Picking up where I left off last time...
We arrived home in Marion after vacation at around 11:30 pm, grabbed a few hours of sleep and then led worship the next morning. Since we hadn't had a chance to rehearse a group, Amy and I led with Christer Lagerqvist on percussion in a more scaled-down, acoustic setting. We enjoyed leading and the congregation seemed to enjoy the change of pace from the full band (more on that later).
Tim's sermon was on vision in regards to the future of Hanfield, but so much of it confirmed what we had been feeling over the previous week. I had been feeling out of step with the vision of the church for a few years and even the vision statement and core values that had been stated last summer didn't really connect with me since they seem to be somewhat of a rehashing of where we've been before.
Tim said that when the vision "runs out," we have to choices: to go back or to "go west." To go back means to try to recreate and relive past vision. While the new vision and values seem to rehash old ground, I do not believe that they are an attempt by the church to relive the "glory days." I think that they are an accurate indicator of who we are as a congregation and serve as the foundation upon which the church builds.
In Acts 16, Paul was on a missionary journey when he ran out of real estate. He had gone to Troaz which basically left him the options of going back to where he'd already been or to get on a ship and "go west." The "go west" statement took Amy and me by surprise and caused knowing looks and "inside joke" smiles. The irony of what Tim was saying in regards to where we felt God was leading was just too humorous for us, but continued to provide confirmation as well.
He went on to say that in vision:
1) Timing is important
2) Confirmation is a must
3) Tests will come
Again, this spoke to what we were feeling. Timing has never been a strength for me. I always want to move from vision to reality at the fastest possible speed. Making sure we don't get ahead of God is just one of the things we're concerned about. Now, God's grace is sufficient to cover our mistakes, but we'd really like to get it right and be obedient. We're still not sure of the timing several weeks later, but we are feeling an urgency.
Over the last few weeks, confirmation has continued to come at a steady pace. Evidence from the January 2nd services was there beyond the sermon. We felt as though things went well and that the congregation was fairly receptive to a more acoustic, scaled down approach to worship. Some of the feedback I got revealed exactly the opposite. We were pretty heavily criticized by one person in particular who had also asked for the impressions of a couple of other people before reporting to us. Made me wonder, yet again, if we are still a good fit for the church.
Confirmation has also been present in meetings, it's been present in conversations, it's been present in counsel that we have sought and it's been present in communication with God. Things that I have thought about have been rearticulated by others in conversations by people who know what we're working through and people who don't. It's becoming more and more clear that the kind of people I have a heart to reach are not really on the map for the church as a whole. I do believe that the church has a heart for lost people and a vision for reaching lost people, so this is not a criticism of the church, just a recognition that my vision may not be the same as that of the church. That's fairly solid confirmation in itself.
In terms of tests, we've already experienced a lot of questioning of where to go and when. It's not like we have jobs waiting for us on the other side of this and each day that we stay here, it gets a little easier to question whether this "new vision" is from God or just wishful thinking on my part. Writing this stuff down over the past few days has helped to solidify the calling to Sioux Falls in my mind. I'll probably write about some vision things that I've got in mind in another post in the next week or so.
There's also been the test of faith. If we packed up and moved without a house, without jobs, without any certainty of provision, do we really believe that God would take care of us? Intellectually, I say "yes" because I know that's the right answer. Since I haven't actually taken any steps to move in that direction, I have to wonder. When we moved here, it was very much by faith. The main differences this time around are that we had some income lined up last time, we had two less children, no mortgage, less monthly bills... The circumstances have changed, but God hasn't. I feel fairly certain that we will make the move (jobs or not), but it all comes back to timing.
I seem to have lost any kind of cohesive thought or writing style, so I think I'll let that suffice for this chapter of things. I'm hoping to be a little more frequent in writing, so we'll see what else comes out over the next few weeks.
Peace.
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