us. I held her in the exam room right after we first heard the news as she allowed herself a moment to purge herself of the emotions she was feeling. She has held me, in return, as I've expressed how helpless I feel and how desperately I need her. The smallest thing can be overwhelming and catch us completely by surprise, but nothing can shake our faith or belief that Amy will beat this.

We have also been overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from so many that we have been blessed to experience life with over the years. We know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that we are loved and can constantly feel ourselves lifted in prayer by hundreds and hundreds of people.

Cancer may be an unwelcome guest, but there is absolutely no question that we are in this together and that we will come out the other side stronger as a couple and stronger in our faith.

Haiti Trip 2013 The Travel Days

I've been back in the US from a vision trip with a team from Embrace Church with Mission Haiti and am still in the process of completing my journal from the trip. I figured I would post the first entry from the journal and hope to follow with the rest of the posts in the next week or so (time permitting).

This was my first international missions trip which is a little hard for me to believe given that I have worked in vocational ministry in one sense or another for most of the last 16 years. For whatever reason, the opportunity never quite presented itself in the past, but this time I found myself forcing the effort a bit as Embrace hasn't had a consistent, ongoing effort in global missions since I started two and a half years ago on staff. It seemed like every time international missions came up in a staff setting, I was usually the one bringing the topic up and finally about a year ago I told Adam and Travis that I was willing to help get the ball rolling.

This trip was actually our second with Mission Haiti, but the previous trip was three or more years ago and we really hadn't pursued that ministry relationship since then. This, then would be our attempt to reboot the relationship with an eye toward long term partnership. The team was a vision team that was going without much in the way of specific purpose other than to see what Mission Haiti does and to look for opportunities to partner with them wherever their initiatives and our gifts and personalities match up.

The Embrace Team

The team consisted of Adam Weber (Embrace's Lead Pastor), Aubrey Bohl (Embrace's Worship Leader), Julie Babb, Brent Tucker, Taylor Burkett, Scott Johnson, Seth Peterson, Gretchen Schafer, and me. We had a few other folks along that were invited by Pam Plasier (founder of Mission Haiti) including Troy and Rachael Weiland (Troy is the Pastor of Zion Mennonite Church in Bridgewater, SD), Danny (one of their parishioners), and Pastor Jeff Stam (who was there doing some teaching on spiritual bondage/warfare). There was also a three person medical team working to establish some systems for their clinic. Liza (from that team) also helped out quite a bit with photography.

The initial flight out of Sioux Falls was fairly uneventful with a two hour layover in Dallas. We began to see some of the personality of the team early on, especially with Gretchen. We hadn't been in the air for more than 10 minutes when she wanted to teach us "The Plane Game." The game consisted of looking up ads in the SkyMall magazine, posing like the people in the ad, and everybody else guessing which page we were found on. Gretchen also decided to challenge us to ride the shuttle at the Dallas airport without the use of our hands while trying to keep our balance. A few stops after we started, Gretchen was bantering with some strangers from Kentucky while goading them into playing as well. One of the guys was fairly playful and the conversation got fairly colorful before we reached our stop.

From Dallas, we were off to Miami where we arrived shortly after midnight. We set off in search of a gate at the airport where we could find a promising spot to try to grab a few hours of sleep before our 6:20am check in time for the flight to Port-Au-Prince.

Pam had warned us that we would probably get bumped from the gate and sent to the main lobby of the airport which would slow us down getting going in the morning. On previous trips, teams would get chased off as cleaning crews methodically made their way through all of the gates to prepare the airport for the next day's pandemonium.

As everybody grabbed seats or a piece of floor to try to settle in, I went to the next gate over to charge devices and try to sleep. It wasn't too long before I realized that the volume on CNN at that gate was going to prove too loud (even with earplugs), so I waited until my phone was charged and headed back to where the rest of the team was in various stages of sleeping/not sleeping. I grabbed a few pictures for both Embrace's and my personal Instagram including a sweet one of Aubrey sleeping, while seated, with a pillow in her lap and her arms and head resting on the pillow.

While Aubrey sweetly slumbered, I tried grabbing a spot on the floor and set myself up with a sleep mask and ear plugs. I quickly found that the Miami airport keeps their air conditioning set right around 51 degrees and that it was coldest on the floor. I gave up trying to sleep after awhile and most of the team was experiencing the same predicament. Many longing glances were cast at the Starbucks across the aisle which was closed and gated for the night. Conversation and YouTube videos passed the time between failed attempts to sleep. Rumors of a 4am Starbucks opening at another location in the airport led to a handful of the team going on what proved to be a fruitless expedition. 

During their journey, I stacked my bags in one seat and sat in another with my feet over the armrest of a third and finally got my first 30 minutes of sleep of the trip. The brevity of the sleep was due in part to the a/c and in part because of the cleaning crew that had been working the place over. Luckily, they did not kick us out and we were able to to wait out the stay at the gate we had chosen.

Starbucks finally had mercy on us and opened at 5:00 where their first seven customers were from Embrace (which should surprise no one). About 5:30, a handful of us went to grab breakfast at an a la carte place where all of the employees kissed each other (often) while working behind the counter where we were able to refuel before the trek to the next gate for the flight that would finally take us to Haiti.

We had been well prepared for the Port-Au-Prince airport and our protocol to get through with as little hassle as possible. We had been warned that we would be offered help at every turn with the expectation of some kind of payment and our main task was claiming the 25 or so bags that Mike and Pam had packed with various supplies for Mission Haiti without having to pay anyone anything extra for doing what we were perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves. Each bag was marked with a spray painted orange "X" clearly and intentionally sprayed making them easy to identify. We had six or seven carts piled high by the time we had everything and we made our way to customs.

Pam ran point and all of her baby ducks followed. The customs agents checked a couple of sample bags before we were sent on our way. We learned that we very nearly risked losing a bag of medicine that had been near the top. Pam said the street value of medicine in Haiti makes it one of the most sought after items for customs agents to steal. She said they occasionally will lose medicine in transit when it is discovered, but sometimes she is able to buy it back from the agents.

Making our escape from the airport, we headed across the lot to the bus where Ronald (Mission Haiti's Haitian director/kamikazee bus driver) was waiting. The bus seats 16 with a large cargo cage in back where all of the bags were stored for the trek over the mountains and through the jungles to the mission. I had hoped to grab some sleep shortly after getting underway, but Port-Au-Prince proved far too interesting and harrowing to sleep through. Signs of the earthquake were still readily visible as we passed tents, makeshift tin sheds, and countless buildings in various states of either ruin or reconstruction. Aubrey and Gretchen (who had both been to Mission Haiti previously) both spoke of how much better everything looked, which was good to hear, yet hard to believe.

The other thing that amazed me was that there were people everywhere. Here it was, mid-morning and there were tens of thousands of people lining the streets. Gretchen told us that some of the small shops we drove past (in sheds sometimes no bigger than 4'x6') stayed open into the evening when the shop owner would gather everything inside, lock up, and go to sleep in the shop. These types of shops and longer standing stores stretched for miles, only occasionally broken up by a tent community, tin community, or large public market that was simply one large, loosely organized free for all. Black Friday on steroids couldn't begin to describe what was going on on this Wednesday in the middle of February.

As if the surroundings weren't enough, there was also the traffic. Haitian traffic is one gigantic, every man for himself, extravaganza where busses, trucks, tap-taps (mostly pickups that serve as mass transit for a fee, cars, and motorcyclists engage in survival of the fittest feats of bravery for their little piece of the roadway. Note to self: never, ever challenge a Haitian driver to a game of chicken. 

A true Haitian tap-tap

Eventually, the traffic began to thin a bit as we made our way out of the city. One of the main indicators that we had made it out was that the roads grew progressively worse. We inched through sections of the road an immediately accelerated to 55mph and began bombing our way through traffic again. Every opportunity to pass, no matter how significant the odds against us, was seized with reckless abandon as though anything that delayed us was to be feared more than death itself. Thankfully, self preservation on the part of those on the road kept us from any unscheduled opportunities to partake in the Haitian healthcare system.

When we reached the town closest to Ti-Rivier (where supplies are usually purchased) we stopped at a school to make some contacts for the medical crew with another clinic and to see some new, high efficiency wood burning ovens that allow them to cook much faster while using less fuel. The ovens had just been installed and were definitely giving Pam and the team some ideas of how something similar might be used by Mission Haiti.



From there we made the last leg of our 5+ hour journey from Port-Au-Prince. We had been up and down mountain roads (where I slept haltingly in 30 second increments) and crossed to the south west coast of the island where we finally arrived at Ti-Rivier.

The bus went in the gate when we arrived at Mission Haiti on the orphanage end of the "L" shaped compound. The yard was spacious, the buildings beautiful, and the playground had a couple of towers and other opportunities for kids to play. At the end of the orphanage compound is a gate to the rest of the mission consisting of Pam's house, a large guest house, a tent where they have youth meetings, and another house where Patricko (one of the on-site Haitian leaders) and his family live. A few outbuildings, showers, a hydroponics set up, and a pump indicating the location of the well round the place out.There is another gate at the far end of that compound that serves as the main gate for those that come to the mission (and there are a lot of people that come during the course of a normal day).

When we arrived, it wasn't long before we had food served. Our steady lunch diet of beans, rice, and chicken (w/ habanero sauce for those of us with a taste for heat) began as we gladly ate our first meal since the Miami airport.

We spent a little time getting a feel fro the place before our team meeting that night which primarily involved discussing the plan for the next day when the main task would be doing photos for Mission Haiti's school sponsorship program at a couple of schools.

We were all well and truly spent, so we adjourned and headed to bed at about 7:30 after a long, long 26 hour journey.