Prayer request

I always find it hard to ask for prayer for myself. Whether it's the male ego or what, I don't know, but I recognize that I need prayer now. Amy and I have been leading worship at Mercy Church here in town since November. We've talked with Shel (our Lead Pastor) about needing to press more into charismatic expressions of corporate worship for several months now as a growth area for us personally. I have tried to be open to it and have looked at it as an opportunity to grow in the calling that God gave me as a worship leader, but it doesn't seem as though anything is happening.

Shel has been supportive and has even arranged for us to have some Sundays off to visit other congregations with more charismatic worship being done well in order for us to better understand what he's asking of us. This weekend will be the first time we visit somewhere else in order to take advantage of the opportunity, but ultimately I know that only one thing is going to help us get past this barrier and that is the power of the Holy Spirit.

I had the opportunity to worship by myself at the house tonight and found myself asking what happened to the guy that I was just two or three years ago that seemed so in tune with what God was doing and had no trouble pushing into those freer spaces in worship. I don't have any answers, but I know that without the anointing of the Holy Spirit, any attempts I make are going to fall flat. I also recognize that if I can't grow into this area, Mercy will need someone else to lead worship who can.

I feel myself battling fear, self consciousness and depression and ask for prayer that these voices would be silenced and that God would grow me in whatever ways He wants to so that I can do whatever it is He calls me to.

There's a lot bubbling under the surface for me, personally, and I haven't quite got a grip on everything that is going on in my spirit, but I do ask that you pray that the Spirit work in me in ways that are indisputably His own and that I would glorify God regardless of where this all goes.