A Definite Turn

"Stop acting like you don't know Me. Stop acting like you can't hear what I'm telling you to do. Stop running." -God (over the last 24 hours)

The light seems to be coming on and I feel a confidence I haven't had in awhile.

I haven't written much of late because we've been in the process of considering a church job with a local Wesleyan church and I didn't feel definite enough about anything to really document all of the twists and turns in our path. I started off somewhat optimistic that this might be my rescue from my current employer. I met with the Senior Pastor and really enjoyed meeting him and some of the other folks at the church over the next few weeks in what would more or less be preliminary interviews.

The church itself is in the midst of a building project and would like to expand their service styles from two blended services (which they currently have) to one traditional, one blended and one contemporary. Not an ideal fit for my more progressive tendencies, but all doable. I found myself wavering between wanting to want to do it and not wanting to do it at all. There never was a point where I really felt excited about the prospect (should have been a clue).

Amy threw out the possibility of maybe considering the job herself. I initially shot her down (my male ego made a pretty clumsy appearance) but eventually we started talking about it as a real possibility.

Things continued to progress and last weekend was sort of the next big test. We had been invited to attend a service and go out to eat with the Pastor afterward. We hoped the experience would give us some strong indicators of whether we were to pursue it or not. Amy returned from a trip to Des Moines over the weekend and took her hat out of the ring which made it a little easier to focus on considering the service in terms of my gifts and passions.

The service was good. Rough, but good. They've got quite a few musicians that just need some direction. It honestly was probably the first blended service that I've ever been in where it didn't feel like the contemporary and traditional elements were at war with each other. We met a lot more great people and even saw a guy from the day shift from my department at work that sits about 15 feet from me for the first few hours of my shift. Lunch was good, but we still left with some uncertainty.

I was on both sides of the fence on the issue for most of Sunday and all of Monday. I found myself stressed and irritable all day and did my best to keep from having it spill over at home and at work. I recognized it was something I was just going to have to work through.

On my way home from work that night, I was praying and the above statements sort of give the gist of what God was telling me. I've been walking around in a state of confusion because I really have been doubting how well I've been hearing God of late. What if He doesn't communicate in the same ways to me anymore? What do I do if God doesn't give me some clear direction? Do I take a ministry job with a church that I'm not sure I'm on board with or am I supposed to do something else.

When God began to speak, He impressed on me that I shouldn't doubt my communication with Him so much. He's been speaking, I just have been so uncertain as to whether it was Him or not that I haven't been responding to Him. He reminded me that He is constant and told me to trust my relationship and communication with Him.

I knew before I went to bed last night that I wouldn't take the job (not that it's actually been offered yet). My next step is to talk to the Pastor and let him know. They had been hoping to bring us in to lead worship sometime in February, but I really wanted to make a decision before then if at all possible. It should be easier for them to commence their search if I step out earlier rather than later.

So, where does that leave us? For the moment, right where we are. Not the greatest place in the world. Money has been tight, we've been stressed and we've felt fairly listless in our inability to see any forward progress. But something is ahead. I know it.