This week has been extraordinarily long for me. Yeah, I had a birthday and a job interview which made for two fairly significant events and this weekend I get to hang out with my friends from back in the day, but I think I'm just anxious to get started on the job.
Three months of relative inactivity (some might call it rest) doesn't mesh with my personality as well as I would have originally thought. I find myself getting restless to be doing something, anything to feel like I'm a productive person. I know that God does not determine my value by what I do as much as by who I am. I don't believe that what I'm feeling has been motivated out of seeking to be "acceptable" to God. I believe it's been more fueled by the expectations that I know other people have for me. It's been good to have those expectations placed on me, to an extent, because I can slip from resting to laziness fairly easily. It's been hard to have the expectations though since it really didn't allow me to truly rest like I believe God was allowing.
I do sense that the season of rest is over. Perhaps I got more rest out of it than I think. Now I can look forward to a new job, new city, new church, new calling and new challenges.
My biggest fear in this season has been that I was not representing God well; that my "rest" might have appeared to be laziness or even a mild case of insanity. It's not a normal person who leaves a job they love with people they love to move 1000 miles and start from scratch because "God told me to." It's what happened to me though. I don't so much care for my reputation, because I believe I'll be around long enough to show my true character and that God will do something in all of this that will reveal that He is in the midst of all of this. I'm just wanting to get started.
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