On my ride this morning I had some time to think about where things are headed and how things seem a little stalled right now on the job front. I've had contact with a few churches about worship positions but get discouraged when they don't want to enter into immediate courtship. Granted, they are Baptist churches and I'm coming from a Methodist background which can mean any number of things but is usually not a positive association in this area of the country, so I can understand their hesitation. I'm just not finding much else to apply for that I'm qualified for or interested in. I had sent 16 applications out the week before we left for Indiana, but I'm having trouble finding much of anything to apply for right now.
As I was working through all of this in prayer this morning, I got the sense that God was saying that I needed to stop trying so hard and to trust Him more. Now, I've already trusted Him to the point where I've left my job, moved my family 1000 miles and pretty much tapped out our bank account so that we're having to live off of the goodwill of friends and family. That's pretty trusting, but God wants to teach me more.
One of our songs at camp last week was "All I Need is You." I have an idea of what that means, but I think God wants to get me past the idea and into the reality of it. I think He wants to get me beyond the "Okay, I know all I need is You, so I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing and trust that You're going to open the right door" stage that I find myself in. I think He wants to bring me to a new point of reliance on Him that I've only gotten glimpses of through Scripture and the lives of some of those that I've done life with but have never experienced for myself.
I realize right now that I am completely at His mercy. I've been given opportunity to walk away from this calling but haven't wanted to. At the same time, I've been unwilling/unable to trust fully and embrace this calling with everything I have. My pride as a husband and son-in-law finds me wanting to make something happen to prove to everybody that I can provide for my family and that I wasn't a complete lunatic for making this move. I find myself saying that I am willing to take just about anything in order to get into the community of Sioux Falls so we can begin to pursue the calling, but then find that I am unable to get some of the jobs that I thought I'd have no problem at least getting an interview for.
God, I need You to build in me that which I am lacking. I can't quite see exactly what it is You are trying to teach me. Give me the 101 course on trust if that's what is needed. I'm hearing what you're saying, but like the disciples, I need You to tell me what it actually means. Soften my heart, open my ears, open my eyes and remake me. Amen.
1 comment:
Without looking any of this up, the first thing that comes to mind is Abrahm... God told him to go, and made the covenant to make him father of nations... I'm pretty sure there was a nice time gap between the going, and the birth of Isaac--the initial sign of God's faithfulness to maintain the covenant. I know it's easy to point out from the confines of my all too comfy atmosphere--but jes hang tight... I'm excited to see what's coming your way, and I must admit that I'm a bit taken by your situation... you're where I want to be: www.xanga.com/FrogJD2 (Aug. 7th entry... Prayin' for ya!
Post a Comment