I've been reading Stand Against the Wind by Erwin McManus over the last week and came across a thought that hadn't occurred to me before. We hear so much in worship circles about the need to be authentic in our presentation of worship so that we don't fall into the "happy, shiny people" cliche of contemporary worship. I haven't spent enough time thinking about how this emphasis on authenticity carries outside of the worship context.
McManus writes: "In our culture we have put an increasing value on authenticity and a decreasing focus on integrity. We have disdain for the pretentious and we long for anything that is real. But we mustn't romanticize authenticity. When calling for authenticity, we need to take seriously the brokenness of the human heart. If we're not careful, authentic can be the new word for arrogance. As long as you're true to yourself how can anyone fault you, right? Authenticity can establish a self-righteousness that justifies abuse."
This is a universal problem that displays its selfishness in ways that deny any kind of social responisibility for the "authentic" behavior of the individual. The desire to be an authentic individual can, therefore, cause behavior that destroys authentic community.
This is not to say that personal authenticity is not desirable, but it must be partnered with integrity and servanthood in order to fit the design that God intends. "Integrity is when the heart of God is joined with the heart of man." McManus writes. It has also been said that integrity is doing in secret what you would do in public. It is consistency in things large and small that spells out a person's integrity and reveals their true heart.
Ultimately, I believe that authenticity is intended to serve something other than ourselves. We are called to live fully integrated lives where what we say and do are consistent with our thoughts and emotions. When authenticity is partnered with integrity, it is not arrogant or self-serving and offers no excuse for the individual's behavior, because none is required.
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This is a difficult pill to swallow, for some. For me, the larger task as of late has been determining what is really authentic. I've realized that many times my authenticity has consisted of doing what was expected of me, rather than what I would have intuitively done. So, the moral dilemma: is it still being authentic when you do the "right" or acceptable thing, even when it's not what you wanted to do? Or further: is it even really the "right" thing when you do that? Sometimes the bigger part of being authentic is first figuring out who you are.
You know, I struggle with the same thing. One the one hand, I am so sick and tired of acting out of duty, even duties I strongly believe in! On the other hand, I am so disgusted with what's in my heart at times that inauthenticity seems to be the only considerate way to act towards others. When it comes to others, dishonest servanthood is preferable in a practical sense. But when it comes to God and myself, honesty wins everytime. But perhaps this is by design. Whether it comes to our own lives or the parables of Jesus, nothing makes sense in the absence of Christ. There seems to be no way around it, we have to be transformed by God so that the things we say and do not only come from the inside but also are loving and helpful. Personally, I intend to persevere in the tension with the hope that in my desperation, I will move towards Jesus. He is truly my only hope. And you know, I'm starting to think that perhaps this is not a bad spot after all. We cannot give up the search for authenticity. It's suicide. But let's not worship it either; it's not an end in itself. Let's continue to do what we know is good with a sincere prayer that God will indeed transform our hearts.
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