I just started a course through Sioux Falls Seminary a few weeks ago that is designed as a discipleship course for church staff and lay leaders. It wound up being sort of a last minute thing for me, but I knew that if I didn't grab the opportunity that it would be another year before anything like it came my way and that there are no guarantees that I would have the availability at a later date to engage in the process.
One of the things we were encouraged to do in the first session was to begin to work through a spiritual map of our lives in order to recognize and remember what God has done and to see what insights might be gained by a deeper exploration of our journey. A discussion that was launched from that exercise involved identifying someone that was instrumental in our walk and the impact that they had.
After a few days of reflection, there are several people that I could easily point to as having an impact. I've been blessed with a great family and have worked long term and short term with people in ministry to whom I owe an incredible debt of gratitude. But, if I had to pinpoint one person that has probably had the biggest impact on me in shaping my theology and philosophy of ministry I would have to say it is David Mullens.
David was a key part of the worship team at Hanfield UMC when I first started in ministry in 1997. He was a pastor who was serving in a role in the UMC's North Indiana Conference Office at the time and has since gone back into service in a local church. Whether intentional or not, David wound up being a mentor for me as I was an incredibly immature Christian called to lead a congregation in worship.
David's thoughtful intelligence and gentle patience with me as a young leader made for easy conversation on topics both theological and musical that gave me a deeper hunger to study and give further thought to whatever it was we discussed. He was also uniquely gifted at offering a word of correction when I made bad decisions or said something out of line (which I did quite a bit when I started in ministry). Rarely did I ever feel anger from any of those interactions, even when it would have been justified. Instead, it was a gentle rebuke from a friend that always gave opportunity for repentance and reconciliation.
I found over time that David's thoughtful consideration of Scripture, theology and ministry was the bench mark that I used in my own study and practice. There were many conversations that we had where I would address a topic that I'd given thought to just to see if it struck a similar chord in my friend and mentor. Even after he went back to serving as a pastor and I no longer had regular contact with him, I was always encouraged to discover that we were wrestling with some of the same topics and coming to similar conclusions.
Even though our interactions are much fewer now due to distance and life changes, I can still definitely sense David's influence in how I process this journey with God and what it means to live a faithful witness
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Refocusing
I've been giving some thought to the purpose of what I write here and realize that a purposeful refocusing of content is in order. This blog started as a means for me to sort through issues of theology, ministry and spiritual life. Since then it has gone through it's "newsletter" phase as we made a major move and this was a way for me to communicate with our friends and church family in Indiana and has barely survived many near deaths as time and responsibility made finding the time (let alone the purpose) to write nearly non-existent.
I am proposing to myself a return to the blog's roots. As I am engaging in a whole new realm of ministry (for me, anyway), I am finding a greater need to process through things I am experiencing and dreaming about doing in order to fulfill this new calling I have.
So, gone will be the days of the bike posts from this site (unless they have spiritual application). Fear not. They are not disappearing forever. They are simply moving here where they can take on a life of their own. My hope is that the less buckshot approach to writing in this space will help me to better focus my thoughts and bring greater continuity to the content that is found here.
My other hope is that I will find a little more freedom to write with a little more frequency. Time will tell...
I am proposing to myself a return to the blog's roots. As I am engaging in a whole new realm of ministry (for me, anyway), I am finding a greater need to process through things I am experiencing and dreaming about doing in order to fulfill this new calling I have.
So, gone will be the days of the bike posts from this site (unless they have spiritual application). Fear not. They are not disappearing forever. They are simply moving here where they can take on a life of their own. My hope is that the less buckshot approach to writing in this space will help me to better focus my thoughts and bring greater continuity to the content that is found here.
My other hope is that I will find a little more freedom to write with a little more frequency. Time will tell...
Friday, September 10, 2010
Prayer and Burritos
I had an amazing time in prayer this morning, but this isn't about that. I also had a great time in prayer at the church tonight, but this isn't about that either. This is about what happened in between.
I found myself up early to pray for the church (the aforementioned "amazing time in prayer") and decided that I might fast today as we were praying as a church for this weekend's Kick-Off Event. I decided instead to meditate on God's provision by only eating food if it was offered to me throughout the day.
I headed to the shop (sans breakfast) and settled into work. About an hour later, Darwin showed up with a cappuccino and a Taco John's breakfast burrito for me. I thanked God through every fresh, Tex Mex bite. I didn't tell Darwin what I was doing, but several hours later, when he went to lunch, he came back with two cheese and bean burritos from Taco Bell for me. While Taco Bell is clearly the inferior Mexican fast food choice, I was thankful nonetheless as God had provided yet again.
I shared the story with Amy after praying at the church tonight (the aforementioned "great time in prayer") and she seemed a little less than impressed. She said, "It's not exactly manna from heaven. So, you just ate burritos today?" To which I replied, "Burritos from heaven."
Living by Faith
There are days when I wonder if I've lost my mind. Thankfully, those days are coming with increasing frequency.
This year I have been called to step out of a part time ministry position that I began to see as an ill fit for my personality, gifting and leadership style. I've also gone from a sales position that had greater income potential for a position in the bike shop that freed my schedule up quite a bit. In the process, I was beginning to get a little comfortable. Life was becoming a little more predictable and manageable.
Then God moved.
I wasn't really looking for it, but God was presenting an opportunity to risk again and I feel alive like I haven't in a long, long time.
I was hanging out at home one night and decided to kill some time by looking at online ministry job resources. After checking a few sites I found a listing for a position that really caught my attention. The listing was for a part-time Small Group and Teams Coordinator position at Embrace, a fairly recent church plant in Sioux Falls.
I have been a worship leader since the day I started in ministry. I may have had other responsibilities, but they always revolved around worship arts. As I read the job description though, I sensed an awakening in my spirit. The burden that I have felt for years to help people engage in close, deep relationship with one another quickly rose to the surface and I recognized in this position, an opportunity to invest in helping that happen. I reached a point where I couldn't see not pursuing it.
As we began the conversation, I was really thinking that I would stay full time in the bike shop and the ministry job would be part time. My desire for security and my conventional wisdom was really working overtime. I mean, who leaves a good, stable, full time job with benefits in a depressed economy to pursue a part time ministry position? I worked and worked and worked it through how I could make it all work. Then the dam burst.
I was really wrestling through the options one night when I talked to my parents. I love and value the input of my Mom and Dad tremendously. Both have wisdom cultivated through years of experience and both are very careful to dispense advice (also a sign of wisdom). As I told them about some of the options that I was considering, my Mom said, "Maybe God is just helping you realize what's really important." I think that was the first salvo in what would eventually break apart my idol of security and free me to pursue living by faith again. I continued the conversation with Amy later that night. She pointed out some of the things that I probably would have to give up in trying to keep it all and I finally succumbed to the reality that I could not do it all. I had to decide what was really important.
I went into my final discussion with Adam, resolved that if the position was offered to me, I would take it and would go part time at the store knowing we would be taking a big pay cut and would have no benefits. I felt such a peace about the idea that I was almost more relieved than excited when Adam asked me to come on board. It felt like the culmination of a season of searching for where I belong.
So, much like when we left Indiana with no jobs and no housing with just a belief that this was the road we were to travel, we find ourselves trusting that God is leading and knowing that we want to follow.
This year I have been called to step out of a part time ministry position that I began to see as an ill fit for my personality, gifting and leadership style. I've also gone from a sales position that had greater income potential for a position in the bike shop that freed my schedule up quite a bit. In the process, I was beginning to get a little comfortable. Life was becoming a little more predictable and manageable.
Then God moved.
I wasn't really looking for it, but God was presenting an opportunity to risk again and I feel alive like I haven't in a long, long time.
I was hanging out at home one night and decided to kill some time by looking at online ministry job resources. After checking a few sites I found a listing for a position that really caught my attention. The listing was for a part-time Small Group and Teams Coordinator position at Embrace, a fairly recent church plant in Sioux Falls.
I have been a worship leader since the day I started in ministry. I may have had other responsibilities, but they always revolved around worship arts. As I read the job description though, I sensed an awakening in my spirit. The burden that I have felt for years to help people engage in close, deep relationship with one another quickly rose to the surface and I recognized in this position, an opportunity to invest in helping that happen. I reached a point where I couldn't see not pursuing it.
As we began the conversation, I was really thinking that I would stay full time in the bike shop and the ministry job would be part time. My desire for security and my conventional wisdom was really working overtime. I mean, who leaves a good, stable, full time job with benefits in a depressed economy to pursue a part time ministry position? I worked and worked and worked it through how I could make it all work. Then the dam burst.
I was really wrestling through the options one night when I talked to my parents. I love and value the input of my Mom and Dad tremendously. Both have wisdom cultivated through years of experience and both are very careful to dispense advice (also a sign of wisdom). As I told them about some of the options that I was considering, my Mom said, "Maybe God is just helping you realize what's really important." I think that was the first salvo in what would eventually break apart my idol of security and free me to pursue living by faith again. I continued the conversation with Amy later that night. She pointed out some of the things that I probably would have to give up in trying to keep it all and I finally succumbed to the reality that I could not do it all. I had to decide what was really important.
I went into my final discussion with Adam, resolved that if the position was offered to me, I would take it and would go part time at the store knowing we would be taking a big pay cut and would have no benefits. I felt such a peace about the idea that I was almost more relieved than excited when Adam asked me to come on board. It felt like the culmination of a season of searching for where I belong.
So, much like when we left Indiana with no jobs and no housing with just a belief that this was the road we were to travel, we find ourselves trusting that God is leading and knowing that we want to follow.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Trying to harness creativity
If I could have stayed home today I think I would have written several songs. Instead, I started writing one and worked a full day. Again I'm wishing that time and inspiration would stop their flirtatious relationship and get together so that I could actually get something written.
The little bit of time that I did have this morning forced me to focus on getting the framework for one idea in place while others fought for my attention. I feel like I'm definitely entering a season where I can throw a lot of ideas out there in the hope that some of them will develop into something worth crafting. The only issue then becomes finding an outlet to share what comes out.
The song that I'm working on now is thematically linked to yesterday's post which makes two songs in a row that are not specifically worship oriented, which means I can't just play them for Bobbi in the hopes that they might serve for our corporate worship at Mercy. I'm hoping to do some rough draft recording so that I can at least post something online for those that are interested, but that will again require time that is already a little scarce.
Until that happens, I'm hoping to harness some of this creativity and collect as many ideas as I can so that I'll have things to flesh out for some time to come.
The little bit of time that I did have this morning forced me to focus on getting the framework for one idea in place while others fought for my attention. I feel like I'm definitely entering a season where I can throw a lot of ideas out there in the hope that some of them will develop into something worth crafting. The only issue then becomes finding an outlet to share what comes out.
The song that I'm working on now is thematically linked to yesterday's post which makes two songs in a row that are not specifically worship oriented, which means I can't just play them for Bobbi in the hopes that they might serve for our corporate worship at Mercy. I'm hoping to do some rough draft recording so that I can at least post something online for those that are interested, but that will again require time that is already a little scarce.
Until that happens, I'm hoping to harness some of this creativity and collect as many ideas as I can so that I'll have things to flesh out for some time to come.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Waiting in the in between
A good deal of the last few months have been spent by trying to come to terms with my decision to step out of leadership in ministry and finding myself feeling somewhat lost and directionless in the process. Ministry in the church has been my highest priority in where I expend my time and energy for the last 13 years as I've served in either full time or part time ministry.
Thankfully, I've had a job change at work to give me something else to concentrate on or the mini spiritual depression that I've been suffering could have turned into something quite a bit more destructive. I am still finding it hard to let go of feelings of rejection and abandonment (from both men and God), but I am slowly waking to the hope that God is preparing me for the next thing.
In my flesh I want this pruning and refining to progress quickly so that I can move onto better days, but I know that there is value in waiting in the in between. Waiting between what was and what is not yet is one of the hardest things for me to do. I find myself dwelling on past successes and past disappointments one moment and then future dreams the next. Both are valuable as the past helps me remember the lessons I've learned and how I've seen God move while the future gives me hope and vision for what's to come.
The danger for me has always been that I want to move from vision to reality immediately instead of taking the time to allow God to cultivate in me the conditions that will produce fruitful living in its due season. In moving too quickly we leave ourselves open to settle for "the good" instead of God's best plans for the future.
So, I find myself waiting again and praying for peace and patience while I wait to see what God has in store.
Thankfully, I've had a job change at work to give me something else to concentrate on or the mini spiritual depression that I've been suffering could have turned into something quite a bit more destructive. I am still finding it hard to let go of feelings of rejection and abandonment (from both men and God), but I am slowly waking to the hope that God is preparing me for the next thing.
In my flesh I want this pruning and refining to progress quickly so that I can move onto better days, but I know that there is value in waiting in the in between. Waiting between what was and what is not yet is one of the hardest things for me to do. I find myself dwelling on past successes and past disappointments one moment and then future dreams the next. Both are valuable as the past helps me remember the lessons I've learned and how I've seen God move while the future gives me hope and vision for what's to come.
The danger for me has always been that I want to move from vision to reality immediately instead of taking the time to allow God to cultivate in me the conditions that will produce fruitful living in its due season. In moving too quickly we leave ourselves open to settle for "the good" instead of God's best plans for the future.
So, I find myself waiting again and praying for peace and patience while I wait to see what God has in store.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
More changes
2010 will probably go down as "The Year of Transitions" at our house. Not only have Amy and I both stepped out of staff positions at Mercy (more to follow), but I'm now a month into my transition from sales (where I oversaw bikes and men's cold weather clothing) back to the bike shop where I am now managing. I always liked the shop when I was back there before, but the money was better in sales. Managing the shop sees only a slight drop off in income, but the hours are significantly better for us. It's primarily a Monday through Friday gig with a few Saturdays thrown in when necessary which beats the every other weekend routine that I've been following the last four years.
The shop definitely has its challenges and I am slowly remembering things that I haven't had a chance to put into practice for three years and acquiring new skills as I try to grow as a mechanic. It is strange being the shop manager and knowing that we have several guys that are better mechanics than me, but I'm hoping to close that gap quickly. Besides, as Bryan (my supervisor) has pointed out, I was not hired for the position because of my mechanical prowess.
So, not only am I building and fixing bikes again, but I've taken on several other responsibilities that I didn't have to think about last time I was in the shop such as ordering, scheduling and implementing procedures to help us be more efficient and professional. I also get to have the "fun" conversations with guys who either make mistakes or just need a kick in the butt to get going in the right direction. Ah, the joys of management.
On the church end of things, we are certainly feeling a bit untethered. We had several people ask us when we stepped down whether we would stay at Mercy. It would be easy to leave, but Mercy is still our church family. Sometimes family is hard and we have conflicts, but beneath those conflicts is a deeper love that binds us together and makes it worth working through. We love the people and believe in the vision of the church. Yes, we've had to struggle through some rough patches emotionally as we've wrestled with roles and relationships changing. There are days I'm very at ease being there and other days where I really have to work to hold it together because I'm still mourning.
Our friends have been very supportive and I have played bass a few times and Amy's been asked to sing some in June, so we're getting a few opportunities to experience life as volunteers again. I still love making music with these guys no matter what my role is and consider myself very blessed to get to serve alongside them in a different capacity. I think that's been somewhat of a life line for me the last month or so as I've been processing through things. I don't expect things to ever be the same, but I'm hoping to be reshaped in the process and come out the other side of all of this with a better understanding of God and a more loving, patient heart.
The shop definitely has its challenges and I am slowly remembering things that I haven't had a chance to put into practice for three years and acquiring new skills as I try to grow as a mechanic. It is strange being the shop manager and knowing that we have several guys that are better mechanics than me, but I'm hoping to close that gap quickly. Besides, as Bryan (my supervisor) has pointed out, I was not hired for the position because of my mechanical prowess.
So, not only am I building and fixing bikes again, but I've taken on several other responsibilities that I didn't have to think about last time I was in the shop such as ordering, scheduling and implementing procedures to help us be more efficient and professional. I also get to have the "fun" conversations with guys who either make mistakes or just need a kick in the butt to get going in the right direction. Ah, the joys of management.
On the church end of things, we are certainly feeling a bit untethered. We had several people ask us when we stepped down whether we would stay at Mercy. It would be easy to leave, but Mercy is still our church family. Sometimes family is hard and we have conflicts, but beneath those conflicts is a deeper love that binds us together and makes it worth working through. We love the people and believe in the vision of the church. Yes, we've had to struggle through some rough patches emotionally as we've wrestled with roles and relationships changing. There are days I'm very at ease being there and other days where I really have to work to hold it together because I'm still mourning.
Our friends have been very supportive and I have played bass a few times and Amy's been asked to sing some in June, so we're getting a few opportunities to experience life as volunteers again. I still love making music with these guys no matter what my role is and consider myself very blessed to get to serve alongside them in a different capacity. I think that's been somewhat of a life line for me the last month or so as I've been processing through things. I don't expect things to ever be the same, but I'm hoping to be reshaped in the process and come out the other side of all of this with a better understanding of God and a more loving, patient heart.
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