Dreaming, praying, debating (primarily with myself) and seeking have probably defined me this month. Other than a sense that God is calling us to uproot and move to Sioux Falls, SD in order to reach out to artists in the community, things have been fairly vague. Details like how to pay the bills, how to sell this house (in an unfavorable economy) and how to feed the kids make some kind of a job on the other side of this fairly important. Problem is, we don't really know vocationally what God wants us to do.
Here's what I do know: God has been allowing us to dream a great deal about different ways to reach out to artists in Sioux Falls (musical, visual, performing...) in hopes of encouraging and equipping artists to create redemptive art as an act of worship. I believe that creative artists have a creative urge because of the image of God that is stamped on their lives. God is the ultimate creative artist and loves when we that have the creative urge create in an effort to reflect that part of his character.
One thought that's been pretty consistent has been the idea of a monthly fellowship gathering for artists where we can worship together, learn together, network and be challenged to stretch in our calling as creative artists. My hope is that the art that emerges from this type of setting would begin to be seen community wide and would give us credibility as artists to engage and influence creative artists throughout the area. I am imagining a day when the art that is created in Sioux Falls takes more influence from artists with a Christian worldview instead of having artists in the Christian community trying to always imitate what is being produced "out there." That's been a particular rant of mine for a while that I might explore in another post.
I could even see the possibility of doing a church plant with "twenty-something" artists as the target group. I would definitely want to partner with someone that would be a compliment to Amy and me to do something like that though. I can't see being "the guy" in charge of a congregation. I just recognize too many deficiencies in myself to forge ahead without some covering.
I'll probably just continue to post other ideas and dreams for ministry to artists as they come to me.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Saturday, January 22, 2005
A long time coming (the sequel)
Picking up where I left off last time...
We arrived home in Marion after vacation at around 11:30 pm, grabbed a few hours of sleep and then led worship the next morning. Since we hadn't had a chance to rehearse a group, Amy and I led with Christer Lagerqvist on percussion in a more scaled-down, acoustic setting. We enjoyed leading and the congregation seemed to enjoy the change of pace from the full band (more on that later).
Tim's sermon was on vision in regards to the future of Hanfield, but so much of it confirmed what we had been feeling over the previous week. I had been feeling out of step with the vision of the church for a few years and even the vision statement and core values that had been stated last summer didn't really connect with me since they seem to be somewhat of a rehashing of where we've been before.
Tim said that when the vision "runs out," we have to choices: to go back or to "go west." To go back means to try to recreate and relive past vision. While the new vision and values seem to rehash old ground, I do not believe that they are an attempt by the church to relive the "glory days." I think that they are an accurate indicator of who we are as a congregation and serve as the foundation upon which the church builds.
In Acts 16, Paul was on a missionary journey when he ran out of real estate. He had gone to Troaz which basically left him the options of going back to where he'd already been or to get on a ship and "go west." The "go west" statement took Amy and me by surprise and caused knowing looks and "inside joke" smiles. The irony of what Tim was saying in regards to where we felt God was leading was just too humorous for us, but continued to provide confirmation as well.
He went on to say that in vision:
1) Timing is important
2) Confirmation is a must
3) Tests will come
Again, this spoke to what we were feeling. Timing has never been a strength for me. I always want to move from vision to reality at the fastest possible speed. Making sure we don't get ahead of God is just one of the things we're concerned about. Now, God's grace is sufficient to cover our mistakes, but we'd really like to get it right and be obedient. We're still not sure of the timing several weeks later, but we are feeling an urgency.
Over the last few weeks, confirmation has continued to come at a steady pace. Evidence from the January 2nd services was there beyond the sermon. We felt as though things went well and that the congregation was fairly receptive to a more acoustic, scaled down approach to worship. Some of the feedback I got revealed exactly the opposite. We were pretty heavily criticized by one person in particular who had also asked for the impressions of a couple of other people before reporting to us. Made me wonder, yet again, if we are still a good fit for the church.
Confirmation has also been present in meetings, it's been present in conversations, it's been present in counsel that we have sought and it's been present in communication with God. Things that I have thought about have been rearticulated by others in conversations by people who know what we're working through and people who don't. It's becoming more and more clear that the kind of people I have a heart to reach are not really on the map for the church as a whole. I do believe that the church has a heart for lost people and a vision for reaching lost people, so this is not a criticism of the church, just a recognition that my vision may not be the same as that of the church. That's fairly solid confirmation in itself.
In terms of tests, we've already experienced a lot of questioning of where to go and when. It's not like we have jobs waiting for us on the other side of this and each day that we stay here, it gets a little easier to question whether this "new vision" is from God or just wishful thinking on my part. Writing this stuff down over the past few days has helped to solidify the calling to Sioux Falls in my mind. I'll probably write about some vision things that I've got in mind in another post in the next week or so.
There's also been the test of faith. If we packed up and moved without a house, without jobs, without any certainty of provision, do we really believe that God would take care of us? Intellectually, I say "yes" because I know that's the right answer. Since I haven't actually taken any steps to move in that direction, I have to wonder. When we moved here, it was very much by faith. The main differences this time around are that we had some income lined up last time, we had two less children, no mortgage, less monthly bills... The circumstances have changed, but God hasn't. I feel fairly certain that we will make the move (jobs or not), but it all comes back to timing.
I seem to have lost any kind of cohesive thought or writing style, so I think I'll let that suffice for this chapter of things. I'm hoping to be a little more frequent in writing, so we'll see what else comes out over the next few weeks.
Peace.
We arrived home in Marion after vacation at around 11:30 pm, grabbed a few hours of sleep and then led worship the next morning. Since we hadn't had a chance to rehearse a group, Amy and I led with Christer Lagerqvist on percussion in a more scaled-down, acoustic setting. We enjoyed leading and the congregation seemed to enjoy the change of pace from the full band (more on that later).
Tim's sermon was on vision in regards to the future of Hanfield, but so much of it confirmed what we had been feeling over the previous week. I had been feeling out of step with the vision of the church for a few years and even the vision statement and core values that had been stated last summer didn't really connect with me since they seem to be somewhat of a rehashing of where we've been before.
Tim said that when the vision "runs out," we have to choices: to go back or to "go west." To go back means to try to recreate and relive past vision. While the new vision and values seem to rehash old ground, I do not believe that they are an attempt by the church to relive the "glory days." I think that they are an accurate indicator of who we are as a congregation and serve as the foundation upon which the church builds.
In Acts 16, Paul was on a missionary journey when he ran out of real estate. He had gone to Troaz which basically left him the options of going back to where he'd already been or to get on a ship and "go west." The "go west" statement took Amy and me by surprise and caused knowing looks and "inside joke" smiles. The irony of what Tim was saying in regards to where we felt God was leading was just too humorous for us, but continued to provide confirmation as well.
He went on to say that in vision:
1) Timing is important
2) Confirmation is a must
3) Tests will come
Again, this spoke to what we were feeling. Timing has never been a strength for me. I always want to move from vision to reality at the fastest possible speed. Making sure we don't get ahead of God is just one of the things we're concerned about. Now, God's grace is sufficient to cover our mistakes, but we'd really like to get it right and be obedient. We're still not sure of the timing several weeks later, but we are feeling an urgency.
Over the last few weeks, confirmation has continued to come at a steady pace. Evidence from the January 2nd services was there beyond the sermon. We felt as though things went well and that the congregation was fairly receptive to a more acoustic, scaled down approach to worship. Some of the feedback I got revealed exactly the opposite. We were pretty heavily criticized by one person in particular who had also asked for the impressions of a couple of other people before reporting to us. Made me wonder, yet again, if we are still a good fit for the church.
Confirmation has also been present in meetings, it's been present in conversations, it's been present in counsel that we have sought and it's been present in communication with God. Things that I have thought about have been rearticulated by others in conversations by people who know what we're working through and people who don't. It's becoming more and more clear that the kind of people I have a heart to reach are not really on the map for the church as a whole. I do believe that the church has a heart for lost people and a vision for reaching lost people, so this is not a criticism of the church, just a recognition that my vision may not be the same as that of the church. That's fairly solid confirmation in itself.
In terms of tests, we've already experienced a lot of questioning of where to go and when. It's not like we have jobs waiting for us on the other side of this and each day that we stay here, it gets a little easier to question whether this "new vision" is from God or just wishful thinking on my part. Writing this stuff down over the past few days has helped to solidify the calling to Sioux Falls in my mind. I'll probably write about some vision things that I've got in mind in another post in the next week or so.
There's also been the test of faith. If we packed up and moved without a house, without jobs, without any certainty of provision, do we really believe that God would take care of us? Intellectually, I say "yes" because I know that's the right answer. Since I haven't actually taken any steps to move in that direction, I have to wonder. When we moved here, it was very much by faith. The main differences this time around are that we had some income lined up last time, we had two less children, no mortgage, less monthly bills... The circumstances have changed, but God hasn't. I feel fairly certain that we will make the move (jobs or not), but it all comes back to timing.
I seem to have lost any kind of cohesive thought or writing style, so I think I'll let that suffice for this chapter of things. I'm hoping to be a little more frequent in writing, so we'll see what else comes out over the next few weeks.
Peace.
Friday, January 21, 2005
A long time coming
So... It's been over two months since I last wrote and I just reread my last post. I'd like to say that I'm less stressed than I was then and that my outlook has changed, but I find myself less stressed than I was then with an outlook very similar to what I had before.
A lot has happened in the last few months that has simply reinforced a lot of what I've been feeling of late and confirmed that it may be time to move on if I want to be involved in ministry that I can feel passionate about again. I still love my church. Still love the people I work with (staff and volunteer). Love the friends I have here more than I ever have... Hate the fact that I just don't like what I'm doing or what my future role in ministry would be.
I've been watching my role change into more of an administrative one over the last six months complete with the trappings of extra meetings, more responsibility for the performance of others and an increased sense that I'm to give myself for the sake of the institution (not an entirely accurate way to put it, but other terms for it escape me). I am finding less flexibility and more pressure while having to do things and be a part of decisions I don't want to be a part of.
In talking with Keith Conner last week he said, "We do all of this teaching about people doing what they're passionate about and using their spiritual gifts in ministry, but when it comes to our staff it doesn't seem to apply." I'd have to agree that I'm being asked to operate in areas that I am not gifted in and certainly in areas I'm not passionate about.
Add to that the fact that the satellite campus idea seems to continue to drift further and further from where my heart is. That's not to say that the idea of a video venue campus for Hanfield is the wrong way to go, I just don't see it as having any meaningful ministry to unchurched people in our community. I think it would become just one more option on the menu of the church community for people that are seeking to feed their selfish appetites for the church of the moment untill they get sick of eating there and decide they'd rather taste what the Wesleyans/Baptists/other Methodists... are serving. A bit condemning? Yes. The point of hyperbole is to state the exaggerated case in order to make a point.
So, where does that leave me? Let's rehash the vacation I got back from a few weeks ago:
After pouring ourselves into "A Christmas Tale" at the Hostess House and all of the other activities surrounding Advent at Hanfield, we packed up the kids and drove the 12.5 hours home to visit family on Dec. 19th (I didn't even need to consult the calendar that's how much I was looking forward to this vacation). We spent a few days with my folks in northwest Iowa watching birds, opening presents, visiting with grandparents (who I wound up seeing for about 4 hours total in 2004) and just enjoying a few days of recharging before what we anticipated would be the most stressfull part of the trip.
Dec. 23rd we left for Mitchell, SD for a family portrait with Amy's Dad's family, complete with step-brother Brian, step-sister Brenda and Brenda's boyfriend of ten years, Brad. We hadn't seen the 3 B's in about five years and on that particular occasion, we pretty much kept to ourselves and they pretty much kept to themselves. I looked with tremendous condescension on their smoking, drinking and general behavior and they probably (rightly) judged me to be a pretentious, religious snob.
Well, things were going to be different this time. All three are post Christian, white collar professionals in Arizona and California and really represent the kind of people that God has been giving me a heart for. I was determined to treat them with genuine respect and love and just let things fall where they may.
First thing we had to do was the picture which was a little awkward after not even seeing each other for several years. We all made the best of it and of the family reunion that we had that night with a lot of everybody's family that we had never met.
After the reunion, we went back and put the kids to bed and then took the 3 B's to the bar. We had worked it out with Amy's dad to go out that night to see our roommate from college, Lloyd, and his band playing at a bar in town and promoted it as a "bonding time" for us with the 3 B's. They were rather impressed that we had a sanctioned trip to the bar as a part of our holiday itinerary and decided I was probably alright. We had a great time and I think we were really at ease with each other from that point on.
Next day, we did the present thing, Christmas Eve service (without the 3 B's) and just kind of hung out. Christmas Day we stayed for dinner and then drove to Amy's mom's (more on that later). As we drove out of Mitchell, Amy talked about her impressions of how things went over what could have been a highly stressful, confrontational visit. I shared with her that I was ecstatic with how things went. I felt like we showed Brian, Brenda and Brad that we were happy to be able to be with them for a couple of days, that we are genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives and that we love them as they are. I think we were able to build new relationships with them that will hopefully help us stay closer to them (even though we're half a country away) and might even allow us the opportunity to continue in conversation with them about the reality of God. We had none of those conversations during our three days together, but we couldn't without relationship without becoming the pretentious, judgmental people we had been when we saw them last.
The road from Mitchell led us to Yankton, SD and Amy's mom and step-dad Jim. I always look forward to this part of the trip because I love Jim and Marilyn immensely, the view of the Missouri River above the dam is beautiful (even if you are stuck looking at Nebraska) and there is always good beer. Jim always takes care of me. We had a case of Fat Tire to work on as well as a stout and a brown from a Kansas City micro-brewer to work on over the course of five days.
Unfortunately, I got sick the first night. I felt a headache coming on shortly after we arrived and tried to get rid of it with some Excedrin at supper (killer white chili that Jim made and, of course, beer). As the night wore on I felt worse and worse. The headache got more intense and didn't seem to be slowing down. Finally, as I was watching the Broncos beat up on the Titans, I had the realization that it wasn't going anywhere until I threw up. I waited until the Broncos scored in the second quarter and decided that was as good a time as any to revisit the white chili and beer in the bathroom. Jim's response was, "Hey, that was good chili!" I wound up spending the night on the leather love seat on the first floor for the night where I was able to welcome Casey (Amy's brother) and his family when they got there about 11:30 that night.
I woke the next morning feeling significantly better, but very weak from extended purging of my system the previous night and decided that everybody should go to church without me. Once they left I got out Casey's guitar and had my life changed.
My weakened voice called out in desperate worship of God, cracking and breaking like I had been over the last few months. I pushed through and broke into spontaneous prayer song as I told God what little I knew of Him and how much I needed more of Him. I poured frustration at the foot of the cross, and lay facedown in my unworthiness before the One that perfects the word "worthy." In the midst of this moment I told God again how I wished he would just release me from ministry at Hanfield and had been saying, "Here am I, send me." for months. Finally, I sensed Him say "Go." I was a bit surprised and also a bit concerned that it was my voice and not His. I asked God to drown out any voice but His own and heard again, "Go."
After more prayer, I opened the Bible to the Psalms. I read Psalm 98. "Sing to the Lord a new song..." It seemed appropriate. I read Psalm 99. In verses six and seven it says that Moses, Aaron and Samuel called on his name and he answered them! I prayed, "Lord, I know that I am not in the same league as Moses, Aaron and Samuel, but I'm praying for You to answer me like You did them. I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and I don't know what to do." I heard Him say, "Jump." Again, I prayed for all other voices to be silenced and asked what I should do. Again, He said, "Jump."
Over the course of the vacation I had found myself thinking a lot about Sioux Falls, SD. It's a small city of about 160-170 thousand people, a lot of growth with 20 somethings and a decent arts community. It is one of the few places in the area that the kind of ministry that I'd been dreaming of might actually have a good chance of succeeding. I asked where this jump might take us and Sioux Falls again was fixed firmly in my mind.
I decided to wait before talking to anyone about what was going on and we had a great time with family that day after church. My appetite returned and I was glad to tackle the steak and ale that was placed before me that night.
3:30 am. I woke from a dream, grabbed my pencil and journal and headed to the bathroom (the only place where I could turn on a light so I could see what I was doing without running the risk of waking somebody up. I did my best to put the dream on paper so that I could remember it. I don't know if it was God speaking to me again or not, but I wanted to remember as much as I could so I could wrestle with it in the morning. I don't have my journal here, but the gist of it was that we were at Hanfield and someone from the church came up to me and said, "I have been really blessed by your ministry here, but sometimes to take the easy road is to forsake Christ." That is when I woke up. Once I had it on paper, I went back to bed and tried to get some more rest.
As I spent time with God that morning, I really questioned whether the "easy road" was to stay or to leave. I really got the sense that the "easy road" was to stay at Hanfield.
I finally began the conversation with Amy that day. Now, we had had conversations over the last few years where I expressed a restlessness and wondered if it was time to move on. She had never been very receptive. When we were called into ministry, God called both of us, so I knew that as long as she didn't feel ready to leave that we were not released to go. She was, in a sense, the first litmus test for me as to whether we were truly being called away or not. I expected her to be hesitant, to pray about it over time and eventually to either confirm or deny that release. To my surprise, she immediately said, "I could move closer to home."
The rest of the vacation was filled with dreaming, planning, confessing that we were afraid, but with a resolve that we were going to go to Sioux Falls.
We went back to my mom and dad's for a few days where we were able to see my sister and her girls before we drove back on New Year's Day.
It occurs to me that I've been writing for an hour and a half, so I think I'll save the rest for another sitting. There's a lot that has happened since the first of the year in terms of vision, work and life in general and I want to be sure to get it all down, just not now.
A lot has happened in the last few months that has simply reinforced a lot of what I've been feeling of late and confirmed that it may be time to move on if I want to be involved in ministry that I can feel passionate about again. I still love my church. Still love the people I work with (staff and volunteer). Love the friends I have here more than I ever have... Hate the fact that I just don't like what I'm doing or what my future role in ministry would be.
I've been watching my role change into more of an administrative one over the last six months complete with the trappings of extra meetings, more responsibility for the performance of others and an increased sense that I'm to give myself for the sake of the institution (not an entirely accurate way to put it, but other terms for it escape me). I am finding less flexibility and more pressure while having to do things and be a part of decisions I don't want to be a part of.
In talking with Keith Conner last week he said, "We do all of this teaching about people doing what they're passionate about and using their spiritual gifts in ministry, but when it comes to our staff it doesn't seem to apply." I'd have to agree that I'm being asked to operate in areas that I am not gifted in and certainly in areas I'm not passionate about.
Add to that the fact that the satellite campus idea seems to continue to drift further and further from where my heart is. That's not to say that the idea of a video venue campus for Hanfield is the wrong way to go, I just don't see it as having any meaningful ministry to unchurched people in our community. I think it would become just one more option on the menu of the church community for people that are seeking to feed their selfish appetites for the church of the moment untill they get sick of eating there and decide they'd rather taste what the Wesleyans/Baptists/other Methodists... are serving. A bit condemning? Yes. The point of hyperbole is to state the exaggerated case in order to make a point.
So, where does that leave me? Let's rehash the vacation I got back from a few weeks ago:
After pouring ourselves into "A Christmas Tale" at the Hostess House and all of the other activities surrounding Advent at Hanfield, we packed up the kids and drove the 12.5 hours home to visit family on Dec. 19th (I didn't even need to consult the calendar that's how much I was looking forward to this vacation). We spent a few days with my folks in northwest Iowa watching birds, opening presents, visiting with grandparents (who I wound up seeing for about 4 hours total in 2004) and just enjoying a few days of recharging before what we anticipated would be the most stressfull part of the trip.
Dec. 23rd we left for Mitchell, SD for a family portrait with Amy's Dad's family, complete with step-brother Brian, step-sister Brenda and Brenda's boyfriend of ten years, Brad. We hadn't seen the 3 B's in about five years and on that particular occasion, we pretty much kept to ourselves and they pretty much kept to themselves. I looked with tremendous condescension on their smoking, drinking and general behavior and they probably (rightly) judged me to be a pretentious, religious snob.
Well, things were going to be different this time. All three are post Christian, white collar professionals in Arizona and California and really represent the kind of people that God has been giving me a heart for. I was determined to treat them with genuine respect and love and just let things fall where they may.
First thing we had to do was the picture which was a little awkward after not even seeing each other for several years. We all made the best of it and of the family reunion that we had that night with a lot of everybody's family that we had never met.
After the reunion, we went back and put the kids to bed and then took the 3 B's to the bar. We had worked it out with Amy's dad to go out that night to see our roommate from college, Lloyd, and his band playing at a bar in town and promoted it as a "bonding time" for us with the 3 B's. They were rather impressed that we had a sanctioned trip to the bar as a part of our holiday itinerary and decided I was probably alright. We had a great time and I think we were really at ease with each other from that point on.
Next day, we did the present thing, Christmas Eve service (without the 3 B's) and just kind of hung out. Christmas Day we stayed for dinner and then drove to Amy's mom's (more on that later). As we drove out of Mitchell, Amy talked about her impressions of how things went over what could have been a highly stressful, confrontational visit. I shared with her that I was ecstatic with how things went. I felt like we showed Brian, Brenda and Brad that we were happy to be able to be with them for a couple of days, that we are genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives and that we love them as they are. I think we were able to build new relationships with them that will hopefully help us stay closer to them (even though we're half a country away) and might even allow us the opportunity to continue in conversation with them about the reality of God. We had none of those conversations during our three days together, but we couldn't without relationship without becoming the pretentious, judgmental people we had been when we saw them last.
The road from Mitchell led us to Yankton, SD and Amy's mom and step-dad Jim. I always look forward to this part of the trip because I love Jim and Marilyn immensely, the view of the Missouri River above the dam is beautiful (even if you are stuck looking at Nebraska) and there is always good beer. Jim always takes care of me. We had a case of Fat Tire to work on as well as a stout and a brown from a Kansas City micro-brewer to work on over the course of five days.
Unfortunately, I got sick the first night. I felt a headache coming on shortly after we arrived and tried to get rid of it with some Excedrin at supper (killer white chili that Jim made and, of course, beer). As the night wore on I felt worse and worse. The headache got more intense and didn't seem to be slowing down. Finally, as I was watching the Broncos beat up on the Titans, I had the realization that it wasn't going anywhere until I threw up. I waited until the Broncos scored in the second quarter and decided that was as good a time as any to revisit the white chili and beer in the bathroom. Jim's response was, "Hey, that was good chili!" I wound up spending the night on the leather love seat on the first floor for the night where I was able to welcome Casey (Amy's brother) and his family when they got there about 11:30 that night.
I woke the next morning feeling significantly better, but very weak from extended purging of my system the previous night and decided that everybody should go to church without me. Once they left I got out Casey's guitar and had my life changed.
My weakened voice called out in desperate worship of God, cracking and breaking like I had been over the last few months. I pushed through and broke into spontaneous prayer song as I told God what little I knew of Him and how much I needed more of Him. I poured frustration at the foot of the cross, and lay facedown in my unworthiness before the One that perfects the word "worthy." In the midst of this moment I told God again how I wished he would just release me from ministry at Hanfield and had been saying, "Here am I, send me." for months. Finally, I sensed Him say "Go." I was a bit surprised and also a bit concerned that it was my voice and not His. I asked God to drown out any voice but His own and heard again, "Go."
After more prayer, I opened the Bible to the Psalms. I read Psalm 98. "Sing to the Lord a new song..." It seemed appropriate. I read Psalm 99. In verses six and seven it says that Moses, Aaron and Samuel called on his name and he answered them! I prayed, "Lord, I know that I am not in the same league as Moses, Aaron and Samuel, but I'm praying for You to answer me like You did them. I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and I don't know what to do." I heard Him say, "Jump." Again, I prayed for all other voices to be silenced and asked what I should do. Again, He said, "Jump."
Over the course of the vacation I had found myself thinking a lot about Sioux Falls, SD. It's a small city of about 160-170 thousand people, a lot of growth with 20 somethings and a decent arts community. It is one of the few places in the area that the kind of ministry that I'd been dreaming of might actually have a good chance of succeeding. I asked where this jump might take us and Sioux Falls again was fixed firmly in my mind.
I decided to wait before talking to anyone about what was going on and we had a great time with family that day after church. My appetite returned and I was glad to tackle the steak and ale that was placed before me that night.
3:30 am. I woke from a dream, grabbed my pencil and journal and headed to the bathroom (the only place where I could turn on a light so I could see what I was doing without running the risk of waking somebody up. I did my best to put the dream on paper so that I could remember it. I don't know if it was God speaking to me again or not, but I wanted to remember as much as I could so I could wrestle with it in the morning. I don't have my journal here, but the gist of it was that we were at Hanfield and someone from the church came up to me and said, "I have been really blessed by your ministry here, but sometimes to take the easy road is to forsake Christ." That is when I woke up. Once I had it on paper, I went back to bed and tried to get some more rest.
As I spent time with God that morning, I really questioned whether the "easy road" was to stay or to leave. I really got the sense that the "easy road" was to stay at Hanfield.
I finally began the conversation with Amy that day. Now, we had had conversations over the last few years where I expressed a restlessness and wondered if it was time to move on. She had never been very receptive. When we were called into ministry, God called both of us, so I knew that as long as she didn't feel ready to leave that we were not released to go. She was, in a sense, the first litmus test for me as to whether we were truly being called away or not. I expected her to be hesitant, to pray about it over time and eventually to either confirm or deny that release. To my surprise, she immediately said, "I could move closer to home."
The rest of the vacation was filled with dreaming, planning, confessing that we were afraid, but with a resolve that we were going to go to Sioux Falls.
We went back to my mom and dad's for a few days where we were able to see my sister and her girls before we drove back on New Year's Day.
It occurs to me that I've been writing for an hour and a half, so I think I'll save the rest for another sitting. There's a lot that has happened since the first of the year in terms of vision, work and life in general and I want to be sure to get it all down, just not now.
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