Internal or External?

I went for an intermediate ride of about 40 miles this morning; long enough to not worry about having to go too fast, short enough to want to keep from going too slow. I've been riding fairly strongly of late and was very surprised when I didn't feel good on the bike today.

About the time I hit Crofton, Nebraska I began to wonder if the reason I was struggling today was internal or external. Was it the lack of a good night's sleep, mental fatigue or just a bad day physically, or was it the hills, the wind, the heat and bad roads conspiring to keep me on the bike for as long as possible?

I started thinking about Job. Not because I am feeling like Job, just because the book of Job is a study in internal causes vs. external causes for the difficulties of life. Job's friends are convinced that Job's problems are because of something inside him that is causing God to pass judgment on him. Job knows that's not the case and is trying to get those around him to realize that it is possible that our problems can be the result of something outside of our behavior.

Now, granted, there is definitely consequence to sin. When you have sex outside of marriage, you run the risk of unwanted pregnancy, venereal diseases, emotional hurt... But sometimes, through no fault of their own, a married woman becomes pregnant by an abusive husband, gets vd from an unfaithful spouse or a spouse that was sexually active before marriage or struggles with the emotional hurt of molestation as a child. I'm not necessarily speaking of sex for any particular reason other than that it came to mind as an easy illustration.

I've been wondering whether my job situation is being dictated totally by external circumstances or if there's a reason inside of me that is contributing to my inability to get a job. Could I be doing more? Is a fear of change causing me to hold back when I get close? Am I too picky in what I will accept as an acceptable job? I believe that God called us here, but sometimes the difficulty of trusting God is that you feel helpless when you have to wait for Him. I keep finding myself wondering what else I could be doing to jump start this whole thing and then find myself wondering whether God is testing me to see if I'll trust Him with everything if nothing comes up soon.

I don't know if any of this ties together or if it was just the wanderings of a tired mind in a suffering body. Turns out the ride was a little bit internal and a little bit external.