Recent Musings on Direction

I've been reading Dallas Willard's "Hearing God" recently and have been thinking a lot about our current situation and what I'm actually supposed to be doing with my life. You know, light stuff. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels a lot lately with different ideas of what I could be doing. I've got a few ideas for articles or even books, song ideas and even more ministry ideas, but I hesitate to move because a great deal of it feels like me trying to invent my way out of my current job situation.

Now, I understand that God often moves in our ingenuity to produce what He desires, so it's not like I'm simply sitting back and waiting for explicit instruction from God on what I should do. I am seeking direction, but I believe that God is capable of redirecting my steps or correcting an ill advised course in order to place me where I should be. He's God. He can do that. It's that certainty that gives more courage to our steps when we feel like we aren't certain what to do. Our uncertainty can lead to incapacitation, much in the same way that our rashness can lead to disaster. It's a dance where if we step in the wrong place at the wrong time it can be as bad as if we stand stone cold.

One thought that occurred to me as I read this morning is how much I value myself. I feel like I have gifts, abilities and experience that could be put to much better use than my current situation allows. Many of the ideas that I have for projects right now are motivated by my self-perceived usefulness.

All of that flies in the face of something that I know intellectually, but is having a hard time taking root in my heart: God doesn't need me to accomplish what He wants to accomplish. If God needed me, He wouldn't be God. If He is not all sufficient, complete in and of Himself, He is not who He says He is in Scripture. My importance is dependent upon His glory, not the other way around.

At the same time, God desires me deeply, loves me immeasurably and wants my heart to beat in rhythm with His. He is shaping me for whatever purpose He has. Do I think that He is done with me and that I am no longer of any use? Of course not. Do I think He will waste my gifts, abilities and experience by putting me in places I can never use them again. No. Do I think He might be bringing other gifts and abilities to the fore by giving me experiences that make me more fit for the future He has designed me for. Almost certainly.

That hope doesn't preclude the fact that at 3:30 pm today I will go to a job I have no interest in for a company I don't really care about to do a task that I'm not especially gifted for. "These light and momentary troubles" is a phrase that comes to mind often, but my definition of momentary is well off the mark in these circumstances.