I've been a little quiet of late. Lots going on, I just haven't had the urge, energy and opportunity to write all line up. I have to admit that right now only the opportunity is there, but I'm hoping that writing something now may get the ball rolling again.
On the jobfront:
I accepted a position today that would start on Sept. 6th. I still have some other resumes out, but needed to get the ball rolling as we're still living in Yankton and our money has run out.
On the homefront:
We've put in an offer on a place in Sioux Falls and are waiting to hear back from the seller. We're needing to do a rent to own deal since our place in Marion hasn't sold yet. There is an open house coming up for our home which we're hoping will generate something. We dropped the price (again) a few weeks ago in hopes of generating some interest, but haven't heard anything yet.
On the ministry front:
We're beginning to get a clearer vision for a ministry to artists in Sioux Falls. It scares me. It's huge. It will take time. It will take effort. It will be beautiful. I may write more about it when I can talk about it with some passion. Right now I'm just running on fumes.
On the God front:
I have been dealing with a fair amount of depression lately that finally spilled out on my ride yesterday. I've gone from feeling focused and passionate, to feeling absolutely alone and hopeless several times in the last few weeks. It finally hit a low point on Sunday for me and I felt helpless to do anything about it or to talk about it. I think it was a combination of resignation, continued rejection, frustration and refinement coming to a head.
I took a long ride yesterday morning and took the opportunity to lament a bit. Do you know how hard it is to keep a decent rhythm going on the bike when you are sobbing? I do. I had a Psalmist's prayer session trying to deal as honestly with God as I knew how. I told Him that I've just been trying to do what He has told me to do and that I'm depressed, confused and frustrated with what has been happening. I have felt isolated from Him as I've sought direction on jobs, houses and everything else over the last few months. I sensed Him telling me, "I am with you." I felt reassurance even though I'm struggling through this process. It gave me great opportunity to reflect on the fact that I'm being recreated (more on that process later).
I am just beginning to realize that I'm beginning to grieve the death of who I've been as God recreates me. I have grieved friends, the loss of a job and so many other things, bit I hadn't given any thought to the fact that I would mourn the loss of identity, certainty and clarity that I had before this whole adventure started. I'm no longer hoping for the "rainbows and lollipops" version of the story of this new calling. I'm just hoping to be on the other side of the story soon.
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